by Vivamus 17 Replies latest jw friends
I couldn't help recalling Queen's famous song (Friends will be Friends). And in the case of the JWs, it should be added: unless you're kicked out.
Only after I left the JWs I realized that those calling themselves "my friends and brothers" were not such. A friend doesn't shun you because you changed your mind on some issues.
Bah. F**ck them all.
Patanegra
Patenegra,
You are right! Even when a witness i could never bring myself to shut out a friend who had been DF,d. I ,m not wired that way!
Bah. F**ck them all.
Amen to that!
Karen, I loved your answer.
Edited by - Vivamus on 23 September 2002 5:4:31
True friendship involves a brand of loyalty, trust, candor, and intamacy that is rare in th eworld today. At age 38 I think I have two TRUE friends, my wife isn't one of them. That's sad.
Very good thread Viv and this one gets me thinking - and the comments have been good too.
I think that for me, friendships exist with others to varying degrees - some are 'close' friends, some are 'good' friends (the two may be synonymous) then there are people I consider to be friends, but that I really don't do much with socially - yet I still veiw them as friends. And as Karen said, there are 'acquaintances' that we all have, and of course, the degree of closeness needed to make them a friend is just not quite there but there can be potential for a friendship in some cases, though often such people simply remain acquaintances for whatever reason.
I have some very good 'online' friendships too. Is an online friend a friend of a different sort? Is the word "online" implying some sort of limit on the degree or extent of the friendship? I've thought about this a lot, and I don't really know the answer, but I have some people that I consider true friends that I have only met online, and I have spoken by phone with a couple of them and that helps solidify the friendship too. They've helped me a lot and have been there for me and I try to be there for them in whatever way I can. I've had a couple of such friendships that have lasted almost three years now, and are still growing and going strong. To me, they are true friendships, limited only by the distance between us physically. I have some newer online friendships too that have been very rewarding and enjoyable.
Sometimes we create (perhaps out of some necessity) certain friendship categories, i.e, school friends, work friends, jw friends, online friends, etc. But to me, ultimately, a friend is a person who is trusting, caring, loyal, fun, and forgiving, among many other things.
Edited by - jack2 on 27 September 2002 9:33:0
Hi Viv,
A Friend in the truest sense to me is someone who:
Always accepts me as I am
Will not reveal personal information about me
Isn't afraid of defending me before others who speak lies about me
Will help me in my time of need even though it's not easy or convenient
Comes to me for opinions and can agree to disagree with me if we don't see eye to eye
Doesn't berate me when I have a not-so-great day and am clumsy about what I say or do.
Someone who appreciates the frienship that I have to offer in return.
YoursChelbie
some awesome summaries on this thread.
Since leaving the dubs
i've had my hands full
on the friendship front.
My biggest problem
is that I don't want to be as judgemental or
harsh to people
as the dubs were with me
when we differed...
so when people approach me
for friendship
i find it difficult to tell them
no.
i didn't trust my own
judgement for a while
so i found myself telling everybody
no. (big stay away sign around my neck)
even though i knew there were a couple of
great friendship opportunities
i could be missing out on....
just wasn't ready.
the think with me and friendship is
i really want balance.
i want friendships that are healthy
for both sides.
that are spawned by a
mutual desire for friendship,
rather than for impure motives.
i don't want people in my life
that are leeches, bloodsuckers,
clinging to me & draining me of my
energies without replenishing me
in return.
nor do I want to be that
kind of friend.
i want friendships
that give + receive
communication, trust, love.
if i want these
i have to build them
and be on the lookout
for them.
and i am finding that totally do-able.
my #1 friendship problem
was initially "reading" peoples INTENT.
I try really hard not to jump to negative conclusions too fast,
but i'm finding it rare that people really have *friendship*
as their motive when they seek to forge an *alliance* with me.
when friendship isn't their real motive,
it quickly becomes apparant.
much of the time
the motive is
sex or politics or religion or $.
this frustrated me at first
but I'm learning not to judge people for it,
but rather to feel compassion for them
for not understanding how much better
friendship for the sheer sake of friendship is.
i guess a person just needs to look at
what it is they are looking for in a friendship
and also what they are willing to give.
then communicate that intent to those around them
that come looking for *alliances*.
I've learned that i have to care for myself
before i can have a good quality friendship,
because having a friend
requires being one.
i have a wonderful friend, "S"
who sets a fantastic example for me
in how to be an awesome friend.
she does the tiniest little things
out of the blue
as gestures of friendship
and shares her time and her intellect
and gradually her heart.
what sets her friendship
apart from the rest is
how patient she has been
with my distrust.
how PURE her motives have proven to be over time.
how supportive she is, and how she leaves me be when i need space.
she is an ideal friend
if ever there was one
(and yes i make sure she knows dat)
she unintentionally reminds me often
of what friendship seems to be built upon...sharing the life experience thing.
you can SHARE a little
and over time
it really amounts to a lot!
i have another good friend "P", who really has a knack
for forging trust. he inspires trust by not jumping to judgement
and by being real.
friendship = alliance.
quality of said alliance
and length or term of that friendship is
directly related to things like
compatibility of INTENT, disclosure,
communication, trust and balance of effort.
sometimes i encounter difficulty
rejecting an alliance which
appears to offer an intent
not compatible with mine at the time.
friendships change over time.
oh, and a good friend is concise. hehe (i need work)
SPAZ
Sassy;
i like the lack of"conciseness"
It makes you who you are
mac
