When brothers don't reach out

by Sadie5 16 Replies latest jw friends

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  Sadie5

  All this talk about privileges being taken away, such as microphone duty, got me to thinking about how some brothers are viewed who aren't reaching out.

  My husband would have fallen in this category. I got involved with the JWs first and looking back I think he just followed along to keep peace in our marriage. He (gladly) followed me out too.

  When we were JWs, it wasn't a priority to him to become a MS or Elder. We had several young child and he would help me with them at the meetings. We didn't spank our children for not being able to sit through the meetings, he would take them out to the parking lot when it got too much for them and walk around with them for a few minutes. So he wasn't interested in handling the microphones.

  He also did not have a lot of time to devote to preparing for talks. He had a very good paying job so that I could stay home with the kids. We weren't rich by any means. His job meant working long hours and being on call frequently, he was in the medical field. If his pager went off, we just quietly got up and left the meeting, he would drop the family off and head out to work. So he didn't want the stress of being on the platform and having his pager go off, so he didn't join the school.

  Field service was kept simple too. We usually did tract work, or just encouraged people to read their Bible. Neither one of us had the time or resources to devote to a magazine route, return visits or a Bible study. We only had one car at the time so I didn't go out during the week. My husband had seen how often a bunch of sisters would go out through the week without having enough child seats for the children that were going along. He did not want the children put at risk like that, and he did not want someone else watching them while I went out.

  At the time, my husband said that this time of our lives needs to go to raising our children. there would be time in the future when our children were grown when we could do more "in the truth".

  Not everyone had his viewpoint and we were looked upon as spiritually weak or materialistic. there was a number of brothers that kept telling my husband to find some other kind of work so he would have more time for spiritual activities. He never tood their advice.

  I'm thankful to be away from all of it. they laid such a guilt trip on us just because we wanted to take care of our family properly.

  Sadie
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  Witch Child

  Hi Sadie,

  when I was "in" we were desperately poor and my husband was always quitting one bad job for another or getting fired. We took a lot of flack when he was considering taking a job which would have meant that he would miss the bookstudy. It was for $9/hour, FAR more than he had ever earned, full time and had benefits which started after only 6 months... at the time we were trying to live on less than $100/week, had no insurance and got food stamps. I was auxillary pioneering but we were still looked down on because we were poor and our car was always dying so we'd need rides... but we were even more harrassed when we tried to get ourselves to a reasonable income!!!!!

  Thank the Goddess I got OUT!

  ~Witch
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  XBEHERE

  I can't speak for all Elders or every congregation but I respect what your husband did. The bible even states that your family comes before al that other stuff anyway. There will always be "Company" men... you know those Elders who pioneer with thier wives, have no kids, but seem to be fountains of advice for child rearing. They eventually become CO's I would imagine. These ones critisize men for not reaching out.

  You always here parts about comparing field service to the Widows mite in Jesus illustration in other words you do what you can, Jehovah values all service. I can almost guarantee that no one giving "widows mites" in the ministry was ever appointed as an MS or Elder you had to at least make national average or very close to it. The whole reaching out system is flawed as you can see.
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  ballistic

  I'll give the Witnesses one thing: they adhere to the bible based priciple "to he that has, more will be given. To he that has not, what he does have will be taken away."
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  LFitzwater

  My husband did want to be a MS. He tried SO hard, but never seemed good enough. We were also very poor. He worked and I stayed home with the kids. He had to get whatever overtime he could just to try to make ends meet. The ends never did meet and we stupidly got ourselves into credit card debt with nothing to show for it. We were looked down upon in the congergation inb the first place because we did not have a nice home and vehicle (wealthy congergation) and also because of an incident that occured shortly after we were married. My husband was a roofer at the time and he was burned with hot tar. It was so bad that he was out of work for over a month and he ended taking a cashier job that paid $7.00 per hour. We lost our apartment. We sold our belongings to move to Texas to live with my mother-in-law. That did not work to well, so after a short time we moved back to FL and lived with my parents and 5 younger siblings. The person my husband worked for was a MS and he did not carry workers comp. He was a sub contractor though and when we got back to FL we found out that he worked for an elder who did have workers comp. We found out we could file on his ins. We did and his ins company said they would not pay, so we hired and attorney. My husband was told that if we did this he would never get anywhere in that congergation. We were desperate though. I had now found out I was pregnant and we were living with my parents. We needed help. So we sued. We ended up settling for only $2000.00 We were told if we waited we could get $40,000 because my husband has permenant nerve damage. We had no time to wait as I was ready to give birth by this time. We took the $2000 and got a place of our own 2 weeks before our son was born. After that people in the congergation acted like we were sue happy and a lot of people totally avoided us. We started attending another hall for a while. My husband could not be a servant in a hall whose territory we did not live in and he could not go anywhere in the hall whose territory we did live in.

  It was a bad situation and always hurt my husband, but in the end we are glad that he did not progress in their ranks.

  Laurie
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  CornerStone

  In my old congregation we had mostly old, codgidy elders who seemed, no DID, relish in hindering most brothers who tried to "reach out" for greater kingdumb privileges.

  Your BEST was NEVER enough.

  HOWEVER, if you were the elders' son, you somehow made it to MS. ( Of course, that is taken away once the MS is caught "messing around" on his brand new wife. )

  But as in any high control group or pirymid scam one is mostly rewarded for their loyal service. I guess I did'nt PUCKER UP enough for the cult of the jehovah's witnesses.

  GOOD.

  CornerStone
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  Cygnus

  Cool stories. I was never an MS for the simple reason that I never got 10 hours of time in. In a way I liked being told "you have so much potential" but never acting on it. I always thought I'd make a good elder some day but thank Jehovah I never got close.
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  CornerStone

  AMEN Cygnus!

  CornerStone
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  Scully

  sadie:

  Not everyone had his viewpoint and we were looked upon as spiritually weak or materialistic. there was a number of brothers that kept telling my husband to find some other kind of work so he would have more time for spiritual activities. He never tood their advice.

  I'm sure the brothers who told him that would gladly let him in on some window washing or office cleaning tips. But then again those same brothers are likely so competitive, that they'd cut your husband's throat in order to get a contract he had for themselves.

  My husband had a good municipal government job. He worked from 7am to 3pm and never worked on weekends, nights or holidays. His office was a 5-minute bike ride from where we lived, so he'd bike to and from work so that I could have the car to run errands with the kids. I tried a few times to go in service, but trying to get someone to work with you when you have a toddler and a new baby in a stroller is worse than trying to find hen's teeth.

  We entertained a lot. At least twice a month we had people from the congregation over for dinner. It was rarely reciprocated. We had the book study in our home for almost 5 years, and served cake and coffee after almost every meeting. We had the service arrangement on weekends - Saturday AND Sunday mornings. We were regularly in service. It was a part of our life.

  We didn't have a lot of money to spare, but we made a point of making regular contributions. We were one of those families who would put together a casserole for someone who was just coming home from the hospital or run errands for someone who was sick or take them to the doctor if they had no way of going.

  Yet, for some reason, my husband was never "good enough" to be appointed. We were good enough to be USED by "Jehovah" (Jehovah's Witnesses, actually) and taken advantage of whenever the opportunity came up, because of that stupid carrot they dangled in front of our noses to "keep reaching out" for privileges, that they had no intention of granting.

  On more than one occasion, hubby was told that he should stop putting his trust in the "world" and try working on his own. We tried it - on a small scale - subcontracted a cleaning job from a brother while keeping his regular job - who then turned around and gave it to someone else when they decided we were just greedy and materialistic because hubby wouldn't quit his regular job.

  Well, now the joke's on them: Hubby did go into his own business, but not in the cleaning field. He's been self employed for almost 10 years, and for the last 5 years, his business has earned him more than double what he earned at his "good government job". Not only that, but I went back to school, got a good job at the hospital and earn more than hubby's old "good government job" too. They can freaking well KEEP their petty two-bit dictatorships and the "privileges" that come with it. They can KEEP their "everlasting life" and their "Paradise" and SHOVE IT.

  The only reason JWs NEED those things in the first place is because they know they are NOTHING once they step outside the KH.

  Love, Scully
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  LovesDubs

  "The only reason JWs NEED those things in the first place is because they know they are NOTHING once they step outside the KH. Scully"

  Amen to that Scully...its little man syndrome. Inside those walls they are little demigods and outside where reality is...they are not even recognized. If who you are is based entirely on the regularity with which you read magazines in front of 100 people, or pass a microphone with flair, or have 12 suits in your closet when you cant even feed your family...you need a serious reality check.