There is No Reason to be Afraid!! ( of Freedom )

by kairos 11 Replies latest jw friends

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  kairos

  Thinking of leaving the JWs for good is frightening.
  Engaging a quality fade is nerve racking!
  
  There can be horrible consequences that can leave one shunned.
  Even the most careful fade can be undone by many means and loved ones.

  One must weigh the consequences of leaving with true freedom.
  Yes, that kind. Where YOU always make the decisions in YOUR own life.
  

  No need to be reckless and wild to destruction.
  Be like ALMOST everyone else in society that enjoys life to the full and looks out for their fellow.
  Look around you at happy, friendly people in your community.
  So many potential friends to meet if you are interested.

  None of us chose where we were born, our sex, race, etc.
  For many of us, JW life was no exception.

  The REAL LIFE.
  It's right in front of us all.

  It will only be what you make of it or allow to develop.
  Don't get stuck without control of all aspects of your one and only life.

  I'd love to hear from survivors that went through Gehenna® to get out of the ORG and only wish they had acted sooner. Getting out is tough.

  Being free is worth any cost. ( Que 4th of July, fireworks and the Star Spangled Banner )
• 

  LisaRose

  Well, I wouldn't say I went through gehenna to get out, my gehenna was my first marriage. As stressful as the divorce and leaving the religion was, it was still better than being married to the wrong person, that will just suck your soul right out.

  My leaving the religion was a long drawn out affair, the last ten years I was mostly inactive but attended meetings. My ex was disfellowshipped, my children not interested, I don't know what stubbornness kept me going, just fear of the unknown I guess. I finally became a stronger person and started to realize their was no reason to stay in a lousy marriage and a religion that gave me nothing back either. I knew I had to get out of the marriage at least. A chance encounter (online, nothing naughty, classmates.com) with a guy I knew in high school gave me the kick in the pants I needed to cut the cord. I asked my ex to leave and started making plans within the week. He was not surprised, he knew I was done, he had many opportunities to improve, I believe he wanted me to be the bad guy. I also realized the Watchtower had given me really lousy marriage advice and that was the kick in the pants to ditch the religion as well.

  A funny story about my ex that will give you a glimpse of why I left. The day he moved out I was really sick, a high fever, shakes, etc. As I lay there in misery he comes up to me and says "There's no clean towels!" I lifted my head off the pillow and just looked at him, he, not taking the hint said "What will I dry myself off with tonight?" I was too stunned to say anything. Lord help me, did a grown a$$ man of fifty just ask a sick, soon to be ex wife to wash his towels? The divorce was final in early July and it was really independence day for me.

  Despite some nastiness from him, It went pretty smoothly after that, sold the house, wrote my JW mom and told her the news. I thought she would be upset but she never thought I was a good enough JW anyways, so she took it pretty well. Within months months I got a job transfer and moved out of state to be with my high school friend, we've been married fifteen years now, very happily I might add. Yes, there were transition issues, it's very hard to make huge changes in your life like that, but everything worked out.

  Some want to take the band aid off slowly, but by bit (fade) but I ripped that sucker right off, a big dramatic, no turning back statement, which was the right choice for me. I never DAd or anything, moving out of state makes it hard for them to df you, although my JW family still treats me as if I had, but yes, it was totally worth it.
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  flipper

  KAIROS- Great thread topic- really well written indeed. I think that's a fair appraisal of the situation- many of us DID go through HELL, er , Gehenna to exit this high control organization. But as you say - the price we pay is TOTALLY worth it. The thing I cherish the most in my 12 years out after escaping " witch " mountain ( WT mountain ) is like you state the freedom of mind to decide for myself how my life will go ! Some of us who were born-ins ( my JW parents became JW's 8 years before I was born ) had absolutely no choice in the matter for the first 18 years of our life. For many folks that's almost 25 % of your life ! So it does indeed take a TREMENDOUS amount of courage to take the chance of moving forward in life away from the cult when you know a nuclear fallout will occur with JW family relationships - whether it's adult children like I have or siblings, parents , spouses or whomever.

  I was 44 years old when I exited almost 12 years ago and aside from marrying Mrs. Flipper 9 years ago- it's the best decision I ever made in my life. I'm able to pursue hobbies and interests that I never had the time for and even pursue earning a little more money in my business without being made to feel I'm being " materialistic " when I'm just trying to get by, pay the bills , and feed my family ! We are the owners of our own destiny. We don't have to give away our power to anybody anymore without our consent ! Freedom kicks ass totally.

  Although I hope my adult daughters some day exit the JW organization - I do have my son out and we are close . And nephews and nieces who are now out of the cult. So we all will be there for any other JW relatives who decide to exit in their own time- however we won't sacrifice our freedom of mind to go back and pretend to be a JW just to have a " fake " relationship where we wouldn't be happy anyway . Our JW relatives may some day respect us more if we stick to our guns and by living a happy, successful, good life it will make them wonder HOW we are able to do it without the JW organization. Cause them a little cognizant dissonance ! Anyway- Kind of how I see it ! I'm glad you have your freedom of mind Kairos and I'm glad to be a friend . Take care, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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  Freesoul

  Everyone has to decide for them selves what they need to do. When my first husband and I learnt about TTATT he resigned immediately but it took me about 1 year and a half to fade.

  My first husband left the same time as his parents but my parents are all in the cult along with my brothers and sisters.

  I wanted to make sure I did not put my parents in a position where they had to choose between me and their religion because I know what the outcome would be.

  About 5 years after we left our marriage broke up, and my parents were saying this was because I left Jehovah.

  I raised my 2 kids as a single parent but was adamant I was not going back I did not want my children to go through the same mind f***** that I did.

  My teenage kids got into all sorts of trouble that young kids get into today and I never thought I would experience so many ups and downs that I have.

  But even through all the lows that I have had it is still so much better than feeling like a did my whole life being a JW. The getting ready for meetings, sitting in boring meetings, the waste of time, feeling not good enough and feeling guilty all the time, its is so mind numbing. You know what I mean.

  I would rather live a life that is authentic, true and real no matter what happens, with no regrets of what I should have done.

  Because I faded the right way my parents and brothers and sisters are all part of my life and my children's lives. My children are adults now and are doing so well, I am so proud of them and so are my parents.

  I do not bring up religion with my family, but if my dad who is an elder tries, I have done the research and answer him back with scriptures and that usually cuts the conversations short, he doesn't want to know.

  You have to decide for yourself, one day you will feel you can't stand it and the next day you might think you can it all depends on your situation, whether you are married or have children etc.

  You don't have to make any decisions in a hurry. But before you take the step make sure you have support e.g., friends, where you live, what you do for work so that they have nothing that they can hang over you. And yes you can fade successful, the hardest thing for me was having to keep my mouth shut when people who were not my family tried to preach to me, I would just put a blank stare on my face and just smile.

  Take care we have all felt the same way you are feeling now.
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  Phizzy

  When I first walked away I was firstly sad. Sad that I was leaving a group of people I had grown up with, seen marry and have kids and grand-kids, people who had shown me true love and kindness in many ways on many occasions.

  I was fearful too, as to my future. I did not know if Mrs Phizzy would react badly, she is a very fiery person. I did not know if I would be forcibly DF'd or DA'd because I knew I would eventually say "too much". I feared for my livelihood, many of my business contacts and clients were JW's.

  None of my worst fears materialised. Mrs Phizzy came along with me, although we differ as to belief, she rejects the JW religion. My JW family are cool and distant, and we do not get invites to family stuff, but they do not out and out shun us.

  A couple of attempts were made by two Nazi Elders to entrap me so they could DF me, both attempts I managed to thwart.

  Since becoming free I have grown immensely as a person, (sadly literally too, I have put on a number of Pounds.) I feel happy in my skin, I am now the real me. We have made good friends with a few XJW's and even more with non/never-JW's, most of whom don't even know we once were. We have great fun times with them !

  Any cost would have been worth getting to where we are today, to be happy, fulfilled REAL people. We were lucky, the cost was not high at all.

  Take the plunge JW's, get right out, NOW. You can waste more, and possibly all, of the rest of your life by fearfully pretending to be a JW. Go for it ! You have nothing of real value to lose, and everything of value to gain.
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  Vidiot

  Forget "being like everyone else", "doing whatever you want", "living life to the full"; while true (to a dregree), all those things just reinforce the WT's rhetoric that people leave out of selfishness.

  x

  The real value of leaving the WTS is the chance to simply become a whole person...

  ...something you will never truly have if you stay in.
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  flipper

  The other thing I really value is living a REAL LIFE as Kairos mentions in his thread. One of the problems with the Jehovah's Witnesses is they always use this expression " the life we are living right now isn't the REAL life, the real life comes in Paradise ". I mean, it's ridiculous. If I pinch myself right now- I hurt. If I cut my arm. I bleed- seems pretty damn real to me ! So JW's are manipulated in their minds to cheapen their view of living in the " here and now " - and are ALWAYS pointing to the future time in " Paradise " when they will live a " real " life. So since they disrespect the here and now- view it as NOT important is it any surprise in how they treat outside people who they think will be destroyed or even treat each other ?

  So living in REALITY has been a great thing, a real blessing for me. I no longer fear a fictitious " Armageddon " because it ain't going to happen folks. None of us have to live in fear or guilt anymore because the big, bad dream is NOT true. Go live your life and live it happily and well. It's our best revenge on what the JW organization tried to steal away from us- our freedom and our minds . Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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  possum

  I agree its incredibly cruel to manipulate mostly nice gullible people eager to please "Jehovah". (with a payoff though paradise) How many people have put aside artistic endeavors, children and potentially enriching friendships with worldly groups or people that often do real material good for the community. For what??? A cruel mirage. Life it too short to live a nasty little life continually putting people in sub groups worldly, active, inactive, weak, pioneer....how boring and brainwashed was I?
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  kairos

  Thank you for the nice replies.

  I seem to remember hearing a talk a while back how being a JW was "true freedom" or some madness.

  How can living under mind control be freedom?
• 

  kairos

  There can be horrible consequences that can leave one shunned.
  Even the most careful fade can be undone by many means and loved ones.

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/93320002/exposing-ones-identity-when?size=10&page=4
  

  Chilling.