Mother's letter

by silentlambs 15 Replies latest watchtower scandals

  • silentlambs
    silentlambs

    My wife recieved this letter from her mother Thursday. I thought I might share it at her request to see your opinions as to how she might respond. I offer a slightly edited version of her letter, any suggestions?

    silentlambs

    Dear Daughter,
    I would like to address a couple of things you said in your letter. My head is not in the sand. I never said there isn’t a problem. I said and I stand by it, that we are supposed to wait on Jehovah. We’re not supposed to run ahead and try to take things into our own hands. There were those who did that in the first century and John said of them, “they went out from us, for if they had been of our sort they would have remained with us. But they went out that it might be shown up that not all are of our sort.” 1John2:19.
    Hitler couldn’t get rid of god’s people. The Russian’s couldn’t or the government of Malawi, etc.etc.
    My point is what Gamaliel told the Sanhedrin at Acts 5:38, “do not meddle with these men, but let them alone because if this scheme is from man it will be overthrown, but if it is from god you will not be able to overthrow them, otherwise you may perhaps be found fighting against god.
    I proved the truth to myself when I studied and examined secular sources too. Jehovah’s organization is the only one that is preaching the good news in a unified way world wide, as prophesied, we are the only ones(those who are truly what they claim to be)that are no part of the world. The only ones who understand(because of the faithful slave)that there is no trinity-no hellfire-condition of the dead-that there will be a paradise earth-etc.etc.

    Satan’s purpose is to bring reproach on Jehovah and his people and to get us to break our integrity. He must be real happy right now with your family. But you know what I have talked with the friends in Draffenville and they say there has not been any serious repercussions in service there. Many know that witnesses as a whole are good, hardworking, honest, moral people.

    Jesus said he that doesn’t gather with me scatters and that the one who has greater love the father or mother(husband) than for me is not worthy of me. I don’t care what you say, over a period of time you have been subtly influenced by your husband. He has been on the internet with people claiming to be witnesses and they may have been at one time. I am sure they are thrilled to see the tactics he’s pulled in going against the organization.

    As for our relationship, I love you dearly but I hate what you are doing. How can our relationship not be changed? You said I could just view you as a worldly person, well I do not associate with worldly people, so where does that leave us?
    I believe all God’s word and I’ve seen proof of the truthfulness that you will reap what you sow. I told your dad just before we separated, if every member of my family leaves the truth, I’m serving Jehovah. Well I guess Satan took that as a challenge the way things have worked out.
    You should understand my not calling your house. I would like to send the kids a card, I know you will read them and I understand.
    Love,
    Mom

  • SEAKEN2001
    SEAKEN2001

    Dear silentlambs,

    my heart goes out to you and your wife. It appears that your mom-in-law is, at this point, completely under the control of the cult. In this case it is hard to come up with anything to say that might wake her up. The course I have taken in a similar situation is to simply try to get along and leave religion out of it. But she will have to be open to that type of contact. Some JW's will not even allow a casual relationship with their unbelieving family. If she does you may be able to slowly influence here thinking over time. It will no doubt take years. It took about 3-1/2 years for me and about 5 years for my Mom. My wife has not yet allowed me in and it's been about 2 years for her. Try not to be a threat. Unfortunately, that means being nearly silent on matters relating to their belief in the Society. But you can prove to her that you are not the wicked and debase people the Society says you are. Love is a strong tool for breaking down barriers.

    I wouldn't respond with much. Maybe just a "Thank You" note to acknowledge her interest. Maybe after a few months you can get a better opportunity to make a further reply. I wish you the best.

    Sean

  • wasasister
    wasasister

    What I read breaks my heart. I might very well have written something similar several years ago if a member of my family "brought reproach" on Jehovah's Organization. I can only imagine the pain your wife must feel to read such words from the woman who raised her.

    If it was me, I might be tempted to try to keep communication open - if only for the sake of the children:

    "Mom, I can appreciate how you must feel. This has been a very difficult situation for Silent Lambs and me, and I know it is for you and Dad also. Please be assured that I am supportive of my husband and I believe in what he is trying to accomplish in behalf of innocent children. Did not Jesus, our exemplar, show compassion both for literal children, and for those who were oppressed by others who made them as weak as children? Can we do any less?

    "No matter what you may perceive as 'running ahead', we are doing what we believe is right and blessed by God. I know in my innermost heart of hearts that God does not want wrongdoing covered over, even when it occurs in his own earthly organization. Recall how he brought to light the terrible sins of Hophni and Phinneas, the High Priest's own sons? Or in the Christian congregation how even Peter was humbled? Did Jesus, as the head of that early church, cover over wrongdoing?

    "You said you love me, but hate what I do. You taught me to be honest, to love God, and to be true to what I believe no matter what the consequences. I thank you for teaching me these valuable lessons, which I live by to this day. Please continue to love me; take your own advice and 'wait on Jehovah' to see how this all works out in the end. Perhaps this is part of His purpose to cleanse the organization of an unclean influence. Do you know for certain that this is not the case?

    "In the meantime, please do keep in touch with your grandchildren. They do not deserve to be hurt by disagreements we may have. I urge you to treat them exactly the same way you always have. For my part, I will remain the same daughter you have always known, and the same mother to your grandchildren.

    "Thank you for writing and for keeping the lines of communication open. Silent Lambs and I love you as we always have."

    Best wishes,
    Wasasister

  • Prisca
    Prisca

    My heart goes out to you, silentlambs. I think wasasister has given some great advice, I couldn't express it better than the letter she suggested.

    Welcome to the db, wasasister!

  • Fredhall
    Fredhall

    I'm suprised that she didn't went over there and kick her butt.

  • ICHING
    ICHING

    so was i.

    I-CHING

  • OrangeBlossom
    OrangeBlossom

    Silentlambs, I think you and I must have the same mother-in-law. Reading her letter was like listening to my own mother-in-law. I feel for you and your wife, you are trying to stand by your conscience and are being ridiculed for it.

    One thing that she mentioned about JW's being the only organization preaching the good news...that's not exactly true. There are lots of organizations that preach, maybe not to the extent JW's do, but, nonetheless, they preach. The other issue is the unity. My husband and I have had numerous discussions about this. Yes, JW's are unified in thought and action because they HAVE to be. If someone in the congregation were to preach anything that was not in the WT or from the WTS they would be disfellowshipped, therefore, they are unified.

    I personally have not walked away from the JW's (officially or unofficially), not because I am afraid of losing my friends or relatives, as I could count on one hand the close friends I have as a JW, and I was born into it, but, because it would kill my mother for me to leave. I'm trying to hold on until she dies and then I'm gone. I do hang on to this fantasy that something will happen in the meantime to open the eyes of my believing relatives and then I won't have to wait, but it is a fantasy. I doubt very seriously that your mother-in-law or mine will ever see the WTS for what it really is.

    Anyway, keep up the good work. You are doing nothing wrong, IMHO.

    OB

    P.S. Wasasister, I really enjoyed your reply, EXCELLENT!

    OB

    Edited by - OrangeBlossom on 17 March 2001 10:50:4

  • Tanalyst
    Tanalyst

    I used to be a programmed zealot too.

    Respond with love,kindness,and graciousness. Keep religion out of it, your mom doesn't have an open mind at this time.

    Most important your children can use her unconditional love, if any exists.

    Silentlambs, you're a very courageous man and an inspiration to me, may God bless you and your family.

  • AlanF
    AlanF

    better example of a stereotypical letter by a cult member can hardly be found. Note some of the stereotypically cultish sentiments contained therein:

    Jehovah's Witnesses are God's exclusive organization.
    Jehovah's Witnesses are the only ones who unitedly believe the teachings of Jehovah's Witnesses.
    Jehovah's Witnesses are the only ones who unitedly preach the teachings of Jehovah's Witnesses.
    Intelligent people know that Jehovah's Witnesses are God's people.
    Wait on Jehovah.
    Don't run ahead.
    My head is not in the sand.
    I realize that there are problems in the organization.
    I proved the truth to myself by independent study.
    Satan wants to bring reproach on Jehovah.
    Satan wants to break our faith in the Society.
    Satan is out to get me.
    Satan wants to get rid of Jehovah's Witnesses.
    The world wants to get rid of Jehovah's Witnesses.
    Those who criticize the Society are Satan's dupes.
    You can't have come up with criticisms on your own but have been duped by devil-inspired apostates.
    You are a dupe of Satan.
    Don't criticize the Society, but leave them alone.
    My religion right or wrong.
    I love you but hate your actions.
    I must shun you because of your actions.

    The letter is full of innuendo that must remain unstated, because to state it clearly would be to debunk it:

    "I am sure they are thrilled to see the tactics he’s pulled in going against the organization."

    What "tactics"? Telling the truth?

    Unfortunately, someone capable of writing such a stereotypical letter is not capable realizing the extent to which the cult has duped them.

    A good idea would be to somehow put into her hands Steve Hassan's books, Combatting Cult Mind Control and Releasing the Bonds. Unfortunately again, a cult member knows very well, deep down inside, that they're in a cult and so they will strongly resist reading such books.

    AlanF

  • Esmeralda
    Esmeralda

    Hi Alan,

    Thanks for that reply, I am going to print it out and keep it where I can see it to remind me of your remarks when I talk to my sister next time. What you said about innuendo is right on. Thanks for clearing out the inbetween button-pushing language to reveal the plain, ridiculous cult-programmed auto-responses that we're getting from our JW relatives. Great post.

    Silentlambs, please tell your wife that my heart is with her. I have had many similiar exchanges with my mother and sister, in written form and in person. They are horrible, especially at first. Lately, I have been able to realize that it's their own insecurity about the organization that makes them attack. It's the wounded animal thing all over again. Fear causes them to lash out. After all...what if our 'tactics' are shown to be correct? What if it shakes their faith in the Allmighty Governing Body? That is something that they are not prepared to handle.

    I don't know if responding to her letter in depth will do much good. As others have said, her mother is not ready at this point to let love be the overriding force here, to love her daughter no matter what. The cult control runs too deeply.

    I have personally, gotten the best results with the same simple reply, repeated over and over, "I understand how you feel, and I just want you to know that even if your feelings for me have changed, mine for you have not. I still love you for the person you are, not the way that you choose to practice your religion."

    But a lot of the time, no matter what I do or don't say, my mother will lash out without any more provocation. All you can do then is resolve that you're going to keep going, day to day and take it as it comes.

    You can't do anything to change their minds...they either have to come to these conclusions on their own, as we did, or they won't ever get it. I wish this wasn't the case, but I have seen it repeated in family after family.
    Sending you and your wife love and
    *hugs*
    Esmeralda

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