Hooray, My wife is getting out!

by JG 22 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  JG

  It's semi-official, my wife is serious about leaving the witnesses. Things are moving so fast and I had to repost the following. It fell to page six over night and I was hoping someone had Ideas on how she can get out of her study without probs.

  Repost from last night:

  She and I talked this afternoon and she said that she believes someof what the JW's teach but that she thinks they are wrong on some things. Kinda vague but what do you expect she's a JW. She wants to look at other religions so that we can worship as a family. Hooray!!!!!! So anyway we discussed DFing and DAing and she didn't realize the changes from the last 6 weeks could effect her so much. She said that she would be DF'd over shunning da'd family members because she would never shun her mom and sis. We had a great discussion and I think she is really going toget out.

  Her biggest worry is telling the lady she is studying with that she wants out. I told her to take it easy and be carefull of what she says. She doesn't need to go through a JC and DF proceedings. I think she should just tell her she is going to take a step back and work through family problems and leave it open like she will resume studying later. What do you think she should tell her is there any good way to get out of the study without geting grilled and possibly DF'd.

  Your input would be appreciated.

  Sean
• 

  stichione

  Now wait a minute. Are you saying that she's studying with the Witnesses? If that is the case, and she is not baptized, then she is not going to be df'd at all. All she has to do is tell the person she's studying with that she wants to take a break and think things over. And thats it!
• 

  Joyzabel

  whooooo ray!

  I'm with you, JG, let her step back for a while and then just coming up with excuses not to study. Eventually, they will move on and will forget her (you can only hope).

  Since she is just studying, she has no obligations to explain anything to the one who is studying with her. They don't have her yet

  I'm glad you two are moving on with your lives without being in a high control group.

  Hugs and congratulations,

  j2bf
• 

  JG

  She was baptised and fell away 10 years ago and started studying 1 yr ago. She now wants to stop studying, but doesn't want to get df'd. She wants to slip away and possibly start going to the first Nazarene church.
• 

  Nathan Natas

  JWs are really into the "hard sell" and "fast close" - "If you don't join us NOW, you're gonna die any day now" - and it can be difficult to resist the pressure. Use the same kind of stalling techniques that you would use with a pushy insurance salesman, and remember that the state does not provide "consumer protection back out-clauses" for people who make a poor choice of religion.

  The "broken record" routine is VERY effective. Prepare a short statement, maybe like:

  "Thanks for all the time you've spent with me and for the interesting discussions we've had. I've decided not to rush into anything right now, and I will contact you when I want to continue."

  Repeat this over and over, as if you were a "broken record," to any objection or question they might ask. Promise yourself that after you say this the first time, it will be the only thing you will say until they leave. It might be difficult, but you can turn it into a game. I'll bet you $1 right now that you will not have to repeat it 7 times before they leave.

  If you want a more combative and confrontational statement, we can help you develop that too.

  Good luck!

  Edited by - Nathan Natas on 4 October 2002 18:43:15
• 

  Windchaser

  I think she is making a wise decision to tell the jw who is studying with her that she has a lot on her plate right now with family matters, if she doesn't want to be df'd, etc. right now. The first time I got df'd, I just didn't go to my judicial meeting and saved myself a lot of grief. But, it's up to her.

  Hugs to both of you. I know it isn't easy.
• 

  Nathan Natas

  While I was working on my earlier reply you added the information that she had been baptized.

  This makes the situation more difficult.

  The best thing to do may be to employ "Theocratic Warfare Strategy" - lie like a carpet!

  Tell them your schedule at work is going to be changing and that you'll get in touch when things stabilize, then never get in touch. You may also want to change your phone number.

  Sooth your conscience by reminding yourself that servants of Jah do not deserve the truth.

  It is best if the lie is SIMPLE and INVULNERABLE.

  Edited by - Nathan Natas on 4 October 2002 18:49:45

  Edited by - Nathan Natas on 4 October 2002 19:6:9
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  JG

  Ha Ha!

  I could Lie like a rug, but she won't. She said if she has to be DF'd that's fine if she were to ever go back then she would take the "punishment". I don't know but I'm trying to make it as easy as possible for her. Hope she can find what she needs away from the Borg.

  Sean
• 

  bluesapphire

  Great news JG!

  I think she should just be direct. She should say she is not getting anything from the study and wants some time to think it over and read her bible on her own. She cannot get df'd for that. My husband and I put our house and the market and moved away and we were full blown witnesses. It was funny cuz he was appointed an MS and six months later we were just gone.

  They will pressure her and she can say, "I appreciate your concern, however, I will make this decision on my own. No need to visit me. I know where the kingdom hall is."

  Then when they wont leave, she can say, "I'm sorry you need to leave now. I have plans. Bye." Pushing them through the door.

  She might feel this is rude but it's not any ruder than they are with their intimading tactics. They will tell her she could die at armageddon. She can say, "Well, I'll take my chances. Jesus will be the judge. Maybe you will die at armageddon."
• 

  lv4fer

  She could just conveniently be gone around the study time. She could then have a headache on meeting days/evenings and just sort of be busy and slowly fade away. That is what my family did. There are some who don't talk to us, we've even had the elders come by a couple of times, my husband and I raised a few questions to them that we had and pretty much stated we don't believe in the Org. They still have not dfd us, I keep waiting but I hear nothing. My kids have been told by some of the X-friends that they are not allowed to talk with them because we are apostates, now one would think if we were considered apostates they would disfellowship us.