If demons hang out on websites waiting for unwitting JWs to download them when they go to that particular website, do they travel faster over highspeed lines vs phone lines?
It depends on the size of the demon. Certain smaller, newer demons do indeed travel faster than the older, less optimized ones which were Satan's first attempts.
Are demons capped at a 56k transfer rate over a phone line?
Well duh, of course they are! If you can get a phone line to reliably transfer data faster than 56K, please email me, as I have a very lucrative business proposal to make to you!
Do they prefer to use coaxial cables or Cat-5s?
Oh, Cat5 is always faster, particularly if there are many machines on a network and a smart hub is used.
Do demons die if we download only half of them and then cancel the download, severing them in half? Or does it make a local copy of the demon on the hard drive, leaving the original demon on the host Machine?
Yes, they do. This is a little known, yet oddly Theocratic, way of killing THE DEEMINZ!!!! This does not, however, apply to Apostate websites.
How is the demon stored on the PC, as bits on a hard drive?
Sort of. Even if you have installed the Watchtower's Theocratic Warfare Tools version 1.0.0 and your computer is no part of the world, you can still find the occasional demon lurking in a second-hand file.
Could you remove the demon by formating him, or lock it up in the "abyss" by making a partition, putting a password lock on that partition and never accessing it up again?
Jehover, through his spirit medium the Governing Body, has admonished us before not to use those infernal computer machines. Now you've gone and gotten a demon, you're going to have to call in a Special Elder Task Force to rid your computer of THE DEEMINZ!!!!
Do Demons prefer pcs with lots of ram and Cache memory so they can move around the PC faster?
Oh yes, they do. This is the same as THE DEEMINZ!!!! preferring affluent households to poorer ones.
What happens when a demon goes through a not gate on a pc, does he become an angel again?
Well, considering the fact that there are millions upon millions of little NOT gates in your average computer, the question is up for debate, I suppose. Fortunately, most modern-day PCs transfer data in a parallel fashion, so not all of the demon will be forced to travel through a NOT gate every time. Hope this helps. It may just be better for you to pray more and go out in Field Service more, that should solve all your problems.
Are demons trapped inside a monitor, but let loose when you hook a projector up to it?
Yes, but not if you've used the projector to show parts of the Watchtower's own videos. Then you can be assured your projector is Demon Proof (TM).
Are demons spread around through email hoaxes?
No, they are more sophisticated than that. The Bible (TM) tells us that Satan is "walking about like a roaring lion, seeking to devour the innocent", so if you see a roaring lion seeking to devour the innocent, you can be pretty sure that's your demon right there. Of course, you may not have time to report seeing a roaring lion, seeking to devour the innocent, as you will be devoured, especially if you are innocent. Got that?
If a demon is hiding in a text file and I print out that text file, do I rid the demon from my pc if I burn the paper and delete the file?
No. Demons live in unallocated IDE "spare" sectors. Look this up in your IDE manual if you are not sure what it means. Basically, they live in unused blocks of the hard drive. The best way to get rid of THE DEEMINZ!!!! is to pray more and go out in Field Service.
Can Demons move around through wireless networks? If so, why use networks at all, why not move around freely.
The problem is, THE DEEMINZ!!! specialize. Some of THE DEEMINZ!!!! are specific to second-hand furniture, and others prefer to inhabit Smurf Dolls. The kind we're talking about here tho have to be executed by at least a 32-bit microprocessor to survive, as they think 16-bit microprocessors are lame and for r3t4rdZ. Thus it follows that THE DEEMINZ!!!! need to actually be physically transferred to work, much like a demonized bookmark can cause someone to be dragged through a window by a particularly frisky demon.
If I have the WT Library installed on my pc, does that protect it because Demons hate the name Jehovah and it occures over 7000 times in that bible alone?
Yes, it does. This is not entirely effective however - what works even better, we have found, is to become a Regular Pioneer and sell your computer for food. That works fabulously.
