Shower like a Man

crownboy

Shower like a Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her your tackle making the 'woo' sound.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your dick in the mirror, scratch your balls and smell your fingers for one last whiff.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).

6. Wash your face.

7. Wash your armpits.

8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.

9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.

10. Wash your ass, leaving hair on the soap bar.

11. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).

12. Make a shampoo Mohawk on top of your head.

13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.

14. Pee (in the shower).

15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.

16. Partially dry off.

17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire dick size.

18. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.

19. Leave bathroom and fan light on.

20. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your girlfriend/wife, pull off the towel, grab your dick, go 'Yeah baby' and thrust your pelvis at her.

21. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take two minutes to get dressed.

Valis

Of all things...Dr. Bronner's Pure Castille Peppermint Soap is most important...it makes you tingly and demonized all over...eheheh.

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

LB

OK Dude, it isn't cool, you watching me while I shower. If pics show up on the net we're going to court.

santacruzchick

I LOVE Dr. Bronner's Pure Castille Peppermint Soap

SixofNine

And I love you, santacruzchick!

Especially right after you shower with Dr. Bonner's pure Castille Peppermint soap.

santacruzchick

butalbee

OAY boys, go take a COLD shower.

Solace

You forgot this part,

How to shower like a woman

Take off the fourteen layers of clothing you slept in because there was a distinct chill in the air at bedtime due to the temperature having dropped below 70 degrees.

Walk to the bathroom wearing a long robe and a towel on your head. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh immediately, ignore his juvenile turban jokes, and then rush to bathroom.

Turn on the hot water only and let run.

Look at your womanly figure in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.

Get in the shower, once you have found it through all that steam, and adjust the water to a temperature slightly below it's boiling point.

Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

Rinse.

Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

Rinse.

Wash your hair once more with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

Rinse.

Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.

Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.

Complain bitterly when you realize that your boyfriend/husband has once again been eating your Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes, as you must make sure that it has all come off).

Debate shaving armpits and legs and decide that you can't be bothered, and anyway, the hair helps keep you warm.

Slick hair back and pretend you're like Bo Derek in 10.

Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you get a rush of cold water.

Turn hot water on full and rinse off.

Dry with a towel the size of a small African country.

Check entire body for the remotest sign of a spot. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.

Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh immediately, ignore his juvenile turban jokes, and then rush to bedroom.

butalbee

lol@heaven. I like it.

Solace

Butalbee,

I actually saw this yesterday when Elsewhere sent me the link. It looks alot like something TJ would send tho. I found it interesting that Crown didnt post the female version. Maybe he didnt have it, maybe he didnt want to ruffle any feathers, or maybe he was just being a man and only found the male version amusing.

It is funny but I honestly dont know anyone who washes their hair three times. Do you?

Shower like a Man

Share this