Suicide

by Latte 28 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  Lady Lee

  ((((LyingEyes)))) That is so tragic and yes I would include your mom as one of the silentlambs

  I know of 2 suicides persoanlly and a fourth in a cong where my mother went.

  The first was my aunt who was my age - 12 years old - and she committed suicide a couple of months after my step-father was caught sexually abusing her. Previous to that she had been sexually abused by her father - a JW. When my step-father was caught Suzanne was sent away from her mother and brothers who were all living with us and went to another one of her sisters that she barely knew. It must have felt like punishment because nothing was done to her abuser. Suzanne had so many problems as a result of all the abuse she suffered.

  The second person is a sister who lived down the street from us. She came into the JWs with an abusive husband and 3 little children. The elders told her for years she could not leave him. She finally found her way to leave him. Sandy was wonderful and kind and generous. Her children were all in their teens when Sandy died. It was so tragic for all of them.

  In both these cases the suicides were covered over by saying they were accidental drwonings. In both of these cases these women were terrified of water. Suzanne would only get into a swimming pool in the shallow end (3 feet deep) and would never leave the side of the pool. It usually took her a half an hour to get in due to her fear. She died in a river with water over her head. The Suzanne I knew would never have gone into a river - ever.

  Sandy was also terrified of water. When she got baptized it took the brothers 45 minutes to get her dunked. She kept panicking. They finally got it done though well after everyone else was gone. Sandy died in the ocean. No one can tell me that she learned to swim and went into the ocean alone.

  The 3rd person that I heard of was ayoung man - a boy really who had been DFed. I don't know any of the details. But the attitude was that since he had been DFed then he must have done something so terrible that he felt guilty and decided to end it. No compassion - not even for the family. It was callous.

  Personally I came really close myself. I had my plan. I had given away many of my treasured possessions. I had asked some sisters in the cong to watch out for my girls if something should happen to me. I just could not take the abuse any longer nor the elders telling me that I couldn't leave my abusive husband.

  I finally thought that if I committed suicide there was no chance for a future life. So my only other way out of the abuse was to commit adultery - something I just hated the idea of but it seemed better than suicide. I was so desperate.

  I wonder how many other women were that desperate to get away from abusive situations How many others committed suicide because they were so depressed and never got the help they needed.
• 

  LyinEyes

  My mother supposedly jumped from a bridge above the Red River. She never could swim, and was afraid of water. The coronor's report stated that she didnt die from the fall, although injured, but from drowning. We had it investigated, since my dad got alot of money for her death, and also got out of paying my sister and me each over $190,000.00 in the settlement. I have black out points on what really happened on that and how I signed over that money. I did some reading on it and since I was barely 18 when it happened, there is something called "undue parental influence". Somehow my dad got me to sign away my inheritance and I can't remember it to save my life. Well so much for that, he didnt have the actually full amount in cash , but as heirs we were to receive that in full. My dad was an elder for many years, and got d/f for adultery with a younger sister, she is 8 yrs older than I am. They will never let him be an elder again, not in this area, because there has been speculation that he had something to do with her death. The private investigators said, there is just no solid proof is she jumped from the bridge, was pushed, or accidental, or even coersed into doing it. I could write a book on the things that happended that nite,, too many things don't add up. But I know my dad was at her apartment with his lover and , I heard from my sister the things said to my mom. She was told she was crap, a drug addict with no hope of every gettting over it. She was on prescription drugs off and on for many years and was addicted to them for pain , migraines caused by many factors. THe elders in our congregation knew it, they were a bunch of drunks themselves and they swept it under the rug. I can tell you I know for a fact she tried to kill herself by overdosing on pills many times, many ER trips to pump her stomach, while she called my name, begging me to make them stop. I just shivered. She was taken from us , for what they said where nervous breakdowns, but I know it was to detox now. I will never know for sure if those attempts were a call for help or really botched suicide attempts. I will never know for sure if she killed herself on that night, and who really knows what happened. But knowing my mom the way I did, I think she would have sooner or later ,,, she had no friends, no God, no congregation, no man she had loved since she was 13. I can't speak enough about the role that my father played in her death and how he benefited from it , not just in a material way, but he was freed of all of us. We don't speak anymore since last year , but it was that way since she died. The WT needs to get off their disfellowshipping high horse and be like Jesus would be, forgiving and helpful,,,,,,,,, not hurtful... Until they change this there will be more and it makes me fighting mad..........

  I really appreciate all of you who have shown such interest in the ones that took their own lives. If they are in heaven, I am sure they are crying tears of appreciation that someone sees the pain they went thru while on this earth . I am not sure what I beleive , but I hope to meet my mom again and tell her I am sorry I didnt understand then , the way I do now.
• 

  Sabine

  But I begin to think victims as Sarah are lambs, too, who have been spiritually and emotionally abused and silenced

  Thank you sunshine for stating this. I couldn't agree more. It's so ironic, my daughter's name mean's ewe in Hebrew. She was an innocent little lamb that had to face an arrogant, self-righteous PO all alone, telling her how worthless she was in god's eyes.

  BTW, when I spoke to the mother of the man that committed suicide a couple of months ago in the same kingdom hall we attended , it turns out the same PO was involved that spoke to my daughter.
• 

  Tinkerbell4125

  My dad completed suicide in Oct. of 1996.

  No matter who they are or how they did it, suicide is never pretty.

  My dad shot himself in the head, in front of my mother.

  He said he was sick and tired or being sick and tired and pulled the trigger.

  It's still tough to talk about..............

  Here's a poem I wrote............

  Ill never understand

  on that rainy Friday night,

  Why my dad

  took his life.

  Didnt he know

  there was more life to live?

  Didnt he know t

  here was more life to give?

  Didnt he know

  it would break my heart?

  Didnt he know

  it would tear me apart?

  Didnt he know

  there was business undone?

  Didnt he know

  there was songs unsung?

  If I had children,

  what would I say?

  How would I tell them,

  he passed away?

  Not wanting to go to sleep,

  thoughts of that night in my head.

  Id fight my fears,

  tossing and turning in bed.

  Didnt want to think

  of that horrible night.

  To avoid the nightmares,

  sleep I would fight.

  For the ones left behind,

  the burden to move on.

  But the questions never end

  and hurt is never gone.

  I do love him

  and that's hard to say

  But I'll work through this,

  in my own way.

  Maybe one day

  I'll know why

  Why you abandoned me

  on the rainy Friday night.
• 

  ugg

  these life experiences are so deeply moving,,,and so heart wrenching.....yet, the society has a

  hard view on this.....i hate the society and their lack of compassion and understanding....i hope

  with time,,,,may we all heal.....hugs to all of you.....
• 

  Pistoff

  Lyin eyes....I am so sorry for your loss, i can tell you are still in great pain. I know your mother loved you so much, and you her. I hope you are getting good help in dealing with this.

  i have come to HATE the cold people that will not embrace those we have lost to suicide and their survivors.....

  I care about your loss, and you; please talk about it as much as you need to, we are here for you all
• 

  LuckyLucy

  In loving memory of ....Lura, Sarah,and tinkerbells father.
• 

  OUTLAW

  Hey Latte,I am sorry to hear about your friend.I am also saddened by the other suicides I have read about on this thread,and many other posts I have come across.The horrible truth is,most dubs don`t care if a none dub dies.They are trained to expect it,if not enjoy it.It`s just one less person God has to destroy at armagedon.We are dealing with a very sick group of people,JW`s and their masters the WBTS...OUTLAW
• 

  Tinkerbell4125

  Well after sitting here CRYING out my eyeballs....I have to say that I appreciate being able to talk about my father's suicide. I know it's got to be difficult for most people to read. This place has become such a soft place for me to fall so many times. It's very comforting to have this place. To know that whatever I share with you, you wont judge me or shame me. For anyone that has lost someone to suicide, they will tell you, it's a form of grief that you don't grive iwth others, it's a grief that you grive alone. It's like a great big elephant thats in the middle of the room that NO one talks about. Don't get me wrong, it's not something that I would want to talk about 24/7, but it's not like talking about cancer, m.s.! It's a difficult subject. And I'll tell ya something else.....people don't want to hear it.

  Before my father's suicide, I remember hearing the news about a client that had shot his wife, then himself. I remember thinking, .....gosh, that poor family, how will their children EVER handle that. I swear I remember that. Never in a million years did I think I would be in that situation.

  When we talk about how we are effected by the Watch Tower, we must also remember that it is Depression that we are dealing with. Yes the W.T. may have cause the depression, but we must remember that depression hit's people of all situations. It is also treatable. I wish we could talk about depression the way we talk about kidney stones or sinus infections, but I don't feel society has gotten there yet.

  My relationship with my dad was rocky. He had treated me and my siblins abusively growing up, so we weren't very close. As mean and as cruel he was to me at times, I still loved him. I wanted his approval and love so bad. Now I realize he wasn't capable of that because he didn't have it for himself. Forgiveness is something I am trying on very hard to come to terms with. I don't feel I will ever be healed until I put the bitterness and anger behind me.

  Sometimes I wonder how I would react if I ever was face to face with him again. I just don't know.

  Thanks for letting me share this and get this out because in the real world, with all my friends, family, everyone I would consider to be the closest, I still don't feel like it is something that I can talk about. Believe me, I've tryed. It didn't work. I only find myself trying to make the other person feel better. =:o)
• 

  Sabine

  (((Tinkerbell)))

  I totally agree with what you said about grieving the loss of a loved one that completed suicide. When people ask me how many children I have, I still say just one. If I say I have two, then I know I'll have to address my daughter's suicide. I feel sometimes like it's a burden I am laying on someone by talking about it. I know its extremely difficult for some people to hear. I often say if she died of cancer or any other terminal illness, it would have been so much easier to deal with.

  In one day I lost my most treasured possession, my beautiful daughter, also most "friendships" that I developed over 35 years being a witness, my parents who sided with the elders, and my life long belief system after seeing how unloving the elders and my congregation was. Even though she died four years ago, it's a constant pain I deal with daily. I cherish her memory, and I try to stay strong for my wonderful son and husband. Coming to this forum and having many that know exactly what I'm going through has been a tremendous help.