Are Parents Who Shun Their Children At Risk? (page 2)

Dia

This may be bad timing, but I think the media might be interested in your story.

: Who looks after the welfare of ageing witness parents who have disfellowshipped children? Are these DF'd children (actually, some of these DF'd children are in their 60's) meant to ignore being ignored and then care physically for their non speaking parents? Also, can DF'ing your own children lead to witness parents suffering illness or even death as a result?

This may be considered harsh, but any parent who shuns his or her own child, doesn't deserve to receive anything from that child. I can think of no worse pain for a human being than to be totally rejected and treated as dead from that child's own parents.

Farkel

BluesBrother

Firstly, I am very sorry to hear of the bad news in your family E Man . You have my sympathies and I hope that things improve.

In our day, elderly parents were still viewed as the responsibilty of cong members even if the parents were d/fd . If an old sister had needed the help of a d/fd son or daughter then it would have been viewed as "Necessary family busines" and accepted

Apparently the August 2002 K M changed that and brought in a harder line. Many of the dubs that know would { I believe } still honour family responsibilities but i can see from comments on this board that some have taken it as a big change and now cut them off.. A sad case of rulebook thinking .

LyinEyes

I will be denied the privledge of taking care of my dad in his old age

You are an angel!

Englishman

First off, my aged mother has relaxed the shunning thing considerably since the 1914 generation debacle, which pleases me greatly of course. However, whilst she does indeed visit me for 2 days a year, the problem is that she now needs some care, paricularly whilst she recovers from her stroke.

This is the sticking point, she can't actually accept my offer of care because she is well known in the WSM area, and also the congregation in Telford will know where she is too.

She's had lot's of visitors and flowers from the dubs, but that just means that she's spends much of the day making cups of tea as they drop by.

Re my ex-father in law, his funeral was held today.

Englishman.

Fire Dragon

Farkel,

I printed this and put it up in my office:

"I can think of no worse pain for a human being than to be totally rejected and treated as dead from that child's own parents."

Thank you. It couldn't have been said any better.

((((((Lyin Eyes))))))

-Fire

Marilyn

My mother is very sick with breast cancer. I ignore the 'hovahs and get on with what needs to be done. Unless they ask you not to help you should carry on as normal. To do otherwise is to play by the WT rules - and christs knows they are crazy!!!

Marilyn

think41self

Speaking for myself only (of course),

I have informed my parents that I never want to hear from them again.....period.

I told my mother if my dad gets sick, don't call me. If he dies, don't call me. Tell dad the same regarding you. In other words, don't contact me and I will do the same with you. I will not invite you to my kids weddings, nor send birth announcements for their children, I will no longer send you photos of all of us so that you can pretend you are a part of our lives.

I did add one caveat...I told her if she ever quit being a JW she could call me. Otherwise, I hope she lives a happy life and I intend to do the same. For me, it was closure that was needed. She is dead to me anyway, as I am to her...but it's like going on living with a corpse in your house without ever having the funeral and saying goodbye....so that's what I did.

I'm not recommending this for anyone else...but it was something that worked for me. You'd have to know all our history to understand....but I actually felt great after putting that in writing and sending it to them. I feel free.

Tracy

DannyBear

Tracy,

Good for you. You took all the wind out of thier sails. I know it was not easy, and many tears were shed while writing that letter, but like you said.....truly liberating.

I love my sister's and family, but if they choose to shun me, I choose to do the same. When and if they contact me, I will be overjoyed....but until that day....Iam with you.

Danny

Mulan

You are all assuming something to be true, that isn't their policy. I don't have access to the precise WT, but I know that a JW is not let off the hook, to take care of their aging parents, if that parent is disfellowshipped. The reverse is also true.

Earlier this year, I called Patterson (I posted it) and talked for some time to the man at the Washington State Service desk. Mom had been criticized for coming to live with us, and even though we are not disfellowshipped or disassociated, the gossip was hurting her and no one was visiting her. He told me, and then Mom too, that we were doing the right thing, and that even if we were disfellowshipped, no one should criticize a child for caring for their aging parents. He then said he was writing a letter to the congregation to that effect, which he did. He cited the WT, I alluded to above.

It isn't a new policy.

I am just as critical of them as the rest of you, but what you are talking about is personal choice, not the policy of the organization.

garybuss

As many of you know, my parents are in their 80's and are card carrying JW's. They do not contact me and have not for years. If I contact them, they scream and yell and slam doors at me and even blame me for their illnesses. Back in 1995 I wrote them a letter and told them if they wanted any further contact with me the burden of initiation of contact would be on them from now on. I have never heard from them since.

None of the old tricks work on me anymore. I am absolutely not willing to play any of the JW games at all. If Witnesses suffer due to their own behavior, they suffer with willful self righteous piety.

It is incredibly difficult to rescue a person who is happily deluded and willfully ignorant.

I let my parents know by letter if they needed anything like food, clothing, medical attention, or shelter, they needed to ask me. Then I moved on to live my life. They live in a large, wealthy, JW community and most of my relatives, including my brother, are JW's. They brag about caring for their own. I am sure they will do that before they call me.

Shunning JW parents are unlovable (by me) and unhelpable ( by me). If they are uncomfortable, they certainly have earned that. They have divorced me and I have accepted that.

gb

Edited by - garybuss on 3 October 2002 14:39:28

Are Parents Who Shun Their Children At Risk?

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