Ignoring trauma may be healthier

by MegaDude 20 Replies latest watchtower medical

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  MegaDude

  Interesting comments from everybody.

  I believe that if you undergo serious trauma, you have to understand why you went through that suffering. Otherwise, you're doomed to repeat the experience. That experience can be a horrific accident, a crippling injury, death of loved ones, divorce, the Jehovah's Witness cult experience, or being a soldier in war. You can think of many more. However, understanding your trauma and finding some *meaning* from it can take a short time or a long time, ultimately depending on the person.

  I found the article interesting because I met a survivor of the concentration camps once who seemed to have adopted the attitude expressed in the above article. He was in his seventies and had been a child in one of the worst camps. His parents, siblings, relatives, all slaughtered by the Nazi's. He had no real interest in talking about the experience. He was very matter of fact. He had seen the film "Schindler's List" (which had just been out a few months) and his only comment was "It was much worse than that." After he was liberated from the camps, he moved to Isreal, became educated, married, had children, and was very financially successful. Despite our obvious but polite curiosity, he had no desire to share anything from his experience. His whole demeanor on how he dealt with the experience was clear: It happened, it was bad, I have no reason to remember it, I don't wish to re-live it by even speaking about it. We quickly dropped the subject.

  A true story I read once concerned a Jewish woman who went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor noticed she had a bracelet which had baby teeth mounted in gold on it. He remarked that it was an unsual and beautiful piece of jewelry. "Yes, " said the woman. "This baby tooth was my youngest son Jacob, this one my youngest daughter, this one......" And so on. "Nine children. That's a large family" said the doctor. "Yes, and they were all killed in the gas chambers in the camps." "How can you possibly stand to wear that bracelet?" said the doctor. "I'm the head of a children's orphanage in Isreal," she replied.
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  Introspection

  Hi everybody. First of all, I feel like I need to respond to the comment "why relive a nightmare" - while I can appreciate where this is coming from I would have to point out that any processing is a matter of taking the life out of the nightmare, in effect seeing that it is just a dream. That, of course is more of a permanent solution and will most likely take some time, and that's fine. Even if someone says I just don't want to deal with it at all, I say that's fine, that's how you feel now. I think everything begins with accepting yourself as how you are now, but that includes accepting times when you happen to be remembering those experiences, and that is when you can make the decision of whether you want to process it or repress it, naturally, because it is actually coming up. In fact, this may seem contradictory (I call it paradox, it sounds nicer) but if you should choose to repress it, accept that. It's simply what's going on with you, just accept whatever is happening with yourself.

  I think the issue of time is an important point. It seems that the way most people think about how to deal with things is it's not good to put things off, to procrastinate. Of course, what actually happens in reality is that most people are not the type that makes these business like executive decisions immediately, hell if that's the case there would be no need for therapy of any type, you just drop it. Again I say it's for each individual and at their own time if they should even choose to process a trauma. I'm sure there are people out there who doesn't even want to have the words Jehovah's Witness cross their mind, and for that reason they wouldn't be with us on this board. They may go through life avoiding it altogether. While I might say something along the lines of this discussion to a person like that, of course ultimately the decision is up to them. But of course the fact is, you never know just what exactly will happen - even about yourself. People who cling to the idea that their stuff can never be dealt with or again the other extreme, it can be dealt with and it MUST ALL be dealt with NOW - are ignoring this basic fact of life. Just see what happens. This is what I mean when I speak about identification, thinking about yourself a certain way, that it'll never change and that's how you are or how a certain thing is. If that's the really the case, there's no need to think about it. Another way of saying the same thing is just enjoy your life as it unfolds, don't let it become a series of judgements about how you think things are. Where's the enjoyment in that?
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  xenawarrior

  Interesting topic.

  I don't think it's a black and white issue. That one is either totally ignoring their trauma or reliving it over and over again. I think there is a lot of gray area there and our own defense mechanisms kick in to help with that.

  The article said:

  "The findings of this study suggest that a repressive coping style may promote adjustment to traumatic stress, both in the short and longer term,"

  One of the ways people cope with trauma and it's affects on them is a general numbing of their self. They lose the ability to feel in the same way others would. In situations of repeated trauma or trauma that is prolonged over time, the person may become acclimated to the trauma and then become numb. This may mean they don't react to stress the same way others do but they also may not be able to experience joy in the way others might. Hardly a good trade off IMO.

  People who tended to repress their anxiety had the lowest levels of PTSD, the researchers reported

  .

  If this study was done in Tel Aviv- as Lady Lee said- they have been at war in some fashion forever. PTSD happens when there is trauma that goes beyond the mind's ability to cope, thus changes things inside for that person. If someone is brought up in an environment where there is constant war or there is constant dysfunction or continual abuse, that is reality to them. For them, their mind does have the ability to cope with these types of situations- what is going on around them isn't something extraordinary- in fact it's quite the opposite. For me, what they are living through is traumatic. For them it's another day.

  There are many people who are oblivious to how trauma has affected them. They don't see it. That may be a way of ignoring it but is it healthy? Depends. Are the manifestations of their trauma causing problems for them in their life and their relationships and their choices and their health? If not, perhaps they are coping just fine. Those situations are fewer than the ones where there is actual damage and it's evident to either the person traumatized or those around them. They may feel fine but act their "stuff" out on others and create havoc along the way.

  The addage- "You can pay me now or pay me later" rings true in so many cases. And unfortunately, the person traumatized isn't the only one paying for it later on.

  I think the saddest part of ignoring it all-truly being in denial about the affects trauma has had; is that for those who may never face it- they may be stuffing the ability to feel the pain, but along with it goes the ability to experience all the wonderful things in life to their fullest.

  I'll post the link to this article again. It is really a good one about how our memory files all of this stuff away- the good the bad and the ugly.

  Emotional memory management

  http://www.drjoecarver.com/memory.html

  The words of Viktor Frankl:

  "What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him. What he needs is not the discharge of tension at any cost, but the call of a potential meaning waiting to be fulfilled by him."

  XW
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  LB

  I thought this was going to be about ignoring trauma_hound which would be difficult as he's about 7 feet tall with hair to his waist. He doesn't have a personality that would be easy to ignore either. You know he's in the room. I enjoyed meeting him in Edmonds awhile back.

  I try to bury my feelings. Keep them squished down in a deep dark hole, if they try to surface just push them back down where they belong. That's healthy, right?
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  truthseeker1

  I thought this was ignoring massive brain trauma...

  I once got in an accident and was losing a lot of blood. I hit my head on the front windshield really hard, cracked my skull open and everything. I think some glass got into my brain too. I just ignored it and the problem went away...I guess waiting on jehoober does work!
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  Sentinel

  Well, all I can say is, I ignored my "traumas", and proceeded to develope ten stomach ulcers. I actually thought I was "handling" the events well enough, but all I was doing was pushing them back down inside myself and not dealing with them. Years later, I paid the price for that.

  Like you, I feel that facing your trauma is the best choice. It's painful, but in the long run, your body will thank you.

  Sentinel
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  Lady Lee

  Oh Sentinel I hear you so loud and clear. Let's see my repressed traumas led to neck problems, back problems, sciatica, intestinal problems, hair loss, vision problems, anxiety attacks, depression, suicidal thoughts, anger mismanagement, low self-esteem, co-dependancy, fears, phobias, control issues, headaches.....

  Think I will stop there.

  Interestingly once I left the abusive husband, and the abusive religion, and stop talking to my abusive mother and got a good dose ot therapy ALL of the above problems have disappeared.

  Dealing with a life time of abuse was not easy or quick. You can't go around it or avoid it forever. You have to go through it to the other side. It ain't pretty or fun but it sure was worth every tear, every rage and every pain to finally come out the other end.

  Some people can function without dealing with it. But there are scars. Not dealing with it allows open wounds. Perhaps not noticable to most people but the people close to them know.
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  Solace

  Megadude, Thank you so much for sharing this.

  I cant count how many times I have had something on my mind only to have it mentioned by someone on the board. You all are such a big help!

  I was almost beginning to think I was strange for not wanting to talk about the things that I have gone through. I totally agree with this artical. I have always found it very stressful and upsetting for me think about and relive traumatic experiences.
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  MegaDude

  Heaven,

  Whatever works for you works for you. Some people, like myself, need to meticulously examine the why's and what-for's. It can be a very long, drawn-out process. Others say, "Hey, that was some bad sh*t. Glad it's over. I'm moving on." I've seen both methods work for different people depending on their personalites.
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  Yerusalyim

  I could perhaps agree witht he premise IF one were to live in traumatic stress producing environment constantly. But for those who have only a relatively short exposure to one or two events I still think it's more important to process the data. My understanding of PTSD is that it is brought about because the traumatic experience hasn't been serialized for them. Still, holding it all in is better than just letting it all hang out if no one knows how to put the pieces back. WELL TRAINED Critical Incident Stress Teams are effective.