What can a mother do??

Tish

I have just had a conversation with my son who is 8 years old and don't know what to do. I'll start from the beginning so you understand.

As some may know my hubbie left me when I was still a witness for not believing the truth and also went off with another woman. I then after a few months met a man I fell in love with instantly. Obviously I was D/F as I confessed openly to the elders. My son latched on to all I told him when I was a witness from a young age and loved the meetings because of all his friends. He has said to me if he had the choice that he would go back to the meetings tomorrow, even choosing it over Christmas. I know this is just because he misses he friends, but I now know how false it all is as I can see clearly now I'm out of the Borg. It screws me up so bad. He says he misses reading the bible, so I have started reading it to him at night, even though I am too screwed up to pray for the children at night, I often hear him doing so. I know this is all my own fault, but don't know what to do for the best. My daughter who is 6 thinks it is a blessing in disguise not having to go to the boring meetings that she doesn't have to sit still for.

Yours very confused

Tish

blondie

Tish, does he miss his friends because of their personalities or because of the things that had and the places they went?

Does he have new friends, neighbor kids or kids from school or non-witness relative kids? Does he form friendships easily?

If he has a hard time making new friends, why not help him out by inviting some of the neighbor kids over or a few kids from school. If he has non-witness young relatives, add them to the mix.

Part of the attraction at the KH is the weekly association 3 times a week with a social set. It is organized for you and requires little effort. Now some effort may be required to replace that automatic social life.

Does he like sports? Maybe signing up for Little League or a soccer team could widen his horizons.

If you still retain your belief in God and the Bible, reading together would be helpful. Try a different translation from time to time. I doubt if you are applying the JW headship rules; why not have your son pray for your family if you aren't up to it (depending on what he prays for).

Having been a child of divorce, whether JW or not, it takes time for kids to adjust.

Hope things go well.

Blondie

Angharad

Dont be too hard on yourself.

How about getting him interested in a new hobby and maybe joining an afterschool club, so that he can build new friendships. I'd continue to read the bible to him if he likes it - why not encourage him to learn about other religions too, so that he can see that there are many good people not just witnesses and you can serve god in your own way without having to go to the hall.

Edited by - angharad on 14 October 2002 5:32:6

Dia

Don't confuse your standing with JWs with your ability to talk with and pray to God.

He's there for you and He's listening to your son, too.

Empathize with your son. Listen to him. Let him know that you're hearing how sad he is that things have changed.

Let him know that when he grows up, he has the right to choose any religion he wants. Even JWs. Then don't press it. There are a lot of years between 8 and grown-up. He'll have a long, long time to learn many, many things about religion and God.

But God is always there while you're looking and learning.

I'll pray that you can really find something to replace what he was getting out of JWs. Don't assume it's religion he needs to make up the difference.

He might have liked the chance to socialize with kids his own age (or older). He might have enjoyed the chance of learning something and getting immediate (and enthusiastic) positive feedback. Or of proving his ability to behave well or to do something well. Especially something that some people considered hard to do (like going door-to-door). Or of being around such 'distinguished' older men and of aspiring to be like them someday.

He's only 8. Don't probe too deeply.

But try to open up his opportunities to be challenged.

Woodworking comes to mind. Horsebackriding? 4H Club? Boy Scouts?

Perhaps the season might be a good time to go exploring various churches together in your area. He might want to know a whole lot more about Christmas before he dismisses it.

If you can get ahold of it, there is a series of inexpensive, paperback child development books by Ames and Ilg that can be VERY helpful to any parent. They are listed under the titles, "Your Eight-Year Old", "Your Nine-Year Old", etc., etc.

I'm confident you would find them very helpful. And fun, too.

It makes all the difference that you CARE. God bless your efforts.

mamashel

First of all you sound like a really good mommy!

I remember when my youngest son was about 5 or 6 yrs old, and i could not believe how much they actually learn and retain, but he looked up at me on a Sunday morning in my bedroom with tear filled eyes, and said "mommy i dont want to die in armegeddan." I thought my heart stopped. I had never felt pain like that before. I honestly felt pain in my heart. My husband and I just looked at each other, and didnt even know what to say. I just pulled back the covers and let him jump in the bed with us and held him as tight as i could. I later took him aside and explained to him the best way that i could that mommy and daddy's make mistakes sometimes. I relized at that time that FEAR is the biggest thing that the organization uses to keep you in, and even my baby was afraid. I told him that we thought that we were doing the right thing at the time, but we were given bad and wrong information, and try to put those things out of your head. I know it will only be with time that these things will really be able to diminish out of their heads, and there is still alot of confusion for them (we have 6 children), but the thing we have done for them is to get them very involved in activities. They recently have been playing football, and they love it. They are also into swimming and karate. I try to keep them as busy as possible.. It has been really really good for them. As a matter of fact, one of my sons that was very shy and quiet, has so much more self esteam now, he really feels good about himself.

I feel so bad sometimes for what i put them through over the last 10 years of being in the org, but just pray that one day soon, i will find out the truth about God and Jesus Christ and know it in my heart.

I hope all is well with you and your son. God Bless

Shellley (mamashel)

Dia

ps - will he still be going to meetings with your ex?

Tish

Thanx for all your responses, I'll try some of them out. I am hard on myself I know that, I hate at the moment not knowing the answers like I used to think I did. May be one day i will.

Luv to you all

Tish

A Paduan

Have you taken him on nature type outings, perhaps with a friend. Hey, you could invite his favourite witness friend over, or would they shun him. Can he play with his old friends with no witness stuff, or do other parents forbid it.

It sounds like he wants some fun.

paduan

Edited by - a paduan on 14 October 2002 17:35:35

Valis

hey Tish just another thought for you here...perhaps one of his school mates goes to a church that isn't too preachy and has a Sunday school type thing you might approve of. Usually they are innocous enough so as to not give you worries about borg style influence. You might see if he has any of his buddies that go to church that he could spend the night with and go to church w/them on Sunday. Might give you a break from him and also give him a part of something that he "thinks" is missing. BTW...here's a thread for you to look at for a cheer up as well...

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.aspx?id=35492&site=3

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

Double Edge

Boy Scouts?

That might be a real good substitute. He would be of Cub Scout age. Find a Church or group that has a good scouting program... you can check with your area council and find out out what your options are. If you get a troop affilated with a Church, you might get the best of both worlds.

What can a mother do??

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