My husband's oldest son just made his dad a grandpa again. This time a boy. 9 lbs 1 oz., born at 10:21AM this morning. They named him Seth Thomas Raymond. This makes three grandchildren in our family. The birth took less than an hour-------cutting it very close this time. Everyone is doing fine.
Hubby took off work today and has been over to the hospital to see him twice already, once by himself this morning and then later today he took Caitlyn to see her little brother for the first time.
I'm stuck at work, feeling left out. I have lots of stuff going on in my head, and feel like I'm in an emotional turmoil. Last night we watched a three hour event about 911, which was really heartwrenching. Today is the anniversary of my first husband's suicide, and also would be my folks 57th Anniversary, had dad lived. Dad is gone and mom is shunning me. I feel so empty inside; there have been so many losses. I think of my son now, and the fact that he will probably never marry or have children, as he says that marriage doesn't work, and he doesn't want to add to the lineage of his own father by having offspring. So, it doesn't look too promising for me as far as having my own blood grandchild through my son. Seems like I'm always getting the leftovers, and I'm just feeling so sad inside. I hate feeling this way.
I just cannot understand how a mother could turn her back on her children, I don't care what the circumstances or how old the children get. I think of this new baby and what it means to the family, and how much love there is. The mixture of emotions is overwhelming. Part of me just wants to go ahead and leave work and try to get over to the hospital, and another part of me says that this is my husband's family, and I am only the stepmother. I think perhaps they need this special time together without me there.
So, I will just finish my work day here and head home at the normal time. I will try to resolve these things that are bombarding my mind, the good news, and the old sad memories, the harsh and cruel realities of a world being plagued by terrorists, and the ongoing injustice of the affects of the WTBTS in my life. I will try to keep my chin up and my hopes high... And, I will look forward to when I can hold a brand new baby in my arms and smell those sweet baby smells that mothers never forget.
I'll probably return to the forum later on this evening.
Sentinel/Karen