Any advice on DA process?

by Cicatrix 25 Replies latest jw experiences

Elsewhere

I DAed myself and have experienced the shunning... later I learned that the WTS allows a person to "simply leave the faith" without being shunned. You should look into this.
If anyone asks you questions about what you do or do not believe - DO NOT ANSWER! You are not obligated to answer! As the saying goes... "Anything you say can and WILL be used against you"
Just keep you mouth shut and tell them you would rather not discuss it, that way they cannot have you up on charges of apostasy, creating sects, or causing divisions. If they are at your house, politely ask them to leave. Always be friendly so they cannot use charges of "fits of anger" to DF you. If they ask you to put anything in writing for them, politly decline.
Keep your mouth shut and just drift away... Just quietly drift away...

http://www.jw-media.org/beliefs/beliefsfaq.htm

Do you shun former members?
Those who simply leave the faith are not shunned. If, however, someone unrepentantly practices serious sins, such as drunkenness, stealing, or adultery, he will be disfellowshipped and such an individual is avoided by former fellow-worshipers. Every effort is made to help wrongdoers. But if they are unrepentant, the congregation needs to be protected from their influence. The Bible clearly directs: "Remove the wicked man from among yourselves." (1 Corinthians 5:13) What of a man who is disfellowshipped but whose wife and children are still Jehovah's Witnesses? The spiritual ties he had with his family change, but blood ties remain. The marriage relationship and normal family affections and dealings can continue. As for disfellowshipped relatives not living in the same household, Jehovah's Witnesses apply the Bible's counsel: "Quit mixing with them." (1 Corinthians 5:11) Disfellowshipped individuals may continue to attend religious services and, if they wish, they may receive spiritual counsel from the elders with a view to their being restored. They are always welcome to return to the faith if they reject the improper course of conduct for which they were disfellowshipped.
Cicatrix

Elsewhere,
Do they let you just drift if you celebrate holidays, or do they DF you for that?The congregation I'm leaving is small.They will notice we are gone-have noticed already.Although there have been no offers for a shepherding call,an elder's son has been calling and offering to study with my son.Same with the CO,but for whatever reason,this was the first visit the CO did not offer a sheperding call to us.Curioser and curioser.
Elsewhere

Have you spoken to the elders about your concern over the unfounded gossip and slander that is being spread about you? By the elders no less!!! Perhaps you should remind them of the following. If that does not correct the problem, write to the Service Department in NY. They will put the elders in line. If that does not work, and you are up to it, you could sue individuals in the congregation for slander.
*** Matthew 18:15-17 ***
15 Moreover, if your brother commits a sin, go lay bare his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take along with you one or two more, in order that at the mouth of two or three witnesses every matter may be established. 17 If he does not listen to them, speak to the congregation. If he does not listen even to the congregation, let him be to you just as a man of the nations and as a tax collector.
*** w89 10/15 10-15 Guard Against Harmful Gossip! ***
Guard Against Harmful Gossip!
In the abundance of words there does not fail to be transgression, but the one keeping his lips in check is acting discreetly.PROVERBS 10:19.
NOTHING can change lethal venom into a healthful drink. Malicious gossip, or slander, has well been likened to poison, which can also rob an upright person of his good name. The Roman poet Juvenal called slander that worst of all poisons. And English dramatist William Shakespeare put these words into the mouth of one of his characters: He that filches from me my good name robs me of that which not enriches him and makes me poor indeed.
2 But just what is gossip? How may it differ from slander? Why guard against harmful gossip? And how can this be done?
How They Differ
3 Gossip is idle talk, not always true, about other people and their affairs. It is light, familiar talk or writing. Since all of us are interested in people, we sometimes say good, upbuilding things about others. Slander is different. It is a false report meant to do harm to the good name and reputation of another. Such talk is generally malicious and is unchristian.
4 Harmless gossip may turn into vicious slander. Said writer Arthur Mee: More often than not the slander that injures a man, and may bring about his ruin, begins in gossip, the gossip that comes, perhaps, from nothing worse at first than idleness. It is one of the greatest evils in the world, but it springs, as a rule, from ignorance. We find it chiefly among those who have very little to do, and have no particular object in life.
5 Since idle talk may lead to slander, the apostle Paul spoke out against certain gossipers. After mentioning widows qualified for congregation assistance, he wrote: Turn down younger widows, for when their sexual impulses have come between them and the Christ, . . . at the same time they also learn to be unoccupied, gadding about to the houses; yes, not only unoccupied, but also gossipers and meddlers in other peoples affairs, talking of things they ought not. Therefore I desire the younger widows to marry, to bear children, to manage a household, to give no inducement to the opposer to revile. Already, in fact, some have been turned aside to follow Satan.1 Timothy 5:11-15.
6 Since Paul wrote under divine inspiration, he was not making unfair remarks about those women. What he said is food for very serious thought. No godly woman wants to turn aside and follow Satan. Yet, what if a Christian woman finds that she has a weakness for the kind of talk that could make her guilty of slander? Then she should humbly heed Pauls counsel: Women should . . . be serious, not slanderous. He also said: Let the aged women be reverent in behavior, not slanderous. (1 Timothy 3:11; Titus 2:3) Brothers too should soberly apply that wise advice.
7 At times, of course, all of us talk about other people, their experiences in the ministry, and so forth. Let us never, however, sit and speak against our brother. (Psalm 50:19, 20) Indeed, it is wise not to talk too much because in the abundance of words there does not fail to be transgression, but the one keeping his lips in check is acting discreetly. (Proverbs 10:19) So we should guard against gossip, even if it does not seem harmful. We have no need to talk about people all the time, since we have a fine selection of topics if we consider righteous, chaste, lovable, virtuous, and praiseworthy things.Philippians 4:8.
How Gossip Becomes Slander
8 There is no harm in talking about the field ministry and other godly activities of fellow believers if we are accurate and no injury results from what we say. In fact, positive remarks of this sort may encourage others. (Compare Acts 15:30-33.) Some Christians talked about the faithful older man Gaius, to whom the apostle John wrote: Beloved one, you are doing a faithful work in whatever you do for the brothers, and strangers at that, who have borne witness to your love before the
congregation. (3 John 5, 6) So it is not always wrong to talk about fellow Christians.
9 However, light talk can turn into slander of the upright if we probe into their private affairs, question their motives, or arouse suspicions about their conduct. We might get into the practice of asking ourselves questions, such as: Would my speech damage another persons reputation? Is what I say true? (Revelation 21:8) Would I say the same thing in his presence? Would it sow discord in the congregation? Might my statements cause him to lose privileges of service? Could envy be in my heart? (Galatians 5:25, 26; Titus 3:3) Would the fruitage of my remarks be good or evil? (Matthew 7:17-20) Would I have said similar things about the apostles? (2 Corinthians 10:10-12; 3 John 9, 10) Does such talk befit those who have reverence for Jehovah?
10 Alluding to those who revere God, Psalm 15:1 asks: O Jehovah, who will be a guest in your tent? Who will reside in your holy mountain? Concerning such a person, the psalmist David answers: He has not slandered with his tongue. To his companion he has done nothing bad, and no reproach has he taken up against his intimate acquaintance. (Psalm 15:3) Here the word slandered is from a Hebrew verb meaning to foot it and thus to go about. The Israelites were commanded: Do not go about spreading slander among your people. (Leviticus 19:16, New International Version) Anyone who goes about spreading slander is not Gods guest and friend.
11 Friends of God do nothing bad to their companions and will not take up, or receive as truthful, any reproachful tales about upright acquaintances. Rather than spreading false stories about fellow believers and adding to the evil reproaches by the ungodly that they already bear, we should speak well of them. Never would we want to increase the burdens of our faithful brothers and sisters by saying reproachful things about them.
When Difficulties Arise
12 Being imperfect, we may be tempted to speak against a person with whom we have had a serious disagreement. But consider what happened when the apostle Paul was about to set out on his second missionary journey. Though Barnabas was determined to have Mark accompany them, Paul did not agree, seeing that [Mark] had departed from them from Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work. At that, a sharp burst of anger ensued, and they separated. Barnabas took Mark with him to Cyprus, whereas Paul had Silas go with him through Syria and Cilicia. (Acts 15:36-41) Later, the breach between Paul, Barnabas, and Mark was evidently healed, for Mark was with the apostle in Rome, and Paul spoke well of him. (Colossians 4:10) Even though there had been a disagreement, there is no evidence that those Christians had gone around gossiping about one another among fellow believers.
13 Paul also resisted a possible temptation to resort to damaging gossip when he reproved Cephas (Peter), who had been ashamed to eat with Gentile believers and associate with them because of the presence of certain Jewish Christians from Jerusalem. Instead of talking about Peter behind his back, Paul resisted him face to face, speaking up before them all. (Galatians 2:11-14) Peter did not gossip about his reprover either. In fact, he later referred to him as our beloved brother Paul. (2 Peter 3:15) So even if a fellow believer needs to be corrected, this provides no excuse for gossiping about him. There are very good reasons to guard against such speech and to resist the temptation to spread harmful gossip.
Why Be on Guard?
14 The principal reason why we should not listen to harmful gossip or share in spreading it is that we want to please Jehovah, who condemns slander. As noted, the way God views such speech was made clear when the Israelites were commanded: You must not go around among your people for the sake of slandering. You must not stand up against your fellows blood. I am Jehovah. (Leviticus 19:16) If we are to enjoy divine favor, then, we must not slander anyone we may mention in our conversations.
15 Another reason not to engage in harmful gossip is that such could lead to imitating Satan, the foremost slanderer of Jehovah. This archenemy of God was appropriately given the name Devil (Greek, dia'bolos), which means slanderer. When Eve listened to Satans slanderous talk against God and acted upon it, the first human pair was separated from their best Friend. (Genesis 3:1-24) Let us never succumb to Satans designs and become involved in harmful speech that merits divine disapproval and that can, therefore, separate us from our best Friend, Jehovah God.
16 We should not listen to malicious gossipers, since they separate friends. Often, slanderers exaggerate, misrepresent, lie, and heap up mountains of inflammatory words. Instead of speaking to a person face-to-face, they whisper behind his back. Unfounded suspicions are often aroused. Thus, a slanderer is separating those familiar with one another.Proverbs 16:28.
17 We should guard against becoming deeply involved even in light gossip. Why? Because a remark not meant to hurt anyone may become hurtful when it is repeated. It may be embellished or twisted until it damages the reputation of a godly person, robbing him of his good name. If that occurred, how would you feel if you had originated the story or even passed it along? People might view you as someone likely to do injury, and therefore they might no longer seek your fellowship.Compare Proverbs 20:19.
18 Another reason to be on guard is that damaging gossip may make a liar out of you. The words of a slanderer are like things to be swallowed greedily, which do go down into the innermost parts of the belly. (Proverbs 26:22) What if you swallow lies and repeat them? Well, even if you think the lies are true, you are lying when you spread them. When their falsity is revealed, you may be considered a liar. Do you want that to happen? Does not God hold false teachers responsible for religious lies? Yes, and he also holds lying slanderers accountable. Jesus warned: Every idle word that men shall speak they shall account for at the day of judgment; for you shall be acquitted on your own words and condemned on your own words. (Matthew 12:36, 37, Byington) Since each of us will render an account for himself to God, would you want to have him condemn you as a lying slanderer?Romans 14:12.
19 Still another reason not to spread harmful gossip is that it can be murderous. Yes, it can be deadly, destroying an innocent persons good reputation. Some tongues are sharp swords, and bitter words are like arrows shot at the blameless from ambush. David prayed: May you [Jehovah] conceal me from the confidential talk of evildoers, from the tumult of practicers of hurtfulness, who have sharpened their tongue just like a sword, who have aimed their arrow, bitter speech, to shoot from concealed places at someone blameless. (Psalm 64:2-4) Would you want to be responsible for saying such evil things about a fellow human to the point that he felt compelled to pray to God for relief, as did the psalmist? Do you want to be guilty of what amounts to murder?
20 Slander can lead to expulsion from Gods organization; a slanderer may be disfellowshipped, perhaps as an unrepentant liar. However, such action is not to be taken against those guilty of light gossip. Elders should weigh matters prayerfully, drawing a sharp distinction between mere gossip and vicious slander. To be disfellowshipped, the wrongdoer would have to be a malicious, unrepentant slanderer. Elders are not authorized to disfellowship anyone for trivial gossip that is motivated by human interest but that is not false or malicious. Matters must not be magnified beyond proper proportions, and there must be witnesses with substantial testimony to prove that slander is unquestionably involved. (1 Timothy 5:19) Unrepentant slanderers are expelled primarily so that malicious gossip will be quenched, and the congregation will be spared from becoming leavened with sin. (1 Corinthians 5:6-8, 13) But never should elders be so hasty that they expel anyone on unscriptural grounds. By means of prayer and counsel, they will often be able to help the person to repent, apologize or otherwise make amends, and make continued progress in taming the tongue.
Is It Slander?
21 A wise proverb says: The one walking about as a slanderer is uncovering confidential talk, but the one faithful in spirit is covering over a matter. (Proverbs 11:13) Does this mean that if you know that someone is secretly engaging in gross sin, it would be slanderous to say anything about it? No. Of course, you should not gossip about the matter. You should speak to the wrongdoer, urging him to seek the help of the elders. (James 5:13-18) If he does not do this within a reasonable period of time, concern for the cleanness of the congregation should move you to report the matter to the elders.Leviticus 5:1.
22 Such a report may result in discipline for the wrongdoer, and that would not seem joyous. Still, a person trained by discipline reaps the fruit of righteousness. (Hebrews 12:11) Wrongdoing should be revealed to those appointed to handle such matters, not to gossipers who may chatter about it. Paul told Christians in Corinth: The disclosure was made to me about you, my brothers, by those of the house of Chloe, that dissensions exist among you. (1 Corinthians 1:11) Were members of that household gossiping about fellow believers? No, but the report was made to a responsible elder who could take steps to assist those needing help to get their feet back on the path of life.
23 If we help a person to guard against involvement in harmful gossip, we are doing something for his good. A wise proverb says: The one guarding his mouth is keeping his soul. The one opening wide his lipshe will have ruin. (Proverbs 13:3) Clearly, then, there are good reasons to guard against harmful gossip and wicked slander. Yet, how can harmful gossip be crushed? The following article will tell.
What Are Your Answers?
What is the difference between light gossip and slander?
How may gossip become slander?
What are some reasons to guard against harmful gossip?
Why is slander not involved when we report the gross wrongdoing of another person?
[Study Questions]
1. How damaging is malicious gossip, or slander?
2. What questions merit consideration?
3. What is the difference between gossip and slander?
4. According to one writer, how may slander begin, and from what does it spring?
5. What is the essence of Pauls counsel at 1 Timothy 5:11-15?
6. What should be done to overcome a personal weakness for the type of gossiping that may lead to slander?
7. Scripturally, why would you say that all of us should control what we say?
8. Why is it not always wrong to talk about fellow Christians?
9. (a) How may light talk turn into slander of the upright? (b) What questions might we appropriately ask ourselves?
10, 11. According to Psalm 15:1, 3, what will we not do if we desire to be Gods guest?
12. How may Acts 15:36-41 help us if we are tempted to gossip about one with whom we have a disagreement?
13. Under what circumstances involving Peter did Paul resist a possible temptation to gossip about a fellow Christian?
14. What is the principal reason not to listen to or spread harmful gossip?
15. Who is the foremost slanderer, and what effect can engaging in harmful gossip have on our relationship with God?
16. How does a slanderer separate those familiar with one another?
17. Why should we guard against becoming deeply involved in light gossip?
18. How may gossip make a liar out of a person?
19. Why can it be said that harmful gossip can be murderous?
20. (a) As far as Gods congregation is concerned, what can happen to an unrepentant slanderer? (b) What caution must elders exercise in connection with gossip and slander?
21. Instead of gossiping about a wrongdoer, what should you do?
22. Why can we say that 1 Corinthians 1:11 does not authorize gossiping?
23. What question remains for consideration?
[Picture on page 14]
Make sure that you are never guilty of shooting a person in the back by gossiping about him
Edited by - Elsewhere on 12 August 2002 17:26:47
Cicatrix

Thanks Elsewhere!!
Cicatrix

Thank you Mike Musto.Very informative.
Elsewhere

If you want to celebrate holidays, then you should make sure that no two witnesses see you doing it. If only one does - DENIE IT - DENIE IT - DENIE IT. And then let them know that you resent the slanderous accusations.
If you are doing something like that and a JW "happens to be in the neighborhood", politely turn them away without telling them anything about what you are doing. Remember, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO ANSWER TO THEM REGARDING YOUR PRIVATE AFFAIRES. It is none of their business. ([people who are] gossipers and meddlers in other peoples affairs, talking of things they ought not - 1 Tim 5:13)
In time (perhaps as long as a few years) they will become uninterested in you.
Elsewhere

Here is the second article the first mentioned at the end...
*** w89 10/15 15-20 How Harmful Gossip Can Be Crushed ***
How Harmful Gossip Can Be Crushed
"Do set a guard, O Jehovah, for my mouth; do set a watch over the door of my lips."-PSALM 141:3.
JEHOVAH gave us a brain, and how wonderful it is! Says the book The Incredible Machine: "Even the most sophisticated computers that we can envision are crude compared to the almost infinite complexity and flexibility of the human brain . . . The millions of signals flashing through your brain at any moment carry an extraordinary load of information. They bring news about your body's inner and outer environments . . . As other signals process and analyze information, they produce certain emotions, memories, thoughts, or plans which lead to a decision. Almost immediately, signals from your brain tell other parts of your body what to do . . . Meanwhile your brain is also monitoring your breathing, blood chemistry, temperature, and other essential processes outside your awareness."-Page 326.
2 Surely, such a marvelous gift from God should never be used as a trash barrel or a garbage can. Yet, we can misuse the brain by listening to and spreading harmful gossip. How can we avoid such talk and help others to refrain from engaging in it?
Appreciate Your God-Given Mind
3 Appreciation for our God-given mind will restrain us from listening to harmful gossip and spreading it. Jehovah's spirit would not motivate anyone to fill his mind with such ideas and use his tongue to injure anyone. Rather, God's Word says: "Let the wicked man leave his way, and the harmful man his thoughts." (Isaiah 55:7) The mind of a wicked person is filled with evil ideas, and he is quick to slander the upright. But we would never expect such speech from those who appreciate their God-given mind.
4 Proper appreciation will help us to refrain from using our mind and our tongue to cater to our sinful flesh. Instead, we will keep our thinking and speaking on an elevated plane. We can shun harmful gossip by prayerful reliance on the One whose thoughts are far higher than ours. The apostle Paul counseled: "Whatever things are true [not false or slanderous], whatever things are of serious concern [not petty], whatever things are righteous [not wicked and harmful], whatever things are chaste [not unclean slander or evil suspicions], whatever things are lovable [not hateful and belittling], whatever things are well spoken of [not derogatory], whatever virtue [not badness] there is and whatever praiseworthy [not condemned] thing there is, continue considering these things."-Philippians 4:8.
5 Paul added: "The things that you learned as well as accepted and heard and saw in connection with me, practice these; and the God of peace will be with you." (Philippians 4:9) What had others seen and heard in connection with Paul? Things that were chaste and spiritually upbuilding. He did not fill their ears with the latest gossip about Lydia or Timothy. You can be sure that Paul did not listen to and spread rumors concerning the older men in Jerusalem. Likely, respect for his God-given mind helped Paul to refrain from involvement in harmful gossip. We will imitate his example if we really appreciate the mind and the tongue Jehovah has given us.
Respect God and His Word
6 Heartfelt respect for God and his Sacred Word will also help us to crush harmful gossip. Indeed, such respect will move us to heed the counsel of the disciple James, who took the tongue to task. (James 3:2-12) If a person could control the tongue, he would be able to bridle his whole body, even as a bit in a horse's mouth can guide that animal. As a mere spark can set a forest ablaze, so the little tongue can be a fire that sets the wheel of life aflame. Man can tame wild beasts, birds, creeping things, and sea creatures, "but the tongue, not one of mankind can get it tamed," said James. Yet, that is no excuse for making no effort to crush harmful gossip.
7 James also said that the tongue sends blessing and cursing out of the same mouth. This is not proper, for a fountain does not bubble forth both sweet and bitter water. A fig tree cannot produce olives, and salt water does not produce sweet water. Of course, as long as Christians are imperfect, the tongue will be beyond taming perfectly. This should make us merciful toward repentant offenders, yet it does not excuse harmful gossip. So far as it depends on us, such poisonous misuse of the tongue will not go on occurring if we truly respect God and his Word.
How Prayer Can Help
8 Temptation to listen to hurtful gossip and then to spread it can be very strong. So if you have yielded to such temptation in the past, should you not ask God for forgiveness and help? Jesus taught us to pray: "Do not bring us into temptation, but deliver us from the wicked one." (Matthew 6:13) Christians who earnestly pray that God not abandon them to such tempting but evil talk will not succumb to this device of Satan; they will be rescued from the great slanderer.
9 If we are tempted to slander anyone, we might pray: "Do set a guard, O Jehovah, for my mouth; do set a watch over the door of my lips." (Psalm 141:3) We could ruin our prospects for eternal life by yielding to temptation and imitating the Devil as a hateful, lying, murderous slanderer. (John 8:44) The apostle John wrote: "Everyone who hates his brother is a manslayer, and you know that no manslayer has everlasting life remaining in him."-1 John 3:15.
Love Banishes Gossip
10 All of us owe others something, but we do not owe hatred that prompts hurtful gossip. "Do not you people be owing anybody a single thing, except to love one another," wrote Paul. (Romans 13:8) We should be paying on that debt daily instead of speaking against others and damaging their reputation. If we claim to love Jehovah, we cannot be slandering a fellow worshiper, "for he who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot be loving God, whom he has not seen."-1 John 4:20.
11 Consider Jesus' parable of the sheep and the goats. Goatlike ones were told that what they did to Christ's brothers was counted as done to him. Would you gossip about Christ? If you would not speak against your Lord and Master, do not treat his anointed brothers that way. Do not commit error as did the goats, who "will depart into everlasting cutting-off." If you love Jesus' brothers, show it by what you say about them.-Matthew 25:31-46.
12 Since all of us are sinners and in need of Jesus' ransom sacrifice, if someone wanted to make unfavorable remarks about us, he could find plenty to say. (1 John 2:1, 2) Of course, we may think that we are doing quite well. "All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but Jehovah is making an estimate of spirits." God's scales are not tilted by favoritism or partiality. (Proverbs 16:2; Acts 10:34, 35) He weighs our spirit, noting our disposition and the impulses that motivate us to think, act, and talk. Surely, then, we would not want God to find that we wrongly consider ourselves clean and others soiled and worthy of hurtful remarks. Like Jehovah, we must be impartial, merciful, and loving.
13 Applying what Paul said at 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 can help us to crush harmful gossip. He wrote: "Love is long-suffering and kind." A sister who is suffering persecution in a divided household may not greet us cheerfully. Or some may be slower physically, perhaps because of poor health. Should not love move us to be patient and kind toward such individuals instead of making them victims of critical gossip? 'Love is not jealous, does not brag, does not get puffed up.' Thus, if another Christian receives a privilege of service we do not have, love will prevent us from speaking against him and suggesting that he is unfit for the work. Love will also keep us from boasting about our attainments, talk that could depress those less privileged.
14 Paul also said that 'love does not behave indecently, look for its own interests, become provoked, or keep account of injury.' Instead of indecently saying unchristian things, we should let love move us to speak well of others and to consider their interests. It keeps us from becoming provoked and speaking against people for real or imagined injuries. Since 'love rejoices not over unrighteousness but with the truth,' it keeps us from engaging in harmful gossip even about opposers who experience injustice.
15 Love 'believes and hopes all things' found in God's Word and moves us to appreciate the spiritual food provided by the 'faithful slave' class, instead of listening to the slanderous statements of lying apostates. (Matthew 24:45-47; 1 John 2:18-21) Since 'love endures all things and never fails,' it also helps us to remain loyal to God's organization even if "false brothers" or others speak against it or its members.-Galatians 2:4.
Respect Curbs Gossip
16 Respect for fellow believers also helps to crush hurtful gossip. Since they are acceptable to God, surely we should not malign them. Let us never be like the "false brothers" that Paul encountered. Doubtless, they said evil things about him. (2 Corinthians 11:26) Apostates must also have maligned him. (Compare Jude 3, 4.) In Corinth some individuals said: "His letters are weighty and forceful, but his presence in person is weak and his speech contemptible." (2 Corinthians 10:10) People do not make such remarks about those they love.
17 Consider the apostle John, who was spoken against by Diotrephes. "I wrote something to the congregation," said John, "but Diotrephes, who likes to have the first place among them, does not receive anything from us with respect. That is why, if I come, I will call to remembrance his works which he goes on doing, chattering about us with wicked words." (3 John 9, 10) Such chattering was a very serious matter, and if we are listening to or spreading similar talk today, we should stop doing so immediately.
18 Urging respect for the upright, John told Gaius: "Be an imitator, not of what is bad, but of what is good. He that does good originates with God. He that does bad has not seen God. Demetrius has had witness borne to him by them all and by the truth itself. In fact, we, also, are bearing witness, and you know that the witness we give is true." (3 John 1, 11, 12) Each of us might ask himself: Am I a chattering Diotrephes, or am I a faithful Demetrius? If we respect fellow believers, we will not make negative remarks about them, giving others reason to view us as chatterers.
19 False brothers did not exist only in the first century. During the 1890's, unscrupulous individuals associating with God's organization tried to get control of the Watch Tower Society. They conspired against Charles Taze Russell, seeking to bring about his end as the Society's first president. After brewing for about two years, the conspiracy erupted in 1894. The false charges centered mainly around Russell's alleged dishonesty in business. Some of the petty charges betrayed the accusers' intention-the defamation of C. T. Russell. Impartial Christians investigated matters and found him to be in the right. Thus, this plan to "blow Mr. Russell and his work sky-high" was a failure. So, like Paul, Brother Russell was assailed by false brothers, but this trial was recognized as a design of Satan. The conspirators were thereafter considered unfit to enjoy Christian fellowship.
Good Works Stifle Harmful Gossip
20 Paul knew that harmful gossip was often related to idleness, not plenty of good works. He was not pleased that some younger widows had learned "to be idlers going the rounds of the houses, and not only idlers but also chatterers and busybodies, talking of what they ought not." What was the remedy? Wholesome activity. Thus, Paul wrote: "So I would have younger ones marry, bear children, keep house, not give the opponent any opening toward abusive talk."-1 Timothy 5:11-14, Byington.
21 If women manage a household, train children according to God's standards, and engage in other worthwhile pursuits, they will have little time for idle talk that can lead to hurtful gossip. Men too will have less time for such speech if they are occupied with good works. "Always having plenty to do in the work of the Lord" will help all of us to avoid the snares of harmful gossip. (1 Corinthians 15:58) Especially will wholehearted involvement in the Christian ministry, congregation meetings, and other godly pursuits keep our minds on spiritual matters so that we do not become unoccupied gossipers and meddlers in other people's affairs.
22 If we keep busy in godly works and seek to bless others spiritually, we will be loyal friends, not disloyal talebearers. (Proverbs 17:17) And if we avoid damaging gossip, we will have the best Friend of all-Jehovah God. Let us remember that seven things detestable to him are "lofty eyes, a false tongue, and hands that are shedding innocent blood, a heart fabricating hurtful schemes, feet that are in a hurry to run to badness, a false witness that launches forth lies, and anyone sending forth contentions among brothers." (Proverbs 6:16-19) Gossipmongers exaggerate and twist things, and slanderers have false tongues. Their words set in motion the feet of those eager to bear tales. Almost invariably, contention is the result. But if we hate what God hates, we will shun hurtful gossip that can damage the upright and bring glee to the great slanderer, Satan the Devil.
23 Therefore, let us make Jehovah's heart rejoice. (Proverbs 27:11) Let us avoid speech that he hates, refuse to listen to slander, and do our best to crush harmful gossip. Surely, we can do so with the help of our holy God, Jehovah.
[Footnotes]
Even today it is not advisable to listen to and spread sensational tales (often not based on any fact at all) about what members of the Governing Body or their representatives have supposedly said or done.
How Would You Reply?
How can prayer help us to avoid slandering others?
How can applying 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 help us to crush harmful gossip?
How can self-respect help us to curb any temptation to gossip about fellow believers?
What bearing can 1 Corinthians 15:58 have on avoiding the snares of harmful gossip?
[Study Questions]
1. What capacity does our God-given brain have?
2. What question now merits consideration?
3. Why would no true Christian engage in harmful talk?
4. If we appreciate our brain and our ability to speak, how will we use our mind and our tongue?
5. What had fellow believers seen and heard in connection with Paul?
6, 7. (a) How did James show the effects of the unruly tongue? (b) What will not happen if we respect God and his Word?
8. How can prayer help us to crush hurtful gossip?
9. If tempted to slander anyone, how might we pray?
10. Rather than gossiping about others, what do we owe them?
11. How might Jesus' illustration of the sheep and the goats give us some food for thought regarding hurtful gossip?
12. What is the essence of Proverbs 16:2, and how should it affect our thoughts, actions, and speech?
13. (a) How can the fact that "love is long-suffering and kind" help in crushing harmful gossip? (b) What will keep us from speaking against someone who receives a privilege of service that we do not have?
14. What else is there about love that would affect what we say about others?
15. (a) How should we be affected by the fact that 'love believes and hopes all things'? (b) What facets of love can help us to stick with Jehovah's organization even if others speak against it?
16. How was Paul treated by false brothers in Corinth?
17. With what sort of words was Diotrephes talking about the apostle John?
18. How did Demetrius differ from Diotrephes, and how might this contrast affect our conduct?
19. How did false brothers seek to defame C. T. Russell?
20. What fault did Paul find with some younger widows?
21. What bearing does 1 Corinthians 15:58 have on avoiding the snares of harmful gossip?
22. What does Proverbs 6:16-19 say about God's view of slanderers?
23. As regards our speech, how can we make Jehovah's heart rejoice?
[Picture Credit Line on page 17]
U.S. Forest Service photo
NeonMadman

Have you spoken to the elders about your concern over the unfounded gossip and slander that is being spread about you? By the elders no less!!!

I would hasten to point out, though, that if you are trying to fade away without getting df'ed or da'd, the last thing you want to do is approach the elders about anything. The minute you do that, you are acknowledging that you are under their authority, and you will dilute the effect of any legal threats you might be able to make against them for slander, invasion of privacy, etc. The best position to take is not to meet with them or to discuss anything with them.
When my JW ex-wife was divorcing me, the elders requested - through her only - to meet with me. They never called me themselves, or stopped by, or anything like that. At the time, we had lived in our (then) current area for a little over a year, and I had never been active in the congregation there. I know my ex had accused me before them of apostasy. I sincerely believe they were trying to entrap me. If they called or stopped by and I spoke with them, it might not have constituted a recognition of their authority on my part, only common courtesy. But if they offered to "help" through her, then I would actually be approaching them for help with the situation, and would unequivocally have recognized their authority over me to do as they wished.
I recognized the pitfall, fortunately, and avoided the trap...
DanTheMan

I DA'd, and I don't regret it. I felt like I needed to make a statement, as well as give myself some closure. I'm sure it shocked the hell out of a lot of people, and that is exactly what I intended. I hope it caused them some serious cognitive dissonance.
Many that are in have serious doubts that they put on the back burner because they're so fearful. Disassociating tells them that you're no longer afraid of them and the hate-god that they worship, and it may embolden ones who are having doubts. I don't know you or all the details of your situation, but in my case, when I awoke to the fraud that is the WTBTS, I didn't want people to assume that I was weak because they weren't seeing me at meetings anymore.
NeonMadman

Disassociating tells them that you're no longer afraid of them and the hate-god that they worship, and it may embolden ones who are having doubts.
Unfortunately, I'm not sure I believe that's true. It was, in the early days of disassociation, when anyone who DA'd was considered to be "rejecting Jehovah". But in the years since, it has become fairly common for people to DA themselves, in effect, to 'avoid a messy trial' (as an elder friend once put it to me). So one who DA's today may not create the shock waves in the congregation that he once would have. Many may just assume that he did something wrong, knew he was going to get disfellowshipped anyway, and DA'd to avoid the hassle of answering the elders' questions.

Any advice on DA process?

Do you shun former members?

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