I Need Help Please!!! (page 2)

DJ

Hey CW,

It's me again. Please give us some more of your thoughts after reading the responses, ok?

blindfool

Dear CW,

Your story really touches my heart. You see, I'm a 40 year old man that married into a JW family 18+ years ago.

I'll tell you it has not been easy. My wife was not babtised when we married and this one fact makes a huge difference. Also, I think there is a difference between how I'm treated and how you would be treated, because you are female. Even though I'm not a JW, I am still recognized as the head of my household. I can get away with things you couldn't. Like when my oldest son was approached a few weeks ago about starting a bible study with an elder. I said no and because I'm respected as the head of my home, the issue was dropped. However, make no mistake, the elders will keep trying.

The man you feel in love with carries a lot of baggage. If he is babtised and he pursues a relationship with you, he could end up loosing any relationship he has with his JW family.

If you begin a bible study and it touches your heart and you really believe what the JW's teach, then maybe you'll want to become a JW. However, if you read sites like this or the books suggested by other posts, you will never become a witness and your relationship will be in big trouble.

My advice? Become more famliar with the teachings of the JW's. Do reseach on your own and find out what you believe. Make this decisoin seperate from the decision about marriage. Put your marriage off for at least a year and give yourself time to explore what you believe.

I will tell you, I pray every day, that my wife will open her eyes to truth about the JW's. I think being involved with the JW's has hurt her emotionally and I worry about her spirtually. I very much miss celebrating holidays and the season between Thanksgiving and Christmas really gets me down. I don't celebrate the holidays because it is easier to forget about it than it is to fight about it.

My marriage has been a blesing to me. I love my wife more than anything in the world. But, our marriage would be stronger, if we belived the same the same way about religion.

Guest 77

Can I say you got yourself in a pickle? Ok, here goes. I married a non-witness and in a Church at that. My wife was a non-Christian and she got the raw end of the deal marrying a witness. She would be in the best position to say to you, if you want a miserable life marry the dude. If you WANT to live a happy life, just politely say NO to the witness and be on your merry way. Don't run, just walk away into the sunset.

Guest 77

SYN

There's nothing I can add to the already excellent comments in this thread except this:

Why should religion mitigate love?

freedom96

Ditto to many of the already listed posts. What you need in a relationship is time to grow and know one another. This is a new relationship, and to have this whole witness deal thrown in, just creates a huge mess, bigger than you can imagine.

Just becoming a witness is not the same as switching other religions out there. To go from one church to another out there is nothing in comparison to the witnesses.

PurpleV

Hi

If you become a JW you can expect the following:

1. No more birthdays, Christmases, Easters, Halloweens, Thanksgivings. Period.

2. You can join OK, but try to get out if you change your mind? You will be marked and shunned by everyone JW, even the ones you thought were your friends.

3. All love is conditional there are strings attached.

4. If you raise a child to be a JW, that child will be absolutely miserable because of all the things they have to abstain from in school, in addition to the holidays I mentioned, joining clubs, playing sports, joining the band, etc., all "discouraged" (translate: forbidden).

5. You will be watched like a hawk, and if you dont put in enough hours every month going door to door peddling JW literature, if you miss too many meetings (5 hours PER WEEK), if your skirt is too short or sweater too low-cut, you will be reprimanded, and this can be a PUBLIC reprimand, too.

6. You are expected to forfeit your life, and that of your child, should either of you ever need a blood transfusion, you are expected to say NO even if it means you or your child will die.

7. You are not allowed to vote, serve in the military, salute the flag, or smoke,

8. Going door-to-door deserves another mention; it is an absolutely miserable activity knocking on peoples doors who are NOT glad to see you interrupt their Saturday morning, in all kinds of weather. This activity also costs you money; you are expected to pay for the stuff you sell and then turn in the profits, too plus gasoline and car repairs. You are also expected to schlep others around that dont have their own car. JWs believe they must do this in order to be saved.

RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SpannerintheWorks

Some good, relevant replies here. I can't understand why he has "popped the question" so soon. Especially as he must have known that problems were going to arise as you are not a witness. Surely he can't be that niave?

I know from first-hand experience that a witness/non-witness marriage can be a BIG PROBLEM.

Anyway, I hope that these replies have helped!

Please let us know how things go.

Spanner

Edited by - SpannerintheWorks on 21 October 2002 12:1:53

ugg

you think you are hurting now????????????????? multiply that by one
million times!!!! that will be your life with this man...we have NO
reason to lie here....it is the REALITY of what you are facing!!

you could have TRAUMA AND SCARS FOR THE REST OF YOU LIFE....this is NOT
joke...the emotional pain will be like nothing you could ever immagine..

please listen to the advice here...PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!! RUN,,AND
DON'T LOOK BACK.....

pettygrudger

(((CW02))) I really can't add anything other than ditto everything already covered, but all responses should be reread over & over again until you realize what he's asking of you.

Will you want to have children with this person & then never be able to say "happy birthday" or "merry christmas" to them (not counting all the other holidays).

Run

DJ

Why should religion mitigate love?

Syn,
Perhaps you should elaborate. This could be confusing to this girl. No one is saying that religion should mitigate love, in my opinion. (if that's what you mean)
The jw 'beliefs' are not just another religion as compared to most. I'm sure that you didn't mean to imply that a jw married to a non' jw has the same problems as........let's say a....Lutheran married to a Methodist??
I apologize if I misunderstood your intent. I saw your question as possibly harmful to CW in her state of mind. I know that if I was her and I read what you wrote at age 23...HA! That would have sent me running down the altar thinking that just because he is a JW is just a minor issue. I know that is not the case and I feel that Cw deserves the best advice in her situation. She obviously hasn't much experience with jw's...it's only been a month and a half!! That's nothing.
Syn...please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong because I would not want to misunderstand your meaning. Sorry for any confusion. love, Dj

I Need Help Please!!!

Share this