What Was the Most Unbelievable Thing You've Heard? (page 3)

nilfun

Only one? Had a member of the annointed interrupt book study with this long
harangue about how evil the Jews are. Of course, since he was one of the
annointed, this was uttered under Jehovah's direction.

Cygnus

I heard that God spoke his judgments and denunciations by means of the Governing Body of Jehovah's Witnesses.

I also heard that demonized mirrors would not break and demonized perfume bottles would keep reappearing every morning on some poor unsuspecting sister's dresser.

And now I hear that the Awake! magazine will only be issued monthly instead of bi-monthly in certain languages!!!!

Also, I heard a sister tell us from the platform that she lost control of her car but the angels grabbed the steering wheel and saved her from certain disaster. She died a year later of cancer.

One brother said from the platform that "Jesus got the shaft."

And I swear that, just once, I saw You Know post a nice message to all us filthy, foul apostates.

bay64me

A sister told me that her aunty (a wordly person) had knitted her mother a tea cosy and it was demonised. Every time the poured the tea out of it they had their hands burned! ! ! !

Perry

Yes minimus, it was a very cruel and irresponsible thing to promote. It caused untold damage to families. My uncle really did sell his house. He ended up losing everything and later died of alcholism.

On a lighter note, we had an elder book study conductor, who after reading a paragraph about JW's teaching the animals to not be afraid in the new system, actually say that no doubt this would extend to sea creatures as well. He ranted on about how we would no doubt get in little boats and start taming fish.

We all had a big laugh after the study and for months to come. It still cracks me up to think about it.

Imagine being in a little row boat and saying, "heeeeeere fishy, fishy, fishy." and then, "Daddy, I'm getting tired of eating grapes and figs. Can't we eat just one of the fish." Dad says, " Are you kidding son? It has taken me almost a month to teach the damn thing to come when its called. And now you want to eat it. Where is your appreciation for the loving provisions provided us by through F&DS? You could be executed for such treason!"

Scene fades: Dad is rowing to shore to turn in his rebellious son while he softly sings, "Were Jehovahs Witness, We Speak Out In Fearlessness", while the son shits his pants imagining what horror awaits him.

Dear god, how did we all ever live through such non-sense?

Perry

Dismembered

here's one of many

How a 20 year old partook of the emblems and they counted him in as one of the 144,000. They should have kicked him in the arse and told him to leave

Dismembered

mamashel

This is the God's truth. One day when my mother-in-law came by the house finding herself trying to encourage us to come back to the meetings, I told her i didnt want anything to do with it any more. She looked me right in the eyes and told me (now remember this is our kids grandmother) that my children were going to be eaten by the crows in the end times.

Nice grandma, huh

mamashel

minimus

Nilfun, here's a similar story with an older brother who was very much out of touch and not of the annointed (lol),that told the Book Study Conductor that all the problem with everything lies "with the Jews and the niggers". Our black conductor chastised him for that comment publicly and then after the meeting reamed him in front of the Hall.

Grout

An elder warned us that he'd heard that the writing on the Pope's hat includes the number "666".

The husband of a sister walked out at that moment in disgust. Would that I could have followed him....

target

In the New Order Lions will eat straw. Yeah, right!

A sister once told me that in the New Order we will all be beautiful. Her reasoning was that we are to be happy and we can't do that if we are homely. (Wishful thinking on her part I am sure)

Target

Elsewhere

Someone told me that mosquitoes would no longer drink blood, but would instead drink sap from trees.

What Was the Most Unbelievable Thing You've Heard?

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