My pickup lines never worked

by LB 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • LB
    LB

    I guess it's good I'm married. I wasn't all that great at picking up girls. Here are some of my old lines..

    Didn't I just meet you on the bus??

    Mind if I stay here until it's safe to go back where I farted?

    What'd ya pay for those boobs?

    My mom has that same dress

    Wanna see a trick I learned in prison?

    Are you drunk or is that just a lazy eye?

    My tool needs a shed baby

    You think it's impressive now? This cold sore is just getting started.

    Excuse me and I'm not making a pass
    but you must be leaving the country
    packing that much ass

  • chezza
    chezza

    lol.

  • OUTLAW
    OUTLAW

    When I would go down the street and honk at good looking women,they would give me a funny look..Now that I have a car they don`t seem to mind..LOL...OUTLAW

    Edited by - OUTLAW on 5 August 2002 20:23:7

  • witchywoman
    witchywoman

    True Story: I was actually hit on with these lines,

    I am conducting a sex survey to see if you have ever taken a man home from the club for a one night stand.

    My wife and I are swingers, it would bother me to come on to you, but if you like I can call my wife and make sure it is all right with her.

    witchywoman

  • Solace
    Solace

    LB, Always crackin me up!!

    The absolute worst was when my husband and I were attending a friends wedding. A memeber of the wedding party (not the groom) thank God, came up to my husband and said, loud enough for me to hear, "Would you mind if I fu*ked your wife". Oh, now thats attractive.

  • professor
    professor

    or

    Good thing I've got my library card because I'm checking you out!

    Nice legs! What time do they open?

    Did you know a female has 277 bones in her body? How about I make it 278?

  • JanH
    JanH

    A very good looking friend was hit on with the following line while I was talking to her:

    "I have a fork-lift licence."

    I still wonder why he thought that would make him the perfect guy for her.

    - Jan

  • Farkel
    Farkel

    I went into a very classy and very packed dancing club some years ago. I was dressed to-the-nines and found the most beautiful and available women in the club. I walked over to her and in my sexiest voice asked, "Would you like to dance?" She smiled demurely and said, "Yes, I would." I replied with, "Ok. Can I have your chair, then?"

    A guy told me I needed to be more aggressive, so I asked a woman I had just met: "Would you like to f***?" She slapped me, so I followed-up with, "So I suppose a b*** j** is out of the question then?"

    Farkel
    Bad-PickUp Lines Class

  • DakotaRed
    DakotaRed

    LOL, LB. I have never been suave or debonair enough to pick up ladies either. Not smooth at all. I think my smartest opener was always, "Hi, I'm Lew."

    Lew W

  • GatoCat
    GatoCat

    I was never much good at small talk or pickup lines. Fortunately, being in the band pretty much obviates the need for that. As often as not, they came to me.

    Did it bother me that it was my status as a musician, rather than me as a person, that attracted them? Uh...

    Nah.

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