Dear Shelley,
My reply isn't going to be about the salvation per se, but my experience with salvation. I was a JW for 24 years. The last 12 were spent in the depths of darkness, despair and frustration. In my search outside of the JW org, I read everything I could get my hands on (of a religious nature). I researched other religions ( ie, Judaism, Islam) and the various Christian denominations. I researched 'religion' as an institution of man. But I was drawn to the message of Christianity, so I would alternate between reading more "christian" books and listening (off and on) to tv preachers (scared stiff of church). Between the books and preachers I became even more confused. I cried, I pleaded, I begged and I bargained with God for enlightenment and direction. It didn't matter. I gradually slipped into a deep depression, so much so that I eventually stopped caring so much about religion, salvation or whether anybody was speaking truth. I didn't really care about anything. I hit rock bottom.
When everything became a non-issue, I approached God again, but this time minus the emotional tantrums and trying to get my own way or save my own skin. And something else I realized...my seeking God wasn't of my own initiative. It was more like a magnetic pull or guidance. My motive was different. No longer was I looking for salvation. No longer was my interest "self-interest." My search wasn't about what He could do for me. My heart's desire was just to know Him for His own Name's sake. I made a pact with Him. I told Him that this time around, it had to be just Him and me because I didn't trust ANYBODY. All I wanted was Him, period. I began reading "just" the Bible again. But this time it was with new eyes and over a period of time I realized it was speaking to me. And this time the miraculous happened. Something we, as JW's, knew nothing about. For the first time in my life I experienced true conviction and repentance. It's something quite different from common misconceptions. And for the first time I understood exactly why we "need" Jesus and what He accomplished 2000 years ago (and all of this apart from how He is religiously conceived). There is greater detail to this experience, but the bottom line is that after expressing this all out loud to God I received the baptism in the Holy Spirit and was made a child of God. Salvation is about becoming a child of God. It's NOT about religion, religions, rules/regulations, or the authority of such.
So now I know that one can "know" they are saved. One can know that they are a child of God. I know that I have been called to be a witness for Christ. Jesus really is the Son of God, and He is alive today and makes Himself known to His own. When people tell you that it's as easy as saying a few words to Jesus, they are partially correct. The gospel is very simple. The hard part is getting the intellectual acknowledgement to filter through the heart. From the beginning to the end it is an action of God. We don't have what it takes to do it alone. We can't even desire God without His direct intervention. It is the Father that brings us to His Son, and it is the Son that baptizes in the Holy Spirit and ultimately reveals the Father to those that belong to Him.
I hope this is a blessing to you. May your search be pure and true. If you would like my testimony in its entirety, please let me know.
PB
