At one time, nearly all of us held the thought that we would live forever. The thought of our being mortal and actually dying just wasnt there. Deep inside, we all know we are going to die one day, but has the realization of the truth of that ever just hit you, right out of the blue? It did me a couple weeks ago.
Im no stranger to death, having seen it many times. But, I also carried the idea that it wouldnt get me, not for a long time, anyway. I carried a bravado attitude during my time in Vietnam that the bullet that could get me hadnt been invented, like most of us did there. Mostly, that attitude was to hide the fear I felt every day. But still, the realization that death could strike me at any time just wasnt there. Since then, while knowing it could happen, that realization still wasnt there. Joining the JWs even reinforced my faulty thought that I could live forever. Even after leaving the JWs, the thought has still been there that living forever was attainable. That thought came to a crashing halt over the last couple weeks.
I have been dealing with high blood pressure for a couple years now, nothing really serious, but I have been taking medications for it. A couple weeks ago, during a routine visit to the doctor for my prescription to be refilled, although feeling fine and in good spirits, my blood pressure was sky high, even though taking the medication on a regular basis. Add to this, my Dad died of a sudden massive heart attack right after he turned 54 and I turn 54 soon myself. Every test they have given me over the last couple years has come back negative, except for cholesterol, which is high, but not radically high. Diet hasnt helped it, so I got a prescription for that, the doctor explaining that sometimes, cholesterol is genetic.
What drove my mortality home to me, though, was that a day or two after the appointment, the doctors office called and had me scheduled for tests of my heart. Ive always been told that I have a strong heartbeat and things sound good. However, they scheduled an EKG and a stress test for me. The EKG was a week ago Saturday and theyre no big deal, other than having patches of my chest hair shaved. Even the lab technician who administered it said I looked in pretty good shape for a 53 year old. (Ill take any flattery I can get). But, over the next week, sitting here all alone with nothing but my thoughts and my cats, the thought came to me that I wasnt really invincible. Of course, knowing how my Dad died, knowing my blood pressure was high for no real apparent reason and thinking of facing the stress test Friday, for the first time, really stressed me. What if they find something wrong? What if it hits me like it did my Dad? If you can think of a ridiculous thought, I probably had it.
Last Friday, I got off work early and went to the cardiology unit for the stress test. More chest hair shaved. The funniest part was the nurse looking for a fingertip to draw blood from that wasnt callused. No chance, not with me being a mechanic. At any rate, I completed the test and received a clean bill of health. Other than genetics, they have no idea why my blood pressure shot up that day. I breathed a huge sigh of relief and felt like a fool for stressing about it in the first place. But, at least it has been checked.
Still, I now have the realization that Im really not going to be around forever. None of us are. The false hope the Watchtower gave us all is just a bunch of Bovine Scatology. I urge all of you to take care of yourselves, watch your diet and keep check on your blood pressure. I wish to be around for as long as humanly possible, myself.