by Ray Skyhorse 27 Replies latest jw friends
How do Witnesses view AA meetings and ACA meetings? Are they ok with the 12 steps? The reason I am asking is because I think it might be beneficial for my jw-wife to attend some ACA meetings but I'm unsure of how "anti-AA" the witnesses are.
Also, if anyone care to make any comments re ACA meetings, I'm all ears. Thank you.
Ray
My guess is that they'd view it as becoming "unevenly yoked with unbelievers" since there is indeed a spiritual element in AA.
Likely, they will recommend going out in service more, more meeting attendance, more comments at the study groups, lots of prayer, and maybe molest a little child just for variety sake.
francois
Hi Ray,
I agree with francois.
However, they are very beneficial. I went when I was about 19 to learn about my dad and his family. Similar to this only in a big room and everyone tells there story. I found it helpful; I did not tell the dubs. I was fading at that point though.
Tina
AA meetings
I can't say if they help or not. I can say that I know several people who belonged to AA and what it did for them was introduce them to more friends with something in common. They would go out together after the meetings and bar hop.
If one truly wants to stop using alcohol, then it may be a good place to start. If one doesnt want to stop bad enough then it could be a good place to make things worse.
From what Ive seen, I would highly recommend that you or another accompany her as a support rather then let her go alone.
Best wishes to you and your wife
It probably depends on how anal the people are in your Hall. We had an elder who had been a secret alcoholic for years and he went to AA and no one batted an eyelash........
One thing you might want to consider is checking your local college or university for courses on helping Adult Children of Alcoholics as many of them offer this. It could give you more insight on how to deal with problems when they arise.
Good luck.
Edited by - Mary on 27 August 2002 20:45:50
I don't know how the 12 step programs are viewed now but I ran across this from 1992.
Best wishes, gb
***
Awake! 1992 May, 22 pages 8-12
Help
for
Adult
Children
of
Alcoholics
A CASE HISTORY
I am an adult child of an alcoholic. My father became an alcoholic when I was eight years old. When he drank, he became violent. I remember the terror the entire family felt. At a time when I should have had a happy childhood, I learned to bury my feelings, wants, desires, and hopes. Mother and Father were too busy taking care of his problem ever to be there for me. I was not worth their time. I came to feel worthless. At age eight the role thrust upon me forced me to stop being a childto grow up instantly and shoulder family duties. My life was put on hold.
My fathers behavior was so shameful that his shame rubbed off on me. To compensate I tried to be perfect. I gave and gave, trying to buy love, never feeling worthy of unconditional love. My life became a performance, with feelings frozen. Years later my husband and children told me I was a robot, mechanical. For 30 years I had slaved for them, sacrificed my emotional needs for theirs, given to them as I had always given to my parents. And this was my thanks? It was the ultimate wound!
In anger, confusion, and desperation, I determined to find out what was wrong with me. As I talked with others who had been reared in alcoholic homes, a lot of pent-up feelings began to come out, things never remembered before, things that had caused my frequent bouts with debilitating depression. It was like an unburdening, a catharsis. What a relief to know that I was not alone, that others shared and understood the trauma of my upbringing in an alcoholic home!
I turned to a group called Adult Children of Alcoholics and began to apply some of their therapy. Workbooks helped change twisted views. I kept a journal to unearth additional feelings, feelings that had been buried for years. I listened to self-help tapes. I watched a TV seminar by a man who was himself an adult child of an alcoholic. The book Feeling Good, from the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine, helped me to build self-esteem and improve my distorted thinking patterns.
Some of these new patterns of thinking became tools, statements to cope with life and relationships. Some of these that I learned and applied are: It is not what happened to us that matters, it is how we view or perceive what happened. Feelings are not to be frozen within but need to be examined and expressed constructively or dismissed. Another tool is the phrase act yourself into the right way of thinking. Action repeated can form new brain patterns.
The most important tool of all is Gods Word, the Bible. From it and from the congregations of Jehovahs Witnesses, along with their elders and other mature Witnesses, I have received the finest of spiritual healing, and I have learned to have proper love for myself. I have also learned that I am a unique person with individuality, that there is no one in the universe like me. Most important, I know that Jehovah loves me, and Jesus died for me as well as for others.
Now, one and a half years later, I would say that I am 70 percent better. Total healing will come only when Jehovahs new world of righteousness has replaced this present wicked world and its god, Satan the Devil.
As an active witness I went to ACOA meetings and know of active JWs who went to AA meetings. It depends on your area and your body of elders. I went to non-smoking meetings. For once here's a group that really practices confidentiality. No handheld prayer at the ACOA meeting. The JWs with the pushiest opinions usually have never been to an open meeting and only know second and thirdhand what happens. I would just go to one and see what it's like what meetings are open in your area. They have good literature on a donation basis.
I went to ACA meetings for about 6 months back in 1986. I have also attended various other twelve step groups. However, I haven't been to a 12 step meeting in over 13 years.
I was not a JW at the time, so I was unaware of what the Org's view of them were.
My opinion of ACA and other 12 step groups.
The good
1. I found a group of people that understood my pain without deep explanations.
2. I was able to come to grips with the tremendous shame I felt.
3. I came to understand my family dynamics and my role in them.
4. Received emotional support and encouragement.
The Bad
1. Even though the literature does not directly state it is the ONLY way to be "sober", "clean", and "abstinent", the is an underlying message that it is.
2. One MUST rely on a "higher power" in order to achieve wellness. I don't care what they say...IT'S GOD.
3. Because of anonymity, there are no studies, or facts, to SUPPORT that 12 programs are successful. And what has been written, only shows how miserably AA, NA, etc., fail overall.
4. Encourage people (ACA) to act like small children. Hence, "listening to your inner child".
5. Contradicting messages. For example, telling people they are "powerless". Yet, saying they "made the decision". One that is powerless cannot make decisions.
6. The disease concept. In the case of twelve step programs, people diagnose THEMSELVES. No medically supervised diagnosic testing is done. "If you think you are, then you are".
7. Anyone who even HINTS at drinking, druggin, eating, etc. too much, is an alcoholic, addict, or compulsive eater. And if that person does not agree they are in "denial".
8. Group Think is rampant in 12 step programs. Particularly in treatment programs. I have seen it first hand. If you express an opinion contrary to what is "official" others in the group pressure you to change your opinion. "you are in denial" "you will NEVER recover".
An excellent book to read on this subject is:
The Truth About Addiction and Recovery by Stanton Peele
Well.......I disagree w/some opinions mentioned here regarding many 12 step programs, but that is my opinions.
I have been attending a 12 step program for over 5 years now-after trying everything and anything, this was my last resort. I will say this, if more people learned and practiced the 12 steps from early on, many many problems would be eliminated in our world. I attend because of living w/an alcoholic for 7 years, for being married to another recovering alcoholic AND for growing up in a dysfunctional house being raised in a dysfunctional religion.
My two year old will learn the 12 steps about the same time he will learn the whole alphabet! LOL
I think that ACOA can help, but it has to be your wife's choice. I dont' believe that you need to accompany her. In fact, I would never recommend a married couple attend a "meeting" at the same time. NEVER. I would encourage and support her to go. If it works for her the next step would be a sponsor in the program. I don't know how all of that would jive w/the dubs, though.
BG, I thought your succinct list was a good statement of the pros and cons of 12 step groups. One of the negatives would not be a negative for a JW, that is, the belief in a higher power, since they do already. I think a JW might be fearful that they would be taught some dogma. Of course, this is not an issue, because the 12 step programs are very generic regarding spiritual issues. I think one factor that might cause reistence to her participation by the elders, is the fact that she will most certainly form friendships with "wordly" people, including a sponsor, who could replace the elders in her life.
