Oh Mother... (page 2)

Incense_and_Peppermints

why do we treat our family members the way we do? We take all kinds of crap from co-workers, friends, schoolmates, teachers, whatever. But the slightest provcation we lay into a family member...

'cause they know just which of our buttons to push. for the record, i think you're right and your mom is well, not wrong but she should listen to you, her baby. my baby can do no wrong, as far as i'm concerned :) and i certainly wouldn't allow my child to be all unhappy over a couple of cats, that's for sure...

larc

Joann, yes, I would react more to my children than to other people. As Incense said, they know my hot buttons, and I know their's. So, sometimes it is a matter of both me and them pressing buttons at the same time. Maybe, that was what was going on in your situation. Maybe, you were both to blame. If I were you, I would apologize for being brusk with your mother, even if you don't think you were at fault.

joannadandy

Maybe, you were both to blame. If I were you, I would apologize for being brusk with your mother

Larc apparantly you missed it when I said:

I do chalk it up to two pissy people talking to each other on a Friday morning

And I am sorry, but I have to disagree, there is no appology needed on either side. As far as I am concerned the two offences balance each other out.

lauralisa

Hey Joanna,

I'm a mother, and I'm trying to look at your situation from a "mother" point of view.

My two kids are totally spoiled, lay around watching TV all day becoming apathetic sponge-brains in the process... they complain about everything all the time, and they hate every dinner I ever made for them. They buried my jewelry in the sandbox once, have told telemarketers I can't come to the phone because I'm "waxing my moustache", and have gotten "c's" on their report cards. Once my eldest son was SO mad b/c I wouldn't let him watch some idiotic movie that he called me a whore. (Good thing he didn't really know what a "whore" was... he still got into a shitload of trouble tho). Despite all of their incessantly hideous selfish behavior, I adore them with all of my heart and soul and whatever else there is in there to love with, unconditionally, all of the time, and always will.

I tried to think of what it must have been like for you to listen to your mother "go on" -behind your back - about how -whatever- you are for three whole minutes. It must have hurt you immensely.

You are NOT responsible for her miserable life, and it is not YOUR responsibility to meet her emotional needs by cheerfully complying with whatever weird demands she makes (at your own expense). The PARENT meets the KID'S needs, always, and forever. It is forever a ONE-WAY STREET in that regard. The child who is forced or manipulated into meeting a parent's emotional needs will always fail to adequately do so, and bitterness and resentment will always factor in and propagate itself.

My mother hated my guts my entire life, and I had to listen to her talk about me in horrible ways many times. I understood that she was extremely twisted in her thinking, and that helped me comprehend her twisted behavior towards me, but when she died, I felt nothing other than relief. I didn't go to her funeral, and have not shed one tear over her death, ever. Mothers CAN destroy any natural affection a child has for them by tormenting them with unrealistic expectations and endless criticisms.

Why do families treat each other the way they do? Great question..... relatives have so many opportunities to provide help, encouragement, support, joy, etc. to one another. I wish I knew.

Yikes - this hit one of my last nerves (a Baltimoronic phrase!) But I AM sorry you had to go through this. YOU know better than anyone what to do at this point. Get the cat a MAJOR HAIRCUT? A temporary tattoo might be just the thing here.... a new puppie to keep it company????? An iguana. Hey... a HEDGEHOG....................LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLMAO

Hugs, laura

Swan

Ahh, but apparantly did not hang it all the way up. I then hear her ranting to my father about how spoiled I am, and how I never do anything for her, but bend over backwards for anyone else but her, and how smart I think I am, and goes on and on for a solid 3 minute rant about what an awful person I am. When she appeared done, I hung up the phone on my end and went back to work.

Gosh! I know how that must have hurt. We expect unconditional love from our parents; it is really a disappointment when that appears in jeopardy.

It isn't easy, but I have to agree with others on this board who suggested having a confrontation with her, adult to adult, to clear the air. Inform her of what you heard. Bring up the point that her treating you like her awful spoiled child will bring about that kind of a relationship, but treating you as she would an adult friend will probably bring about the same back bending behavior you show to others.

It is really amazing how we often get the very relationship out of people that we expect. Parents are sometimes the last ones to realize this point when it comes to their own adult children.

I hope this helps.

Tammy

not interested

JO

hey dont worry about it just call me tommarrow and lets go out and get drunk, ill even be the sober cab and you know how hard that is for me to do

love ya

NI

RandomTask

When I hear of things like this, somehow it makes me a little bit glad I don't have a mother.

What's your story Prisca? Everyone here probably knows it but me though. I hope you weren't hatched out of an egg!

joannadandy

*luara* I loves ya! I really do! You hit the nail on the head in more ways than one. Can you be my new mommie? No tattoos or haircuts for the kitties, I like them, they are my kitties too, no need to bring them into this. My mom has always been manipulative, you would think I would be used to it by now....

NI--oh my god! You would sober cab?? For me!! That's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said!

Ugly--on the contrary I don't expect unconditional love from my mom, her love has always been conditional on my behavior, my friends, my meeting attendance, my choice in clothes, entertainment. You name it, if I didn't do it they way she wanted, I would never hear the end of it. And when I would protest it was me being a bad and ungreatful child. It wasn't really that shocking. Like I said she has said things like this to me before, to my face, however, it's just always hard when you hear someone talking about you when they think you aren't there. To see the depth of their hate, disgust, or just true feelings about you--hurts. Probably because you realize they are not sugar coating it. They are saying it under the assumption that you will never hear it, which makes it seem all the more powerful and how they "really feel" if you will. I guess today was all about coming to terms with I am never going to be good enough in her eyes. I don't jump when she calls, I don't think the way she does, I don't like the way she does things, and she doesn't like the way I do things...and where do we come together on that??

Prisca

Random Task,

My mother died when I was 11, after having battled cancer for 7 years. I was raised by my Dad and older sister. When I was 18, my father remarried and I was thrown out of home, and basically "disfellowshiped" by him, although not because of JW causes, but thanks to the paranoia of his wife.

Apologies to Joanna for hijacking her thread.

funkyderek

I get a phone call at work today. I am very stressed, my boss has left, thus I am in charge. I had little to no sleep and was very cranky that I was left to blow up 200 balloons by myself.

Your job is blowing up balloons? Cool! Or is that your' boss's job?

Oh Mother...

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