Letters to my daughter: PART 1

witchywoman

After going back and forth in e-mail with my jw daughter, I got a chance to tell her about the WTS` scandal with the UN. She let me know that she had no need to know any more about it. Me being a mom still wanted to try and make a difference in my daughters life. So I sent her an e-mail, I talked about every day goings on. And I also attatched this watchtower quote along with it: __________________________________________________________________________________

When persons are in great danger from a source that they do not suspect or are being misled by those they consider their friends, is it an unkindnes to warn them? They may prefer not to believe the warning. They may even resent it. But does that free one from the moral responsibility to give that warning?
--The Watchtower magazine, January 15, 1974

__________________________________________________________________________________
Subject: What are you doing???
I will not post her actual reply, but she wanted to know what I was up to. She admitted that I was correct. She said that I clearly did not get her point made previously. What was my point? She has accused me of trying to take her faith from her, and that I should stop trying to. She has suggested that perhaps I would rather return the the strange relationship that we once had.
With that one paragraph from a watchtower mag. she was clearly angry.
And this was my response to her.
Good morning!
Nope, I will not be upset. I sure did get your point. Why would quoting the watchtower upset you? My point is that I have many regrets, and now at 45 feel that the majority of my youth was wasted.You have to have walked in my shoes to be able to understand what I mean. Yes my consciense now bothers me, not because of myself, (which I am angry for too) but because I have two beautiful daughters that I would do anything (well almost anything) for, and did. All of my life as a little girl I had always dreamed of my children and the things I wanted to do for them, which I sacrificied to serve Jehovah.I sacrificed so much more. In the end even after all these years I cannot believe that I had been duped.
I know you will not like this but I must speak from my heart and remember that I love you, and will always till there is no breath left in me. Always, always remember that. I have apologized to Amy for my naivity in raising her in a religion that I was so ignorant about. And now Mary I must, and have to, please let me, for I need to apologize to you for ALL of the small and simple things that most children think of and enjoy naturally everyday. I feel tremendous guilt and embarrasement now that I have deprived you of so many wonderful things that go along with childhood. You do and always have deserved them.
Yes my concern is simple, I am your mother. Many times when I am doing other things you cross my mind, and I can`t help it.
Now that you know how I feel I can only expect that you will need to do what is necessary for you. I don`t expect anything else from you other than to protect your faith. My concern for you is that of true happiness and fullfillment in your life, for YOU and not for someone or something else.
Please understand that I am not trying to put a strain on our relationship. In your heart you know that is not what you want either. The admonishmont is coming from another source. As things get worse the admonishment will only get stronger.
So in order to preserve your faith in the Society (should be bible) you must, and will be expected, expected to cut all ties with me. Unless they be that of official business.
Before I close, I want you to know that I will under no circumstance tolerate any more abuse from your religion. I hope that is clear. I will no longer tolerate any form of abuse from your religion. I do not accept emotional blackmail as a loving arrangement, and will not tolerate it.
I am sorry for all of the pain that I have caused you in your life. There is no way for me to take it back. I am sorry for all the pain and hurt that you have experienced on my behalf.
Please know that I tried to return to Jehovahs Witnesses, and went to the hall many times, only to leave in tears. I could not stomache it. I was worthy of destruction.
Remember that you are always in my heart, I love you and want the best for you. Nothing and no one can take that from me, for I will not let them. You are still that person that caused me so much discomfort when I was carrying you in the womb. I loved you then and I love you now.

Always love mom

I have one last thing to let you know.
I was not disfellowshipped for adultery, no. That did have bearing on the situation of course, but that was not the reason. I was disfellowshipped because I would not return to your father. All I ever wanted to do was to please Jehovah. Brother Foxx said I would not be.(disfellowshipped) He said it wasn`t likely.
-Chamblis, Foxx, Wilson

witchywoman

Edited by - witchywoman on 6 August 2002 14:23:24

zev

((((witchywoman))))

thank you for sharing such a touching letter.

DakotaRed

What a heart rendering letter, WitchyWoman. As a father of two daughters and exJW myself, I am so glad that neither of my daughters ever listened to me and got involved with the JWs. To think that at one time, I was almost willing to just move on without them, at the behest of the Wachtower, still pains me. Now that I am out, both are overjoyed and will never know about the attitudes I was encouraged to develope.

I hope and pray that your daughter takes your words to heart and retains a loving mother/daughter relationship with you.

The way the Watchtower teaches family disunity alone shows what an ungodly organization and cult they truly are.

Lew W

outnfree

((((((((((wichywoman)))))))))

I used that same Watchtower quote in my letter to my best friend before I disassociated myself! <sniff>

Your letter is beautiful and oh, so sincere. I hope your daughter FEELS the loving concern that oozes out of each sentence and cannot resist (no matter what the WT says!).

outnfree

sunshineToo

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{witchywoman}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I'm sorry about your daughters. Are they married with children of their own? Please do not shun them. I've always been afraid that my mom might shun me, but I never bring out anything about the WTS. Whenever she does, I just go, "Whatever!" and change the subject. I also remind her about the WTS's policy that a jw shouldn't talk about spiritual matters with DA'd or DF'd person.

JWs think a DF'd or DA'd person as a sinner or someone whom they should be afraid of. The more emotional we get, the crazier they think we are. I've been there and done that with my mom. So I've kind of given up to the point that I wouldn't have her sit down and try to convince her.

witchywoman, I know you love your daughters very much. But I have to say to you that your desperate action might back fire at you. If I were you, I would just tell them that I would respect their choice as they would to mine. I don't think the WTS is going to get crazy as to commit mass suicide. If you keep trying to convince them, they are going to think they are persecuted by you. We covered that during Watchtower studies, didn't we? Let your daughters know you are still their loving mother who do not want to be shunned but to keep the relationship going. If you suggest shunning first, they might think you are abandoning them. That is the saddest thought to any child. I know that.

Edited by - sunshineToo on 6 August 2002 11:19:49

witchywoman

zev: Thank you (again) for helping me. Perhaps someone within the watchtower walls that is shunning a parent or child will be able to relate and see their shunning from another perspective.

Lew: Congratulations to you, and to your daughters for getting their father back.

out: I believe that my daughter has learned that there is no one else who will love her as fiercly as her mother. She has always needed mothering, while my youngest was independant.

witchywoman

Sunshine: My oldest is married and a jw. My youngest is neither. In understanding our relationship you can read " My story-witchywoman". I have only been able to speak to my daughter for the past 2 years.

I did realize that my letter could possibly alienate her from me. I have accepted an enormous amount of emotional blackmail from her for the past ten years. It was quite tiring. My stance was to let her know that the WTS could no longer affect me through her. It was her call to make, and I did let her. My daughter is by no means stupid, and has watched her father for many years play mind games with me.

I have not nor will I ever abandon my daughters. The WTS has had too much power for too long.

witchywoman

scootergirl

(((witchywoman))) Again, another post that resumed me to tears.

Thank you so much for sharing such a personal letter.

I have often written appeal letters to my parents but to no avail.

I know it must be as painful as for them as it is for me....it is a no win situation.

How sad that so many lives have been devastated by some stupid rule! Thanks for sharing......and hugs to you!

witchywoman

Lis: Even though you posted on the other thread (I think there is a way to move it). The persons most hurt by dsfsping are those we are the closest to. I am sure it is only human to want to retaliate and punish with complete shunning. In order to give you back that hurt you are causing to them. Thanks honey you are a sweetie!
Scooter: How did we ever let these people reach into our homes and hearts, they have no business there.
witchywoman

Edited by - witchywoman on 6 August 2002 13:34:21

smiler

if i was your daughter i'd be quite upset that you'd shared your personal post to her with numerous folk who she knows knothing about.

and surely if you believe in freedom of choice, her choice should be repected and understood, just as you feel you should be respected for the choices you've made without being judged and shunned for!!!

Letters to my daughter: PART 1

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