No You Know: Top Ten Theories

by Duncan 31 Replies latest jw friends

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  Duncan

  Like lots of readers here, I take an entirely unhealthy interest in the doings of our resident prophet You Know.

  I notice that he's not been around for a month or two and this is a time of year he loves, he's ALWAYS prophesying something for October!

  So, why the silence?

  My theories, the Top Ten "Why You Know Doesn't Post" Explanations are:

  1. His local Elders have got all heavy, and he's no longer allowed to play here.
  2. Having convinced himself that the economic system is on the brink of a meltdown he threw all his gold and silver into the streets and now can't afford to pay his electricity bill, curtailing his online activities.
  3. He's been invited to Brooklyn to share his scriptural insight with the GB
  4. He's actually having a Crisis of Conscience and re-inventing himself and his beliefs. (We can but hope.)
  5. Can't think of a No 5
  6. His annual October Surprise is in the works and we'll be treated to it any day now.
  7. He went along to support the Silentlambs march, and is taking a few days off to sight-see New York.
  8. He's managed to convince himself that the reason that previous October Armageddons didn't work out was that he blabbed about them here, online, and queered the pitch for Jehovah. ( "D'oh! That *@*!** You Know! I was gonna zap 'em that time!" )
  9. ...er...
  10. ...That's it.

  Any other theories?

  Duncan.

  Edited by - Duncan on 3 October 2002 10:5:11

  Edited by - Duncan on 3 October 2002 10:54:50
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  pettygrudger

  lol Duncan - I was just wondering where You Know went myself!!!!

  Can't add anything to your list thought -i'm not creative! Thanks for the laugh!
• 

  Celia

  Hope he's not fallen ill or worse...

  Where are you YouKnow ?
• 

  Country Girl

  Naw.. he's prolly just out in the barn yard throwing pearls (the freshwater ones, cuz they're cheaper) before his swine.

  Country Girl
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  SixofNine

  lol @5, 9 & 10

  4. His keyboard no longer works

  5. bboyneyko's site has introduced him to internet porn for the first time, and he's 'very busy' right now.
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  Undecided

  He's taking time off to write a new thesis for the end this October. It's taking longer than usual because his imagination has about covered all the scenarios it could think up.

  Ken P.
• 

  SYN

  1. He is still completing his theory for how the world is going to end this year - and this time it's beginning to suspiciously resemble War & Peace.

  2. Doing "research" with Hugh Hefner and the Playboy Bunnies is very time-consuming, even for Prophets.

  3. The Elders busted him lying about the number of hours he puts in on his Field Service Report, and now he is forced to go out in the door-to-door work every day to make up for it in time for the end of the month!

  4. Ate one too many doughnuts in above Field Service.

  5. Still walking back from his last house in Field Service that ended last week (the "Pioneer Crawl").

  6. Got turned into a "YOU KNOW SOSATIE" by a bunch of "friendly" Apostates. (A Sosatie is a South-African word meaning "small chunks of meat and vegetables with a long thin stick poked through them, roasted over an open flame with sauce on").

  7. Encountered Stephanus in a recent Public Talk they both happened to be attending. 'Nuff said!

  8. Popular theory - he was chowed by a shark in Australia. Ghod knows where THAT theory came from!

  9. Got assigned microphone-carrying "privileges" in his Kingdom Hall, and is now very busy practising for his big day on SUNDAY!

  10. Is visiting the grave of CT. Russel, having vowed to destroy the last resting place of "that dastardly Apostate" with explosives if subtler methods, like cream pies, fail.
• 

  TR

  Maybe he had an epiphany and is now afraid to show his face here. NNNAAAAAWWWWW!!!!!

  TR
• 

  hillary_step

  5) His mother has grounded him for wearing a skirt to the Kingdom Hall.

  HS
• 

  Crazy151drinker

  11) He read some non- JW articles and realised what a jackass he's been.

  12) YOU KNOW and Fred Hall are busy storing foodstuffs for Armegeddon.

  13) YOU KNOW is teaching COMFORTER and BLEEP how to read and write.

  14) He's masterbating.

  15) His DEAMONZ filled toilet ate him.