Moving On

songmistress

I have been away from the WTBTS for about 6 years after being with them for 18-20 years if I count the studying time. I remember feeling as if I should add a title to my name. Songmistress JW. You know like doctors are md's and lawyers are esq. Now I feel a bit like I have the title of Songmistress XJW. I want very desperately to get on with my life, but so much of my life was taken up by the borg. For a long time, I truly was a drone. Went along with everything, not questioning anything, stuffing the feelings that something was not right here.

I find myself compelled when I meet new people, to tell them I was once a JW and it comes into my conversations more times than I care to admit. There is a rift with my family that I am having a hard time healing. My family, bless them, seem to be willing to just put it in the past. BTW I was the only JW in my family so there is the guilt of having chosen this lifestyle. No one to blame but myself. Hubby and I moved in separate circles for so long, that we have developed as totally different people. However, we are still together and still desire to be together

I feel fortunate in the fact that I have found some wonderful people out there in the "wicked world" who love me for who I am, and are supporting me every step of the way, as well as wonderful people on this board who do the same, (You know who you are). However, having been a JW feels like a stigma I will have to carry for the rest of my life. Trying to counteract the lack of trust in my fellowman as well as a sense of superiority and arrogence I developed from having been in "the only true religion", I find myself too stuck at times to move on.

I Do Not want to spend the rest of my life being Songmistress ExJW. I want to be Songmistress, human being and all round wonderful person. (shameless request for love and appreciation lol)

So here is the question. Does anyone feel that they have successfully reintegrated into the world, and how did you do it???

Vivamus

No sorry, I haven't yet. I know what you mean though, When I hang out with friends, JW is a topic often discussed. I tell about my experiences, sometimes in a funny way, sometimes close to tears. The hurt is always there. But it is less than before. My life is full with lots of fun and people who love me for who I am. I have some really good and dear friends now, and I value these friendships highly. But having been a JW, is just a part of who I am. Whether I like it or not, that experience too, has shaped me to what I am today. New experiences will come along, and shape me even more, but those cannot change the fact of me having been a JW.

Viv.

witchywoman

songmistress,

Welcome aboard, sounds like you already are begining to become the person you were always meant to be. It does take time. Your reflecting and meditating helps. Be kind to yourself and you will find that people will not beat you up about having been a jw. Be thankful for small things, your family sounds like they are happy to have you back. Something that helped me was to inivision my comfort zone as a circle. When I could not attempt to try or do something, I knew I was out of my comfort zone. If you can try something or attempt to do something that frightens you say once a week or once a month, eventualy your comfort zone will become larger the more you grow. When you attempt something for the first time you will know it by the way you are feeling, go with it to its completion. Once you have accomplished something out of your comfort zone, you will feel on top of the world like a child. Until one day you will look up and realize you have no more comfort zone.

Accept yourself for the songmistress that you are and others will too. Love yourself and be kind to yourself. You are no longer a jw, let the songmistress come out of your heart so that we can all see her. She`s in there. There is no shameless request for love and appreciation. Those are things that you deserve and should have in your life. Don`t deny your own requests. If they are important to you, it is not selfish on your part to want them.

Take care sweetie, I will looking for more of you here.

witchywoman

ps if that circle thing doesn`t make sense, let me know

ugg

i cannot help you at all,,,,i wish i could though....i hope the best for you as you try....i always enjoy

visiting with you in chat....you are a giving person.....hang in there.....

kenpodragon

Yes, but I like coming to boards like this to discuss topics. Not to heal, but for fun! Same reason why I visit martial arts boards and others, just for fun!!!!!!!!!!!!

animal

Yep.... I consider myself very aclimated.... maybe not normal, but content.

Animal

Guest 77

SM, I enjoyed reading your post. You certainly have some partner, treasure you association.

Yes, we need to move on with our lives. Throughout my life I have involved myself in many activities to drown out my bad experiences. What I have learned over the years is to 'extract' the good out of bad experiences. It has helped. I was very fortunate that I was surrounded with positive and supporting people in my activities. Your supportive mate brought back good memories. Do not be fearful of branching out. I wish you the best.

Guest 77

david_10

Hi Songmistress-------I also enjoyed reading your post, and I can really feel for you. I was born and raised in the "truth" as a 3rd generation witness and I lived my life with the end of this "system of things" always in view; I questioned nothing, believed everything. I finally wised up and left the organization 15 years ago, but it hasn't been easy. I've just turned 50 and I still have a few problems and deal with the repercussions of all those years in and of life after Watchtower, even now. You ask if it's possible to reintergrate into the world and move on. I don't think so, at least in the sense of totally forgetting about it. Some adjust (or, as in your case, readjust) and move on better than others, but everyone who went through the witness experience carries the scars from it for life. After all, it's part of your heritage and history now and you can't erase that anymore than you can change any other aspect of your life which could include marriage(s), children, divorce, deaths of friends and family members etc. etc. All these things are part of you and define who you are. So it's not so easy to shed your witness heritage----it will stay with you for a long time. But this isn't necessarily such a bad thing------It gets real complicated and I won't try to describe all the feelings and emotions involved, but I believe that it's likely that you will be a more sensitive person now and more attuned to what others are going through in their lives, both good things and bad. I think that I am. After all, when you've been a witness for so long and then finally are able to leave, you acquire a wisdom about life that others notice and respect. Also, when I was a witness, I was never able to stop and smell the roses, so to speak. It was always more more more.......live with eternity in view. Now I really enjoy the moment, even more than my worldly counterparts, and I don't worry about eternity. This, for me, has been one of the hardest things to achieve, and it's only been in the last 3 or 4 years that I have been able just enjoy being alive right now, today. It's nice, and I hope you get there sooner than I did. So there are a few good things that can come from all of it. Try to make the most of them.

Since your friends and family were never in the truth, you won't have to go through the agony of terminated relationships and/or broken families. They'll be glad to have you back. A lot of ex-witnesses, probably most, aren't nearly so lucky, and the adjustments that they must make are extremely difficult, all because of heartless and cruel organizational policy. But it looks like you'll be OK----it'll just take some time. Good luck, SongmistressCheryl. By the way, your moniker leads me to believe that you're a musician.....yes?

David

Englishman

Songmistress,

I have always found that being known as an ex-JW gives one a certain star quality!

Even a certain mysterious je ne sais croix....!

Englishman.

ozziepost

je ne sais croix....!

Have you got that correct, old son?

Cheers, Ozzie

Moving On

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