On the Verge of Leaving the Testigos

Coqui

Looking for suggestions!

I am 38 years old. Not raised in the "TRUTH", baptized in 1984. Married with three very young kids. My wife baptized 9 years ago. I have never been a Pioneer, Ministerial Servant or Elder and never wanted to be. Imagine after being involved with these people for so many years how I must be viewed by not achieving any of these lofty positions. Thankfully going against the grain to a degree and thinking on my own I finished college years ago, have achieved a wonderful secular employment position, have a beautiful home and family.

We have been going through the motions now for many years. I, we cannot continue living this unrealistic lifestyle dictated from New York. About four months ago my wife and I talked about our true feelings and decided we really aren't JW's and maybe we need to change, escape would be more like it, possibly a move. I then typed JW's in the computer and thankfully found many people who thought like myself. (I know in every Kindom Hall there are people who think and feel like me but they cannot express their views because of the understanding of 100% compliance, I would like to test a few) I found so much information and over the months we have become more committed to our escape. I have not been to a meeting in two months. My wife maybe once a week. She fears the loss of a few half-hearted friends. I've gotten a call from one elder, asking "BROTHER, IS EVERYTHING OKAAAAY?" (wink,wink) Please tell me all. You all remember that question, also the question "GEE, WE MISSED YOU BROTHER". Did they really miss me or are they reminding me that I MISSED a meeting. Why are they keeping track anyways? Mental midgets have a lot of time on their hands to keep track of my meeting attendance. Anyway, this same elder came by the house solo and talked to us about a month ago. I wasn't home and I am in the waiting for my next visit. I imagine very soon.

My concern is how to escape. We want our kids to have what I consider a normal childhood ie. birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, school experiences etc. We want to also live our lifes fully, not being dogged by a bunch of hypocritical, judging, self-rightous ignorants. If we disassociate ourselves we are free to do as we please. To me this seems to be the most direct, cut and dry method. If we just slowly drift away I imagine the end result will be a disfellowshipping when my kids have a birthday party or the brothers see me dragging my christmas tree into the house. I prefer to leave under my own terms and let certain friends hear my side of the story rather than be DF'ed. I don't believe a slow drift is possible without a long distance move.

Suggestions please,

Coqui

reubenfine

Welcome to the board! Sounds like you answered your own question. It sounds like da'ing keeps it short and sweet and is what you want, so I would say go for it. I chose to drift away because of the relative thing. At least this way I can have some contact with them and keep some hope. It sounds like you've always been a free thinker. Welcome back to the land of the free!

Lyle

Valis

Coqui, I didn't see mention of extended family that you might lose if you left immediately so consider that in your equation. It may be hard to remove yourself from people you see constantly, but if you know your heart isn't in it then stop fooling yourself, denying your family a normal existence, and wasting at least three or four days a week. Just think of the extra time you could spend w/the wife and kids if you didn't have to go to meetings or in service all the time! By all means disassociate yourself and send them a message to not come around. And think of it! Just in time for Thanksgiving nonetheless!!! AND HALLOWEEN!!! Your children will thank you for this in the years to come....betcha my bottom dollar that's the case. In any case, welcome to the board and tell your family we send our regards and wholeheartedly support whichever route you choose.

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

Joyzabel

Welcome to the board Coqui.

Some here "drift" away due to family members who are jws and won't talk to them if they are Da'd or Df'd.

So its up to you what you want to do. Personally they don't have any authority over me and I don't care what label they put on me, its convencing the family not to play by man's rules that is the hardest.

Welcome and enjoy your little community.

j2bf

A Paduan

My concern is how to escape.

How are you bound? The answer is - you're not. They have no hold over you whatsoever, other than the potential to be nasty - but hey, we can all do that. Just leave, cut and dry, on your own terms - and tell them why. Obviously you don't enjoy buying and selling love.

So they shun you - and? If you are allowed to leave amicably, you would seemingly be in an unusual congregation. Whatever the case, when it comes home to them they're not going to like you for it.

I'd like to say "good for you". Don't even waste a day over it - just do it before brekky tomorrow with a phone call, then forget it for the rest of your life. If they come around, just say 'please go away, I've got nothing to say.'

Well, that's my opinion anyway. Oh, welcome to the board.

paduan

Windchaser

WELCOME COQUI AND FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!

I think your decision is a good one. In my case, I just drifted away and haven't had any repercussions for the five years I've been gone. But, I don't have any family and I don't give a rat's ass if they disfellowship me down the road. They lost the power they had over me long ago.

Nice to meet ya!

Love,

Wind

Coqui

Thanks for the responses and the warm welcome.

The ONLY family we have are two cousins who live on the other side of the country. We see them maybe once every two years. They were the one's who introduced me to the organization when I was 19. I would like to still be able to still talk with them and share my feelings hoping they would once again be free. It would be uncomfortable for us to see them at family gatherings but I feel that the release from our shackles would be worth it.

Coqui

TTBoy

If you only have 2 cousins in the troof and you only see them 2 times a year, and the rest of your family are not JWs then they will be the ones who feel uncomfortable at family gatherings.

I say do not DA yourself. That's playing by their rules. The elders who call may indeed "care" about you but in the end it's either you ARE a JW or you are NOT a JW. Just keep dodging their visits - change your phone number (I don't think that is too hard).

If they say, "we really are concerned and need to meet with you", thank them for their concern and say at this time I have too many things going with my family to spend an evening with you. They will try many ways to get you to have them come over...just keep declining, dodging, after awile they will find someone else to bother.

Glad you have seen the hypocracy! Bless you and your family for your decision, especially your children who get to have a normal life.

TT

TresHappy

I simply left back in the 90's and they haven't bothered me. Perhaps it's because my parents are still very devout in their congregation. I am not for sure why that haven't come and pestered me, however it's been close to 10 years and I hope our distance doesn't make their heart grow fonder.

Coqui

Thanks again for the responses.

It is great to here at home with my family relaxed on a gorgeous fall Sunday morning typing on my computer, getting ready for some light yard work, waiting for the football games to begin, cracking open a cold beer at 12:40AM eastern time while waiting for my house call by the elders.

Question, If we try to drift away, and the elders drive by my house in December and see my christmas tree in the window won't they have sufficient grounds to DF me and my wife. When they see my kids at the neighbors birthday party. See my kids trick or treating. See me standing for the national anthem at a sporting event. See me voting for president etc.

When they see this they will want to obviously meet with me. Correct me if I'm wrong but they can never DF me unless they meet with me in a judicial meeting and find these accusations true. Correct?

Coqui

On the Verge of Leaving the Testigos

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