by coalize 21 Replies latest social humour
For if a woman does not cover her head, she might as well have her hair cut off; but if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, then she should cover her head
that it--NOOLITE---all jw women from now on must shave their heads. but hats must then be worn at all times.
New light! DO NOT READ ANY MATERIAL POSTED IN JEHOVAHS-WITNESS.COM !
We repeat! DO NOT READ ANY MATERIAL POSTED IN JEHOVAHS-WITNESS.COM !
Every baptized member (regardless of age and income) must tithe 10%.
that means you, little Johnny. Crack open that piggy bank--we have to defend the guy who molested you somehow!
New ligh!
Not only will obese people not be used for demonstrations, experiences, talks and parts on an assembly program. They will be made to sit in the KH side room. They will be assigned to meet in this separate annex away from public viewing so as to not "bring reproach" upon the Organization with their less than perfect physiques.
No publisher may show more body fat than the heaviest member of the current Governing Body.
And just like with tobacco they will be given six months to show progressive reduction in body fat.
Otherwise they will be marked. Continued brazen increase in body weight, without repentance, could result in disfellowshipping for gluttony.
Title of latest Awake: 'Oral Sex - A Blessing From God'
There you go:
I propose a series of articles with new light:
First Watchtower Article of new light:All Publishers have to go from door to door and apologize to everyone they ever preached to on a Sunday morning. They are allowed to do this on Sunday mornings.
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Second Article of new light:200 Days of Games is to be held every leap year. Gladiator style in Yankee Stadium.
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Third Article of new light:A massive music concert has to be held annually. The first concert is announced featuring: Jarule, the Williams Sisters, Prince, The Wyans Brothers, The remaining Jacksons, George Benson and friends. Prince has to perform "All along the Watchtower". Cliff Richard and the Shadows have to re-unite on stage. All Jehovah's Witnesses have to sing "Who wants to live forever" by Queen as the closing song.
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Fourth Watchtower Article of new light:A public apology is made to the United Nations for being a slutty whore.
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Fifth Article of new light:All conventions will now have to have air-conditioning, Laser shows and big bands. The article announces a deal for live televised broadcasts on TBN.
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Sixth Article of new light:The name Jehovah is deemed too 19th century. The name Ja, Jehoober or the Big Guy is now deemed acceptable for use in all new Watchtower study articles.
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Seventh Article of new light:Every baptized witness has to watch the Simpsons episode: The Joy of Cult. Failure to do so will result in immediate disfellowshipping and stoning.
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Article eight of new light:Sexy unmarried sisters have to wear skirts above the knees. Its mandatory.
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Watchtower Article Nine of new light:The history of the Watchtower is revised and in the article the Governing Body admits to failures on Malawi/Mexico, Blood policy and all the prophetic dates.
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And finally Article Ten of new light in the Watchtower:The Governing Body apologizes to the world for perpetuating a stupid religion.
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After the last article a week later it starts to rain all over the world.
Hell freezes over.
Thy kingdom come.
New Light:
The Governing Body will fall to Corporate Officers and Helpers.
(Revelation 18:2) . . .“She has fallen! Babylon the Great has fallen, and she has become a dwelling place of demons and a lurking place of every unclean exhalation and a lurking place of every unclean and hated bird. . ."
October 2016 Watchtower - Study Edition
New light on Deuteronomy 14: 1 & 2 Mandatory JW.org tattoos for all
YOU ARE HIS PROPERTY
The Bible says: "You are sons of Jehovah your God. Do not cut yourselves or shave your foreheads bald for a dead person. 2 For you are a holy people to Jehovah your God, and Jehovah has chosen you to become his people, his special property, out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth. — Deuteronomy 14: 1, 2
In previous years some believers unfortunately went ahead with a hardline interpretation of Deuteronomy 14:1. They went as far as to decide that all tattoo markings were wrong, even ones encouraged by God's spirit directed organization! In recent time the faithful and discrete slave has recognized that Deuteronomy 14:2 holds the key to us understanding the previous verse. Who are God's people today? It is evident that they are none other than Jehovah's Witnesses! How are God's people recognized today? Clearly, by the insignia JW.org, it is the identifying mark of all true Christians today!
Some may still seek to argue that this explanation is not enough to prove the need for getting tattooed with God's insignia. However, consider the loving provision that Jehovah God made for Abraham and his household at Genesis 17: 9-14. Abraham and all those who happened to live in his house were to have their foreskins brutally ripped away forever so that they could prove their love for God by being branded in this way!
It is vital for us to follow directives that come to psychically altering our bodies to show our love for God. Note that those who disobeyed that directive would be out to death "that person must be cut off from his people" — Deuteronomy 9:14
Now that we have considered what the Bible clearly teaches do you not now consider that being tattooed in the forehead with JW.org is a loving provision? Not only will this arrangement serve as an identifying mark for overseers and appointed men to identify you as one of their sheep, but for the congregation as well, and most importantly our heavenly father Jehovah who is looking at your JW.org tattoo in secret!
