Why does hate come so easy?

by kenpodragon 10 Replies latest jw friends

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  kenpodragon

  My wife has this one friend, who we see a lot. She has been dating this guy for about six months and they are real serious, yet she will not say she loves him. I have listened to her many times explain how she can not say "I love you" easy. She mentions that she does not want to get hurt, or get to committed to soon. Well I can understand that, makes sense doesn't it? Well we had her over to watch a movie and an actor came on. She speaks up and say, "Oh, I hate that actor. He is always such a snob and jerk." Then she goes into how she has a new employee at work she hates him too, because he does this one thing that bothers the hell out of her. Well it got me to wondering something, why does it seem so much easier or more acceptable to say we hate people at times than it does to say we love someone? Have you ever been sitting there talking to someone and bring up a name, and have them say "Oh, that guy hates you." I have and when it happens I feel like crap. I do not like thinking that there are people out there hating me. It also sticks in you for awhile and you wonder why someone would have such a negative feeling about you. Apparently, these same people that are worried about their own feelings with the words "I love you" do not care about other people's feelings with words like "I hate you." At least it seems and feels that way at times. So what are the rules in your life for how fast you fall in love, do they make sense with how fast you turn to hate? Can you see a person in one interview and hate them, yet know someone for six months and not say you love them. Can you read a few post by someone and hate them, or do you see everyone as being in the same boat in life, and show love for them. Just seems like the world throws "hate" around without a thought, but holds "love" in like it is something that can only be shown to a few. While I feel that both have a place, at times, I just think one seems to come out to quickly over another. I always say love me or hate me, just give me enough time to truly prove myself before you make up your mind to quickly. You might think it is risky to love to much for fear of pain in the heart, but what kind of pain does your heart have when you have to much hate. We are born to love in this world, but we learn to hate. I say, do what comes natural and show more love and teach less hate. Just something I was thinking about Dragon

  Edited by - kenpodragon on 2 October 2002 23:13:36
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  Beck_Melbourne

  Love vrs Hate

  Peace vrs War

  I'm with you on the love issue...sometimes you take the words right outta my mouth LOL.

  From the principals you live by Kenpo, it makes me think that you will find more peace than war, more love than hate, more rewards than let downs in your journey through life. It all has to do with attitude and our reactions to negativity.

  I recall a conversation with my step daughter a couple of years ago...she said to me "I hate Emily Baker, she is so ugly and I hate her teeth and she's this, and she's that blah blah". I was kinda shocked...but hey, she's a kid...she doesnt know any better. Yet...my kids don't talk like that..they don't hate people...they hate pumpkin, and vegetables and they hate cleaning out the shower. But they don't hate people, its just something I have discouraged them from saying.

  The word "hate" is over rated in my book...but it all starts when we're children...my kids can hate things....but I ask them not to hate people...strongly dislike is okay. Maybe it is all about semantics...but whatever the case, Hate is out, and Love is in, cos love is gwooovy baby!

  ~Beck~
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  freedom96

  I believe our instincts tell us to like or dislike right away. We usually know when "something just isn't right."

  True love is a deep and complex feeling, and occurs over time. I think deep down we want to be around those who think alike, have a good feeling. When someone crosses our feelings, we by instinct automatically dislike them. It is not comfortable for us, they don't agree, etc. So hate becomes a word that perhaps is overused, simply a feeling that is not agreeable with our inner self.

  I think a person can like someone just as quickly as "hating" them. Just simply human nature. Unless of course one has a piss poor attitude towards everything and just is miserable to be around, then they may be more prone to hating.
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  gumby

  Can you see a person in one interview and hate them, yet know someone for six months and not say you love them.

  Hey kenpo,

  I think 99% of the time people say they hate something....it is an expression. They may strongly dislike something or someone but usually I don't think it's deep hate.

  We say ....I love ice cream, I hate doing the dishes, I love that show, I hate my alarm in the mornings.

  I have heard my friend tell his girlfriend that he loves her when he is telling her goodby, but he tells me he is not in love with her yet. I think much of what we say are expressions .....not to be taken too literally.

  I agree that many use this word way to much and cause alot of hurt feelings.
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  Big Tex

  Hate is quick and requires little or no thought. I think hate is so easy because it is an outgrowth of fear. It is a fact of humanity that we fear what we do not understand. To make the effort to understand requires effort, reason and a modicum of intelligence. Many people are not willing to do that. And so the fear remains. No one likes being afraid of something, and so anger is expressed. If the anger becomes deep seated, I believe that is what finally turns to hate.

  Love requires work. Love needs attention and maintenance. Love is the most mature emotion we have. Love, like wine, takes time to age properly.
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  Beck_Melbourne

  I like your thoughts freedom...on the subject of why we hate so readily...I have noticed that 'hateful' people have a tendancy to thrive in a negative environment...birds of a feather flock together so to speak. If we make our homes and our nests an environment that feeds on hate, it is inevitable we will reflect this in our day to day activities. If we promote love in the home, and if we conquer negativity with love...then we deserve the peace the surrounds us. Loving people are 'people magnets'...hateful people, are not! Those are my thoughts.

  Kenpo, I think your friend may be reluctant to say 'I love you' or to verbally express love emotions because of the environment she was raised in, I could be wrong. I grew up in a home with no physical affection...we were never cuddled or anything like that...so I always feel awkward giving my mother or grandmother a hug. Yet my own kids know no other way...they hug, cuddle, squeeze and smooch me...there are no awkward moments, it just feels right...and this is how they have been raised.

  ~Beck~
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  DannyBear

  Kenpodragon,

  I have been enjoying listening to your muses. Just wanted to say your not being ingnored.

  Danny
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  Navigator
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  Navigator
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  Granny Linda