You might be a JW if...

Fatal Error

1. If your reaction to someone wearing a Cross is the same

as a vampire's, you might be a JW.

2. If you think demons can reduce their size to fit in jewelry,

furniture, books, or into blue smurfs you might be a JW.

3 If you equate the numbers 1 to 5 with hours on a time slip, you

might be a JW (just not a very good one)

4. If you feel that death is much more important than birth, you

might be a JW

5. If you think all R-rated movies are not worth seeing, you might

be a JW

6. If you think all men with beards and long hair are not acceptable,

you might be a JW

7. If you think that Circuit Overseers do not receive a salary,

you are a JW

8. If you think Circuit and District Overseers stay in cheap hotels

or the drafty homes of common nieghborhood folk during conventions,

your are a JW.

9. If you think Jesus hasn't accomplished much of anything for

the past 83 years, you aren't the only JW who does.

10. If you think JW's are not a cult, you are a pitiful JW

11. If you think the Wt is not capable of mind control, you are a JW

12. If you think field service is other than working in the corn fields,

you might be a JW.

13. If you think elders are other than elderly people, you might be a

JW.

14. If the newspaper headlines read "All humans on earth are smashed,

and destroyed on Christmas day. Only JW's survive!!" and this would

brings joy to your heart, you'd be a JW

15. If you have constant pain in your right shoulder and can't

unclasp your right hand, you probably have bookbagitis, a disease

unique to JWs

16. If you can't have a conversation with another human being without

hearing a voice in your head saying, "CONVERT HIM OR DIE!", you are

probablya a Dub.

17. If you are a male and sitting in a Kingdom Hall when a very good

looking young lady comes in in a mini skirt, and your first thought

is, "How immodest that sister is!" rather than,"Oh THANK GOD!!",

then most likely you're a jdub

18.If you eat a Turkey on Thanksgiving and feel guilty about it but

insist that it is only because they were "on sale", you are a Dub.

19.If you have costume parties for the "young ones" within a month of

Halloween, and, if you wrap presents in brown paper to give to each

other on "Family Gift Day", you are not only a Dub but a Worldly

Wannabe and aren't fooling anybody.

20.If you have awful dreams about getting caught holding someone else's

cigarette and no one will believe you that it's not yours, yer

probably Dub.

21.If you can't buy a pair of shoes without thinking about how

comfortable they will need to be while walking down residential

streets in 95 degree heat, then yer a Dub.

22.If you just bought a dress that comes down to your mid calf that has

puffy sleeves, a collar that buttons to your chin and lace trim, then

you are a Dub with a part on an Assembly. You might be even thinking

about wearing makeup for the occasion.

23.If you have a child that is 3 years old that sits quietly for hours

at a time while adults discuss mind numbingly boring topics around

him, and you brag about him to all your friends....you might as well

get a saddle for him and ride him because you broke his spirit and he

is no longer a child.And you might be a Jehovah's Witness.

24. If you allow an organization to take the place of Christ, you are

most likely a JW.

25. If you think of an ark as an orgaization, your must be a JW.

26. If you believe that God ignored everyone for nearly 2,000 years,

then suddenly gave His truth to a man who sat around drawing

pictures and plans of pyramids, you must be a Jdub....

26 Or that God gave His truth to a small group of men who keep having

trouble getting their days and years straight, you might be a JW.

27.If you can't pick up a book, or anything else to read, without

picking up something to underline with also, you might be a JW

28. If you insist on calling the NT, the Greek Scriptures, you might be

a JW

29. If you treat all people wearing crosses like they're idiots, you

might be a JW

30. I you have a tendency to justify lying, cheating and stealing if you

do it yourself, you might be a JW

31. If when you drive by a church building you suddenly feel all smug

and superior, you might be a JW

32. If when you drive by a Kingdom Hall you suddenly feel all warm and

fuzzy, you might be a JW or drunk, or both

33. If you feel you have a great wealth of Bible knowledge, you might be

a JW

34. If you're sure your neighbors are all conspiring against you, you

might be a JW

35. If you've spent days at a baseball stadium and never saw a ball and

didn't even have a beer, you might be a JW.

36. If you possess the ability to sing loudly and proudly even if you're

tone deaf, you might be a JW.

37. If the only verse you can quote from memory is Psalms 83:18, you

might be a JW

38. If you're afraid of someone seeing you with a beer in your hand,

you might be a JW.

39, If you're always afraid someone might see and hear you when

you're just finally being "normal", you might be a JW.

40. If most of the songs you sing have numbers for titles, you might be

a JW.

41. If the first names of most of your best friends are either-"brother"

or "sister", you might be a JW.

42. If you'll never watched Friends or Sienfeld, you might be a JW

43. If your church is a "hall" and a sermon is a "public talk", you

might be a JW.

44. If you wash cars or windows for a living but still own five suits,

you might be a JW.

45. If you've never worn comfortable clothes in your life, you might

have been a JW, from birth

46. If you can have a bible study without a bible, you might be a JW

47. If you're 25 years old and have never kissed anyone but your mom,

you might be a JW

48. If you go to New York for the weekend and spend the whole day in a

publishing factory in Brooklyn, you might be a JW

49. If the words "New Light" do not remind you of the hardware section

at K-mart, you might be a JW

50. If you think morning coffee break is a perfect time to preach to

someone, you may be a JW.

51.If you think that service to god can be measured in hours, you might

be a JW.

52.If you think men are superior to women, you may be a JW.

53.If you think sex is a yucky thing you must endure, you may be a

female JW.

54. If you think you're intitled to having sex regardless of what your

wife, thinks, says or how she feels, you might be a male JW.

55.If you think that a higher education is bad for you, you may be a JW.

54.If you think bringing magazines to your hospitalized "worldy"

neighbor is the most loving thing you could do ... you might be a JW.

55.If you think it's unfaithful to God to get an education or get a good

paying job you might be a JW.

56.If you check The WT Index everytime you have a question about

anything, you might be a JW.

57.If you find out your coworker's mother died, and your first thought

is not, "Oh, how awful," but, "This is a great opportunity to talk

about the Kingdom!" ....you might be a JW.

58.If you think a Buick is a spiritually superior automobile...you might

be a JW (Or you might be right):)

59.If the thought of entering a christian book store sends shivers

up and down your spine, you might be a JW

60. If you expect to receive Christmas presents but not to give them,

you might be a JW

61.If hearing the term "governing body" causes you to become awestruck,

you might be a JW

62.If you think the term pioneer refers to someone other than

Davy Crockett, you might be a JW

63.If you think of window washing as a career move you might be a JW.

64.If you think attending 5 meetings a week is a delightful spiritural

experience, you might be a JW

65. If you think Santa is another word for Satan and the elves are

demons, you might be a JW

67.If you feel weak in the knees when you hear the term "apostate", you

might be a JW

68.If you think your "mother" lives in New York City, you might be a JW

69. If you think all four door vehicles are "witness wagons", you

might be a JW

70. If you feel guilty for having natural desires, you might be a JW

71. If you think 1914 is the year to end all years, you might be a JW

72. If you think YOU conjectured the year 1975, you might be a JW

73. If your closet is full of cheap polyester suits, you might be a JW

74. If you never owned a Christmas tie, you might be a JW

75. If you think the sound of a door slaming shut is Christian

persecution, you might be a JW

78. If you think. Russell, Rutherford, and Franz are gods in heaven, you

might be a JW

79. If you have a tendency to refer to books by color instead of by

title...You might be a JW.

80.If you read all of these, and didn't allow yourself to laugh...

...you're definately a JW!;-)

81. If you hear "Along the Watchtower" by Jimi Hendrix or "Walk of Life"

by Dire Straits and you feel spiritually refreshed, you might be a JW

82. If you think the New World Translation is the least biased and most accurate

translation, you might be a JW

83 If you think it took 1,935 years to get 144,000 true Christians, you might be a JW

84. If you think 1799 is the start of the last days, 1874 is when Christ returned, and

1914 is the conclusion of

Armageddon, you might be a very old, disfellowshipped JW

85. If you think "The Finished Mystery" which was released in 1917 was "meat in due

season, you might be a JW who has

never read the book.

86. If you think the "Should You Believe in the Trinity" brochure is nothing but

honest and accurate information,

you might be a JW

87. If you think the destruction of Jerusalem occurring 607 BCE is soundly

supported by historical evidence,

you might be a JW

88. If you think "Jehovah" was in the original writings of the New Testament,

you might be a JW

89. If the Bible makes a statement and the Watchtower says "Logically, this

cannot mean what it says" and you

believe the Watchtower is correct, you might be a JW

90. If you view cleaning up a messy backyard as practice for working in

the New Order, you might be a JW

91. If gospel music makes you cringe, but secular music makes you feel good,

you might be a JW

92. If you believe there was a Governing Body before 1971, you might be a JW

93. If you watch "Oprah" and you see the people who pass the microphones

and it reminds you of a meeting,

you might be a JW

94. If you believe that New Light that becomes Old Light and then becomes

New Light again is God's way of

doing things, you might be a JW

95. If you think the Watchtower was preaching the truth in the years 1914-1919,

you are definitely a JW

96. If you go to "Home Depot" and go down the aisle where the doors for homes

are displayed and you feel the urge

to knock on them, you might be a JW

97. If the "ding-dong" sound on the Avon commercials gets you excited,

you might be a JW

98. If going to 7-11 is something to look forward to, you might be a JW in field service

99. If you have no construction skills and you still go to all the nearby quick-build

Kingdom Hall projects, you might be

a JW trying to get out of field service

100. If the WT Society used to preach a certain teaching years ago and you deny

they ever did, you are a good JW

butalbee

Wow!!

One question: When is family gift day???

FAMILY GIFT DAY can be any day of the year the immediate family so chooses it be is my opinion--got365 days to work with I think...HOW about one each month and get something inexpensive from the 99 cent store..queenie

Robdar

Fatal Error,

Those were great. Some of them had me LMAO.

Butalbee, in my former congs, the family gift day was December 26, the day after Xmas when all the stores were having their clearance sales. ; </P>

Sigh, Sometimes I miss Family Gift Day.

Love,

Robyn

teenyuck

Those are great!

Fatal Error

I thought so too

Tinkerbell4125

Too funny!!!!! lol

You might be a JW if...

Fatal Error

butalbee

Fatal Error

butalbee

Fatal Error

QUEENIE

Robdar

teenyuck

Fatal Error

Tinkerbell4125

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