So great to meet you.
Its all ahead of you now!
Getting it out of my system, a VERY long introduction/outpouring..
by adimmedlight 51 Replies latest jw experiences
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TheListener
Welcome adimmedlight. I am really glad you posted your story. It always helps to share your burdens with those who cam relate. You are still young and have a full life ahead of you. I wish you the best.
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SoJo16
My history with my dad is very similar to yours. I left at 18 to go to college an hour away from my home town and congregation. If you decide you cannot remain a witness, think seriously about moving to another town. You deserve to give yourself the opportunity to live life for a while as a non-witness and see how it feels. You can always go back to them. -
fleshyheadedmutant
Welcome. I read all of your story, and do not feel that you are looking for pity, but had things to get off your chest, and feel the uncertainty of your future.
If there is one good thing I learned after I left the JWs it is this: Better to have questions that I can't answer than answers that I can't question.
You have something wonderful going for you...you are young. Please make some goals for yourself, and one I hope you will make is to get further education. It is so refreshing and freeing to learn. It helps to learn about the world around you, and formulate some opinions based on knowledge. You get to know yourself better.
I was in the organization for more than thirty years. When I left I was floundering, and realized i didn't know myself. All I could do was parrot the WT answers, as they did all the research for us. i went to college and graduated at 61 years of age.
I wish the best for you, and hope that you can gain self confidence and shape your own future. It is wonderful to be able to think for yourself.
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adimmedlight
I should clarify: I haven't attended meetings since 2011 and have basically been living life as a worldly person ever since. But I have a few witnesses who keep in contact with me every once in a while. It's tricky to totally cut myself off, because a small group of them were there for me more than my blood family, at times. Thank you all for the well wishes and encouragement! I don't want to slam it all entirely. In a way, it did protect me from a lot of things my peers in school faced and ended up dealing with. Ultimately, a lot of things I've walked away with have helped me in my job and finding a partner. Granted, I've done my share of stupid things too, lol!
It's funny to hear everyone say I've got my whole life ahead of me when part me of me feels like I've already lived most of it. That's the tough thing with being a "mature young one." You're much older before your time and don't know how to act your true age. At least, that's been my experience. I still can't get over the welcoming attitude! It's nice to not have to explain everything. Non-believers have a hard time relating when I try to express feelings about it all. Thank you, everyone! I'm happy to be here!!
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berrygerry
I'm living a life of sin
Religion thrives on guilt. Dubs have mastered this with the best of them.
We can't all be right, but we can't all be wrong, can we?
Dire Straits - Industrial Disease
Two men say they're Jesus one of them must be wrong
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Tornintwo
Welcome a dimmed light, thanks for writing your story. It was moving.
a lot of the comments about being a youth in the organization resonate with me, I'm raising kids now, one has left and the others still in but there is so much PRESSURE. To do more, be a good example, resist natural friendships with people you meet in school and force friendships with people who are waiting to judge you the moment you put a foot wrong. It's not loving...it messes kids up. I see so much stress in my daughter amd I'm heartbroken that I cause it by raising her in this crazy religion.
it was the treatment of my son when he left that started me to question things, reading jwfacts and crisis of conscience everything starts to unravel (you have to read them!) and then the oppressive guilt we carry as JWs starts to lift. What a relief!
After a couple of months of research and listening to my doubts, I'm still half in for family but I've decided we can't know 'the truth' about everything, the GB have tied themselves in knots trying to explain everything and look foolish, there's good and bad in most religions, there's wheat and weeds in all (I've certainly met good kind Christians outside the org and few nasty people within it) and all we need is Jesus teachings, not a long list of rules, hour requirements, guilt and pressure!
Enjoy life and worship the way you want to, God gave us an inner conscience for a reason, no one should be master of your faith except Christ, if God is up there he won't forget all the good you've tried to do for him and he surely appreciates that despite all of your troubles and heartache, you haven't forgotten him.
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Diogenesister
I really enjoyed reading your story..lapped it up. As one of the other posters said..you could literally write a book, even the best need editors! You sound wise beyond your years, which is not surprising considering the life you have lived. It might be worth looking at some therapy.., and definately, above all else, if you can educate yourself. Do read 'Crises of conscience'by Ray Franze and maybe some history (Jeruselem by Simon Sebag Montefiore) and if you can do a course on critical thinking skills..a bit of light philosophy perhaps too!!?? Anything to ensure you have the tools you need to weed out the harmful from the benign. There is some good stuff on the web about recognizing signs of a cult. I am so glad you met kindness too in the JW, there ARE many good people who attend which is why it is so cruel when they are told to shun (possibly when true christian love and understanding is needed most). As you say the constant watching and being watched rang a bell for me, so stressful, so big brother 1984 ish, a modern witch hunt is what it is... closed sessions of JCs with zero rights. 'The world' is more just than that! I wish you lots of love, so glad u posted, thank you -
Diogenesister
If there is one good thing I learned after I left the JWs it is this: Better to have questions that I can't answer than answers that I can't question. LOVE THIS Fleshlyheadmutant ! -
KateWild
Welcome,
Your story is written wonderfully. I feel for you having a father that was inconsistent. We just need stable parents to bring us up. I am not trying to make excuses for him but the WT probably messed him up loads and caused a lot of his problems as an adult.
Don't make the same mistakes he did and stay completely away from the WT now, it's a dangerous cult and can have a mental hold on people that will cause them to be controlled by WT thinking. Think for yourself and keep on learning about the other side to this religion.
Take care
Kate xx