How Much to Reveal to JWs?

patio34

Hi all,

I just spoke to an old friend from the JWs. We live in separate states and she does not know that I have left. I faked it okay, but if she thinks about it, she will sense the subtle differences and my not-so-deft switch of conversation away from JW-type things.

After I hung up, I didn't feel exactly hypocritical, because my tone was for her benefit. But I did feel dishonest in not being frank about my lack of belief now. But I didn't want to ruin her day, because we know how JWs are.

However, maybe it is a duty to be honest about leaving and let the pieces fall where they may. I feel like a coward. I am thinking about writing her a letter and coming clean to a certain extent. After all, to remain silent helps the WT, n'est pas?

What do you think? For all the walk-aways and fade-aways, is there a responsibility to come clean, so that JWs can at least know all is not right in "Denmark"?

Pat

Edited by - Patio34 on 6 October 2002 21:14:34

Edited by - Patio34 on 6 October 2002 21:16:13

pomegranate

Faked it? JW's fake it too.

Personally, I'm sick of fakes.

larc

Patio,

My opinion is that it is not a good idea to "come clean". It will only cause information overload, and defensiveness in your friend. If you talk to her again, I would bring up one and only one issue, such as Dateline, or whatever subject you have studied and found of interest, and see where that takes you. You will know in short order, if she is willing to discuss doubtes or is very close minded. That is how I see it.

truman

Wow, Pat, can I relate to the situation you have described! I too, have a JW friend of many years in a state far away. Actually, she is the person who initially studied with me when I became a JW, in the early 1970's, so I have known and loved her for a long time.

I have been out of the org. mentally for a little over a year, and quit going to meetings completely about 6 months ago, but am neither df'd nor da'd. I have made the decision that this is information which she does not 'need to know'. It will do very much harm to her, and most certainly ruin our relationship if I were to reveal it to her, and I feel no guilt in keeping it from her. After all, isn't it generally the case that friends may know some of our business, but most do not necessarily know all of our business, especially if it is of a sensitive nature.

I only have limited contact with her due to the distance, and she is very unlikely to learn this information through any means other than my revealing it to her. I see no reason to throw into our relationship, this sack of garbage which the WTS foists upon us walkaways when we have the audacity to leave. She is in her 70's and is a staunch witness who has been abused by the judicial machinery of the org., but has held onto her devotion tenaciously despite that, so I see little benefit in hurting her with the news that I have BECOME AN APOSTATE!!!!!! And of course, that is how she would view the news that I left the org.

So, when I speak to her, I say nothing to give myself away, in fact, when she talks about 'theocratic' things, I participate in the conversation, though making no pronouncenments of my own convictions. It gives me fresh insight into the JW mentality. Last year, I was actually visiting her home on 9/11, and even attended a meeting or two while I was there. It was quite interesting to hear first hand the JW reaction to those events.

Even though I have decided to deal with this situation thusly, and I have made my peace with that, I still feel a deep sadness that I cannot be open with this long time friend, and that this circumstance is basically there for good thanks to the policies of the WTS.

truman

JT

JUST SOME FOOD FOR THOUGHT

we discussed this type of issue here awhile back

there are a number of things to consider- the sad part is FOR SOME THEY DON'T

AND THE PRICE IS very high especially if they are not prepared

just some suggestions

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.aspx?id=5574&site=3

One of the most painful things I continue to see here on this forum as well as all the others is that many who want to leave wt simply don't know how to leave and remain "Intact" as it were.

I recall talking with jw who "Formally Disassociated themselves back in the 70s and it was not till the 90s and the net did they finally feel free

or many who jump UP and write a letter off to Mo Larry and Curly (CONGREGATION SERVICE COMMITTEE)

While I feel there is absolutely nothing wrong with writing a letter for many it is a matter of

1. Poor timing and
2. not being prepared for what will follow

When I read of folks who wrote letters feeling bad or feeling that must meet with the elders to me that means they were not ready AT THAT TIME.

The net is really the answer for all lurkers and those who are thinking about leaving why not Learn how to leave WT at least somewhat Intact

Before writing a letter be sure to get the Pros and Cons of writing a letter- for me personally I wouldnt waste the paper or stamp- but I fully understand for those who do there is no right or wrong should I send one or not

But more of a

1. When should I do this and
2. How-

I highly recommend throwing it out here in the forum for suggestions- the reason why is simple

The avg. jw has so little understanding of the WT Corporate Procedures when it comes to how they deal with folks

Being Former Society Man the rules and policies swallow up the avg. person

I recall seeing persons who are leaving spend weeks Xeroxing 40=50 pages of copies of wt history to Let the bro. know why

They dont give a RATS A$$ and once a person comes to understand that then they know how to proceed

Much like explaining Gravity to a 6 month old baby it means absolutely nothing-

Also understanding that the avg. Joe blow elder is as much a victim as we were

What I have seen here on the net is how some of the most condemning folks ( she got low hours cant be too spiritual)

( she can pioneer her hubby make s enough money) etc myself INCLUDED once we learn the truth about the truth

we feel so bad about how we treated others when we were in the Org-

I look back at some of the judicial cases that we handled and being a Society Man I went by the BOOK

VERY LITTLE feeling for the Individual person GOT TO KEEP THE ORG CLEAN-

SO FOR me know I only hope that all the folks I dealt with in an unloving way can forgive me for it was done out of ignorance and being blinded.

So for any who want to get out--------- please and I beg of you feel free to ask here on the forum what things you need to consider so when you decided to make your move you can LEAVE INTACT

JAMES

"I'd rather have questions I can't answer than questions I can't ask (or answers I can't question)."

patio34

Hi Pomegranate, I'm sick of fakes too, but sometimes it seems the only way to be with some folks.

Hi Larc, Thanks for the post and vote of support. It would be interesting when I talk to her again about one subject. I think the UN debacle is the most damning. Tell Zazu hi, okay? BTW, did my little gift ever get there?

Hi Truman, Nice to hear from you. How's everything going? I appreciate your viewpoint and my friend would be devastated too and I just don't see that any good would come from it. After all, I'm not on a crusade to get people out (not unless it had some chance of success ). I can't really see myself attending a meeting, though. You have much forebearance!

Hi JT, thanks for all that information. It's good. I tell you there's so many times I just wanted to tell Curly MO and Larry to . . . well, you know. But restraint until we gain equilibrium is the better choice and saves a lot of emotional trauma--or as you put it, leaving intact.

Pat

larc

Patio,

Yes, we got your gift, and indeed, it was very nice and much appreciated. God bless you and your dear sister, old what's her name - heee heee! Hope to see you in the Carolina's but we won't know until the week before if we will be able to make it.

plmkrzy

But I did feel dishonest in not being frank about my lack of belief now.

I think it's normal to feel that way only because of how we were taught to view any "non" believer. BUT the reality of it, IMO, is having thoughts that no longer go in the same direction as they once did does not make us benedict Arnolds. We are not stabbing anyone in the back by having a change of mind and not confessing it to all our friends, but that is exactly what we've been taught to believe. If we change our minds, we are traitors. So personally I think it would be a lot easier for you then it would be on your friend to not share your every thought right away.

(If you tell her everything it will make her feel bad and she may see you as someone who will be destroyed at armegeddon. Why put her through that?)

Remember if she is a total JW then she would only be able to see your honesty as treacherous. If she somehow found out down the road then she might see it more sympathetically rather then OMG!

Edited by - plmkrzy on 7 October 2002 0:30:41

minimus

Don't do anything til you're ready and absolutely sure.

Navigator

JT-Very good advice!

How Much to Reveal to JWs?

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