Ex Pat,
Thanks for the well put post. My parents automatically assumed that I was no longer upholding Bible principles.
Thinker and I believe they are secretly hoping our marriage will break up and I will "return to the flock". Sad huh? Considering they are totally aware of the hell I lived through with the ex who was a witness. Oh well, we can't change their mind set no matter what we say or do.
I too am sorry for your loss RN. Sad when they always blame it on something else. Not for the very real and should be obvious reasons!
TW
I am materialistic
by expatbrit 28 Replies latest jw friends
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thinkers wife
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digderidoo
Expat,
I'm also in a similar situation, in that i'm a self employed guy, with a growing business.
However, this is only down to sheer hard work...working twelve hours a day, seven days a week until recently.
How dare anyone say that this is materialistic...i do not rely on others, do not not rely on the state, and now am in the position to offer others work.
You go!!! you only have one life...
Yours Paul (aka Digderidoo)
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outnfree
Dear ExPat,
If you are wanting to "fade away" I think you should rethink your decision NOT to attend the Memorial. Nevermind the 'international lurkers' who would report you to Brooklyn: Your own local elders will be alerted by your absence that your inactivity is likely something MORE than just this old world's anxieties weighing you down. Then, should they question you, you are going to find it difficult to keep the truth about your disaffection with the Society to yourself and you are setting yourself up to be disfellowshipped.
And I'm getting the impression you would like to avoid being df'd because of family ties. (Also, won't the parents ask if you went to the Memorial? If you can say yes, then they will be relieved, and they won't feel compelled to question you further on your inactivity, boxing their worries up in a convenient little corner of their minds -- as so many Witnesses do when they are faced with dissonance.)
I am speaking from experience, ExPat. I have a friend who became inactive and has been left alone by the brothers for about 5 years now. During that time I doubt if you could count the number of meetings she's attended on two hands -- but fully 1/2 of them would be the annual Memorial 'celebrations.'
On the other hand, there is me, who after not attending meetings for most of only 5 MONTHS, foolishly was outspoken with only ONE other active Witness. One of my best friends, she went to the elders (at least she only told them that I was "having doubts") who immediately began calling me to see what was going on. OH, would that I had kept my doubts and newfound knowledge to MYSELF and those already out!!!
Because I could not lie to the elders and thus my idea of 'fading away' became an impossibility. Once grilled, I could not hold back from telling them at least that I no longer believed the Witnesses to be God's ONLY channel of communication, and the "spiritual ark" to which all mankind must run for salvation. I then decided my only option was to disassociate myself. I wanted it to be clear that I was rejecting the organization rather than the organization rejecting me.So be careful, ExPat, if you want to fade, you may have to pay the price of the once-a-year Memorial attendance. At least, that is my recommendation.
"Be careful out there!"
Outnfree (since March 22, 2001) -
mommy
Expatbrit,
(((((HUGS))))) Unfortunalty your family will not "listen" to the real reasons you have for leaving. Even if you wanted to tell them. I have been out for 8 years and rarely spoke to my mom about the reasons I left. I finally get up the courage to drop some of the bombs(after being prodded) and she still is labeling me as she sees the situation. The best advice I can give you, is to just know in your heart who you are and what you stand for. If you are comfortable in this, nooone can convince you otherwise.
RN,
My heart breaks for you, how dare they use something that has pained you and try to turn into something that it is not! Life is so precious, and special. The jw people are trained to think that this life is temporary and noone on this earth is worthy of tears. I hope that you were able to grief for your son, there is such a cleansing in this. I am giving away hugs to day and this one is for you
(((((HUGS)))))
outnfree,
You are really a newbie then, just 4 days old. I am sorry that you were tricked into being ousted, I agree it is better to be able to do it on your terms though. Welcome to the board and looking forward to your future posts.
wendy -
expatbrit
Outnfree:
You make some good points about attending the memorial.
On the one hand, I would like to fade away quietly, with as little hassle as possible. Going to the memorial would, as you say, enable the elders to ignore me for longer. Plus my family will ask...
On the other hand, I've been fairly open with my wife and parents about my position. And just the idea of going to another meeting makes me feel nauseous. The sidelong glances, the false heartiness and gladness to see me, the same old crap from the platform....I may well vomit or start snorting loudly in disgust, or even treat a smug elder to a knuckle sandwich!
Curiously enough, there was a funny occurence this weekend. I was working at home on Saturday morning. Mrs Expatbrit was in service. I went out to my car to get some files, and parked across the road was a running minivan. A face appeared at the window and started waving at me. It was one of the local elders. Damn!
He got out and followed me into the garage. I was thinking "OK, this is it!" Then we spent five minutes in absolutely inane conversation!
"How's the wife, how's work"
"Extremely busy. I mean really, really busy"
Finally he told me the time of the Sunday meeting! As if I didn't know! Then he left.
I wonder how long he had been waiting out there before I came out?
Maybe going to the memorial will serve to quieten their zeal a bit, after all....
Dammit! I hate this cat and mouse crap!
Expatbrit
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outnfree
And cat and mouse is really what it is...
I'm sorry for your frustration, ExPat, and I can fully empathize with wanting to avoid the nausea or snores. I had to sit through 2 weeks of TMS/Service Mtgs. before they finally made the disassociation announcement (No, they didn't announce it during Local Announcements, not sure if that was a power play -- keeping the pressure on me just a little longer? -- or just a way to keep the troops focussed on the rest of the Svc. Mtg. because otherwise their minds may have been distracted with conjecture over why Sister Always Prepared was walking away!) I was thoroughly disgusted by the same tired, old, claptrap being spouted from the platform. But MY reaction was one rueful smile after another at the congregation's delusion that they were actually being "spiritually fed"!
I can also relate to your strange elder visit! The friend who turned me in never realized the severe consequences her reporting action would have, because she didn't know just how FAR my prayer, mind and research had taken me away from the organization's stranglehold. She outright told me she didn't WANT any doubts, and that's why she wouldn't listen. After I wrote her a heart-tugging e-mail reminding her that she is my FRIEND and could she imagine telling her son, or Jehovah telling HER, "I don't want to hear it"? -- she agreed to meet face to face. Because I also mentioned in my e-mail that my options were now: 1) surrender to a judicial committee, 2) try to ignore the elders and fade away, or 3) disassociate myself. When she realized the gravity, she was willing to listen -- but only to a point. (Very frustrating!)
(Did I have a point that applied to YOU, ExPat? I'm sure I did... LOL)
Ah, yes! My point was that after our luncheon and my decision to disassociate, she first sent me a very sentimental "good-bye" packager, but then resumed her habit of phoning me on her way home from work each evening, reviewing our days. The axe was about to fall, but rather than speak about the IMMINENT DANGER to our continued relationship (she was going to have to shun me within a few weeks if not days), she just ignored that topic completely!!! (And to think I used to be just as emotionally compartmentalized!) Unreal.
Surreal?
So my take on the inane elder visit is that he didn't want to hear anything you might honestly and -- egad! -- OPENLY reveal. But he sure did want you to reassure him about HIS belief system by putting yourself back under "theocratic order" so that HE would no longer feel threatened by your "aberrant behavior" (aka "spiritual weakness" LOL).
Can everyone here tell that I'm new and that I have all this pent-up anger, outrage, disbelief, relief, etc., etc., to express? :-)
So, you are on the horns of a dilemma, ExPatBrit. But at least after you attend the Memorial (I REALLY, REALLY think you should and here's why:
1) Mrs. ExPatBrit is still in -- and there is nothing more lonely than not having your loved ones along with you for [what to her is still] that very important event;
2) You admit that your parents WILL ask; and, most importantly
3) It will keep you in "camouflage" that much longer so that you can ATTAIN YOUR GOAL of "fading away quietly".)you can come back here to lament how really awful the sterile "celebration" was!
We'll all be here to listen. Promise!
Outnfree
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outnfree
Mommy:
Thanks for the welcome. I've enjoyed your posts here and on H2O for several months now. :D And I'm SO glad to be here!
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expatbrit
Outnfree:
I neglected in my last post to say hi and welcome! Your posts are certainly well thought out!
I've thought about it today, and I think you're right. I should force aside my illogical emotional reactions and view this simply in tactical terms.
In which case, attending the memorial provides room for manoeuvre and uncertainty to my opponents in this chess like conflict.
So, I think I'll go after all, and maybe go to the washrooms 14 times during the program.
Of course, if I come back like Fred Hall, I'll blame you!
Expatbrit
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outnfree
Dear ExPat,
I liked the chess analogy, but WHO IS FRED HALL????
(I have a feeling I'll find out, right?)outnfree