hi...

HalfWayThere

Hi everyone :)

I was looking at JW sites on the net and i found this site, its pretty cool i must admit and you all seem to be so positive about life after "the truth". But its also comforting to hear how scared some of you were when you first left.

At the moment i'm contemplating leaving the organization. I haven't been attending the meetings much lately, nor done any witnessing, and to be honest i don't miss it. But still the thought of leaving the Org. scares the hell out of me.

I've been disfellowshipped before (been reinstated for 3 years now). The reason i came back was because i missed my family and friends so much and i felt so alone out the "in the world". I tried to put my heart into the truth but i still keep failing and feeling guilty about it, like i can't live up to the expectations that my family and the congregation have of me, which i hate cause i know i'm a good person so why should i have to feel depressed and guilty all the time?? And i can't help but feel disillusioned at what seems so perfect on a global scale, but when you get down to the congregational and individual level, seems so flawed.

So i thought i would share that with you all (don't fall asleep now, lol) and maybe i can learn from those who have gone before me :)

HalfWayThere

waiting

Hey There!

Sorry, that pun came so easily from humming jw songs, eh? Nice to meet you. We're a varied group and it will become more so. Some were joking about a month ago when a volcano erupted somewhere - and they instinctively thought "this could be it".

But then life goes on, or it doesn't - just like life always has been.
It gets easier. I've not attended for over a year now, second memorial I've missed (that was the bigone to miss - kinda like Easter Sunday?)and I'm thankful to be on the other side.

Have you been reading? Hope so - there is an enclopedia of knowledge on the web. Crisis of Conscience is exceptional, along with many others now.

Isn't it remarkable that when you were df'd - you could read and research anything, anywhere, you wanted - and now, reinstated, you must keep it a secret, hide your books, make sure jw's have no access to your path on your own computer? The Truth (jw style) Will Set You Free. A True Oxymoron.

Welcome, hope you stick around.

waiting

Angharad

Hi HWT

Welcome to the board, there all lots of people here, in many stages of leaving or doubting, I'm sure you'll get a lot of help and support.

It does get easier.

mommy

Hey Halfwaythere
Welcome to the board, I am sure you will find encouragement here, as I have. I have been out of the org for about 8 years now, but as you, still have family in. I just found the internet last year and then I found this site. I thought I had dealt with all by Jw stuff, but it came back to haunt. I find it very encouraging to come to a place that lets you be open with your ideas and lets you vent(for lack of a better word)
Like waiting said you have the oppurtunity to research all you can now, and I hope that you do. There are things I am finding out now about the org I had no idea about, it is very eye opening. Part of me wants to share with my family what I have learned, but the other part is afraid what will happen to them if they find out. It is tricky when there is family involved and I understand your confusion. But just think you are Halfwaythere
wendy

expatbrit

Hi Halfwaythere:

Several here are going through the same process you are, and dealing with family situations.

Leaving the org. is scary. You suddenly find yourself without a support system because the org. has cut you off from society for so long. You ask questions like "what if they're right, after all?"

But it is worth it! To take control of your own life; to be free to make your own decisions and be responsible for your own actions; to view the universe without the skewed blinkers of hate and fear that the society makes you wear!

You'll find lots of support here, and lots of information to consider.

Nice to have you here!

Expatbrit.

ShaunaC

Welcome HWT! Glad you have found us. There are many here who will give you much strength, even if it's just by osmosis. I have not posted long myself and can already see how much I've benefited from the association here.

I completely understand how scary it is to leave the WT. I left 2 years ago from everything with nothing & noone on the other side to go to. I too felt the lonliness and was scared to death at the prospect of my life. But somehow, someway I'm continuing to muster the strength not to let fear control my life. There is so much good out here including many fine people here on this board who will understand you like no one else could, despite never meeting you in person or you even having to go in depth about who you are.

Please stay and benefit! I look forward to getting to know you!

Shauna

RedhorseWoman

Welcome, HWT. What you are feeling right now is totally normal. I've been totally inactive for about 16 years now, and one thing that really hit home for me was how easily all the JW truisms come back, no matter how long you've been out. Eventually, however, they lose their power to frighten and intimidate....they're just there.

One of the greatest helps for me was prayer. When I was first inactive, I felt unworthy to pray. After all, I had been taught that only active JWs in good standing could expect to be heard by God. When I asked for and received comfort and answers to my prayers, I was stunned. Seems God doesn't embody the same prejudices as the GB...go figure.

Don't be afraid of knowledge....seek it out, savor it, use it.

Gopher

Hi HWT!

Mind if we meet you, halfway? I just recently jumped on this site and have found incredible support. With people like these out here, you don't have to feel so alone. It's scary to leave, but even scarier to stay.

So come here often. Pour your heart out. You're in safe hands here. We don't mind if it even gets a little long. (I do that all the time!)

Regards,
Gopher

outnfree

Hi, HalfWayThere!

As you can see, I'm already gone, but it WAS scary to leave after spending most of my adult life feeling I was in the right organization but just personally deficient in some way. (Never could do ENOUGH!)

One thing I might suggest to you is for you to go ahead and live a double life. ;0 If you're already missing meetings and service, spend some of those freed-up hours in your life exploring things you've always wanted to do -- sports? arts? music? higher education? This way you will finally have the opportunity to do those things which were frowned upon as being too time-consuming and "unspiritual" during your growing up years. AND you will meet others who enjoy the same things and can start making a new group of [non-Witness] friends.

For myself, I took the opportunity to spend Sunday mornings looking for a new church. (Our meetings were in the afternoon). I have found a non-denominational church [used to laugh at that designation!) where I feel comfortable. I do not believe everything they espouse, but I will not be disfellowshipped for disagreeing, either! LOL I am a "joiner", and I did want the back and forth of Bible study (not the canned responses one is supposed to give from books and magazines that passes for Bible study at the KH) so I'm quite content.

I am in no way telling you to find a new church, HWT. No, no, no! Find something YOU desire to do, and make the new contacts so that when you're "FullyThere" you won't feel so bereft.

Don't let the articles and talks convince you that you're an unworthy worm who isn't giving his/her best to Jehovah. Don't ever let them convince you that leaving the ORGANIZATION is the same thing as leaving JEHOVAH. You CAN have a relationship with God (if you so desire) without the WTBTS. Billions do! LOL Don't give the Society that power over you! You ARE valuable just as you are.

Welcome to the board!
outnfree

Carmel

Hi HWT,

Just to assure you that it's okay to consider a different life, I walked over 40 years ago and I was scared shitless for a year or so! At 15 I was not what you would say ready to take on the big bad world. Lo and behold, I found out the big old world weren't at all what the Borg had brainwashed me into thinking. Went back after I was married to show my wife what it was like. That cured her and we have never thought of JWland as an option ever again.

BTW, what is it on an international level that makes you think the WBTS is so perfect? I'd really like to know and I admit it is a loaded question cause I don't see it!

best to ya and looking forward to yer answer.

carmel

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