I'm soooo confused!!! I grew up in the 'truth'. About 4 years ago my parents divorced. My father was never a witness, but my mother was. An elder helped her through the divorce, and even though the divorce wasn't on grounds of adultry, she didn't get disfellowshipped. Shortly after the divorce my mother stopped going to the meetings as much as she did. Work took up most of her time so she began finding less and less time for the meetings. I would go with her to the meetings. So when she stopped going, I stopped going too. Sooo...for these past few years I've been to the meetings few times. A sister stopped by my house one day and asked if i wanted to study, she knew that i used to attend the meetings regularly with my mom. I didn't really WANT to study, but i would feel bad for her and feel guilty if i didn't study. So I studied with this sister for about one year. She was really nice and 'pressured' me into going to the meetings again, though i always 'had something to do' or 'got sick' or 'had something come up last minute' for alot of the meetings to get myself out of going. About 3 weeks ago I moved to college, about 100 miles from home. The sister asked if i wanted her to contact witnesses in the area of my college to continue studying, i said 'sure' because i didn't want to offend her. But i mananged to leave for college before she could ask for my address at college (the first time she asked for it i told her i didn't have it yet). All these years i've been out of the truth, so to say, i've been feeling guilty about not being in the truth. I feel like i've upset Jehovah and like i'm pleasing Satan. Most of all, i feel scared, scared that armaggedon is going to come and i won't be in the truth, scared that i'll die and not get the chance to live forever. After looking at this site, and listening to the first part of that dateline 'silencing of the lambs (i know that not exaclty the title but i can't think of it right now) I'm even more confused. Is this entire religion and lifestyle i've grown up with fake? Is there any truth to Jehovah's Witnesses teachings? I feel the need to abandon it altogether, but i still feel a tie to it, i feel as if there HAS to be some truth to it. Yet i don't feel as 'enthusiastic' about it as i used to, it seems to be a 'chore' to study the bible and whatnot. Well, i just wanted to get these feelings out there, maybe some of my utter confusion can be cleared up. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this...
(This is the same post thats in 'Announcements', but, obviously, since I'm new I didn't notice I was posting in the wrong place, lol)