How I Came in The Truth (TM)
By: Katchoo
My mother was a "perfect housewife" type and my father was a shining star of the congregation, and the Presiding Overseer. I was a fourth generation witness, meaning that my Grandfather's mother had started the whole thing with the Witnesses.
I was raised strictly along with my older sister to be a model witness. NEVER miss a meeting, NEVER skip service, NEVER sleep in on Saturday morning. (NEVER eat the candy they give you at school for CHristmas and Halloween!!)
When I was 5 there started to be a lot of problems between my parents. I did not understand what was going on at the time, but it kept getting worse. My father started drinking and kicking furniture around, and my mother started taking prescriprion drugs to cope (Halcyon and Xanax-- TOGETHER).
Turns out my father was screwing the brains out of a sister he was supposed to be helping-- and his supposed friend's wife. (With friends like him.... who needs enemies, right?) During the middle of this scandal, with my father just DF'd and my mother totally spaced out, I tried to stay out of the way. My sister went totally nuts and started sneaking out of the house, doing drugs, etc. Nobody noticed me because I was the quiet, obedient child. So when I started acting funny, nobody really noticed. When it finally came out that I was being molested by a member of my family and of the congregation, everybody was shocked. People already did not let their children play with us because my dad was DF'd. Now, the elders held a committee meeting for me.
They ended up not punishing the bastard at all. nor did they send me to counseling. Instead they told me that I would have to work very hard to make up for it and to make Jehovah love me. They told me I was a very cute little girl and that I should be more careful. So they did the damned convenient thing and blamed in all on me, because they knew I could not oppose them.
That has affected my entire outlook in life ever since. I got baptized at the age of 12 (12 days after my 12th birthday to be exact) to prove to myself that Jehovah could love me and that it had not been my fault. I still didnt believe it. Standing there with the other delegates, I had a sudden feeling of dread, that I was really doing the wrong thing, but I went ahead with it anyway.
THAT WAS THE WORST MISTAKE I HAVE EVER MADE!!!!!!!
It has ruined my life. When they asked the questions, I noticed something that I had not noticed going over the questions with the elders. They did not say "Do you dedicate your life to Jehovah?" They said "Jehovah's ORGANIZATION." There at the age of 12 in the auditorium, I knew I had really messed up. I did not want to give my life to this organization anymore than I wanted to jump off a bridge. Come to think of it, that made me want to jump off a bridge.
Years and years, one (unjust) disfellowshipping, three suicide attempts, and a husband (who saved my life) later, I am finally beginning to understand what it's all about.
For what it's worth, there it is.
--B.
