Feeling desperate................

by nicolaou 35 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Angharad

  Hi nic

  Sorry to hear about your situation.

  How does your wife feel about this, does she agree with what you are saying but is scared of the consquences or is it that she is still a firm believer?

  I think the best thing you can do, if she is still convinced of the truth is to introduce ideas to her very gently and not to bombard everything on her at once.

  As has already been suggested, make time for yourselves doing something you will both enjoy, and that will bring to closer together. I think this is where Simon and myself went wrong, all we seemed to do was agrue about the 'truth' for months.

  As Red says only you know what will work best for you and your family. But remember that there will always be people hear to listen to you and support you through everything.

  If you want to e-mail me, my address is in my profile.
• 

  Simon

  Hi nicolaou

  I wish I could tell you that it is easy but unfortunately, as you probably figure, it isn't.

  Once thing I can say though is that since we have left we are a lot happier and more relaxed and feel better about ourselves and our children and how we bring them up.

  How best to do things also depends upon your family and how you think they will respond (that is always a surprise) and what your local conregation is like.

  I wish you and yours all the best !
• 

  somebody

  nic, zev, ex, moxy, and all you others that are going through this severe pain and mental anguish,

  I think you've been given wonderful advice here. my thoughts and prayers are with you all, and your families. I'm sorry to see you all in such pain. Take advantage as much as you can, of this DB that Angharad and Simon have provided. It will help you to know that none of you are alone. The people here truly care. Most cry when they read the situation you are in, because they can feel the pain of it. so many people have been where you are, and experienced what you are right now. I wish the best to you all.

  peace and God bless,
  somebody
• 

  somebody

  It's me again...

  I was just reading posts in the Mental Health forum and there is great advice given there too, if any of you want to check it out. It may help some of you who are going through so much pain right now.

  peace,
  somebody
• 

  had_enough

  Hi Nicolaou:

  As many have already said, I too can feel the pain and anguish you are going through. You have received a lot of rational suggestions from ones like Angharad, Simon, Expatbrit and RHD just to name a few of the many good replies.

  These suggestions are without the hysteria and lies, that those still deeply entrenched in the WBTS would say you will find here. Some have been able to make a clean break from the chains and some of us are still caught in the middle because of family ties too hard to break right now.

  Angharad said about your wife,: "I think the best thing you can do, if she is still convinced of the truth is to introduce ideas to her very gently and not to bombard everything on her at once."

  I have one suggestion:

  I found a particularly interesting 'my story' posted on Randy's site of one brother like yourself you found a way to help his family learn what he learned about the WTBS without preaching and causing them to become defensive and close their minds to him.

  He did it in a slow, methodical, questioning way having them think and find answers for themselves to his questions.

  His story is at: http://www.freeminds.org/psych/exithelp.htm

  And some examples of subjects and the way he handled them are on:
  http://www.freeminds.org/psych/exithelp2.htm

  I found this very helpful although my children are grown and married so my opportunities are more limited. Maybe it will help you in your situation.

  Have courage and patience.

  Love from:

  had enough
• 

  circare

  Hi Nic,
  I am sorry you are in such an unpalatable situation at the moment. I feel for both yourself, and your wife and children, as you work through this difficult time for you all. I have enjoyed reading all the posts and seeing the different viewpoints and suggestions. A lot of food for thought here so I hope you don't mind if I add another late thought to it.

  Situations that could be irksome can sometimes be handled quite easily simply by viewing things from a slightly different angle. For example a wife may accompany her husband to football matches, not because she likes football, but because she likes her husband. A husband may accompany his wife clothes shopping, not because he likes clothes shopping (uggh), but because he likes his wife.

  In this particular case you would not be accompanying your family to please or to displease the elders, or to follow the dictates of some organisation, because they no longer fit into the picture for you. You would be doing it simply because that is what your family likes, (at this time).

  It is my experience that a great forte of the male of the species, when their family is involved, is self-sacrifice, followed by another forte of patience. How many years have your wife and children been witnesses? Could you not allow them, at the least, that many months to become unwitnesses?

  One of my favourite sayings is 'when the student is ready the teacher appears'. You have the opportunity to be the teacher for your family when they are ready.
• 

  circare

  er...another late thought.

  In the meantime as regards the 'monsters that lurk on the horizon', again a slight shift in angle of viewpoint. Everyone is entitled to believe what they want, even witnesses. You would like your relatives and friends to respect you and your new view of JW doctrine, and while this is unlikely and probably beyond their mindset, it is possible for you to be circumspect and tolerant in attitude towards them. Yes I know, easier said than done. The rage and the bitterness that expat. mentioned are a natural progression along the way, maybe that is what your friends and fellow 'thick-skinned' travellers here are for? If you have had the strength of character to think these things through and make these difficult changes for yourself thus far, this is but another step on that journey.

  Nic whatever your decision may be to take care of your family I hope it goes well for you.
• 

  hippikon

  Hey don’t worry – Its ok to be a hypocrite - Don’t feel Guilty –Its time to come out – Accept what you are - I have been a hypocrite for years. It can be fun if you put your mind to it. Just don’t get caught. Personally I think it’s a big joke now. I love going to the meetings, sailing close to the wind and pretending I stupid. Works well for me. Freedom is as more a state of mind than circumstance.

  Were all rooting for yah

  Realise too there are probably more people in your territory who were witnesses than are witnesses
• 

  nicolaou

  Well a hearty 'Thank You' to you all!

  I can't deny that for a while there I felt as though I was on the edge of a cliff. It's not as though I would have done anything reckless, I have too much to live for, but sometimes it isn't until you've stood still for a while looking at the waves crashing beneath you that you realise where the real meaning in your life can be found.

  Shit, that was heavy!

  I promise to lighten up - how's this for a first, post traumatic, attempt?
  -------------------------------------------------------------------

  A particularly hard question...

  A nun dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter says to her, "I'm sure you've lead a virtuous life, Sister, but before I can let you into heaven, you must answer one question. What," asks St. Peter,"were Eve's first words when she saw Adam?"
  "Boy," says the nun, "that's a hard one."
  "That's right!" says St. Peter, and the pearly gates open wide
  --------------------------------------------------------------------

  seriously, thanks for all your help and understanding - it is appreciated.

  Nic'

  . http://communities.msn.co.uk/altJehovahsWitnesses
• 

  nicolaou

  If any of you find this post after all these months perhaps it will go some way to explaining my current absence from the board and the withdrawal of the dnc site.

  It's my sincere hope that one day I will have the freedom to pursue my aims via dnc with full commitment. It will happen, it just won't happen right now.

  My wife and children must take priority at this very crucial time (Simon is aware of my situation), I hope that the rest of you will be patient until the time when I can commit to the dnc wholeheartedly.

  The WT is gunning for me right now - they will no doubt have their day.
  Soon I'll have mine!

  I'll keep the dnc site up until the weekend and then it's off - for now.

  Thank you all for your kindness and support over the past 10 months. I'd hate to miss anyone out by naming names - you know who you are. I hope I've been able to contribute something useful to the discussions here and I look forward to doing so again as soon as I can.

  Lots of love

  Nicolaou

  http://www.do-not-call.org