Dating between JW and non-JW (page 2)

larc

Joshua, you are very fortunate and very wise. You took the time to do the research, and used your rational mind to make a decision in the face of some very strong emotions. I have seen many people come here with stories like yours, who would not listen to our very heart felt and extensive advise, only to get burned because they thought that love can conquere all. Well, love is wonderful, but it can't fix the disparity between a Witness and a "wordly" person.

butalbee

Well, love is wonderful, but it can't fix the disparity between a Witness and a "wordly" person.

Ain't that the truth.

mouthy

Joshua .Welcome to the board. I would like to say I think you were wise to give up your love.... I have a man in our support group- who fell in love with a JW ( she had been DF for getting pregnant)

she ran away to another State-so no one would know...There she met T.. he believed in Jesus -but wasnt sure of what religion he wanted to follow--( I dont believe in religion I have a relationship with Jesus) but they fell in love- & decided to search for truth together- ( she forgot to inform him she was a DF JW) so they married- he adopted the baby as his own.Came back to her home town- where her father was a respected elder ( all the family JWS)

He said after a few months back- she started to attend the Kingdom Hell again....He loves his wife very much-but there is continous hassles- as she badgers him to get in the "truth" ( which in fact is a lie" ) they had a child together- & the sad thing is His wife-& his real son are staunch JWS,his adopted son was raised as a JW ( By her) & is in to all kinds of trouble.stealing .smoking dope,

But he is not DF.. She warns her hubby.T.. Not to tell anyone........She drinks quite abit..(.too much)

Goes to the Christmas gatherings, gives her boys birthday gifts ( day before or after?)Not on the day! that is sinful....So THANK GOD You didnt swallow that lie----It is better to have loved & lost.

detective

What a sad and familiar story! Like so many others, I ended up here after befriending a JW. I spent an embarassingly long time ignoring the warning signals and trying to write off discouraging behaviors with my penchant for quasi-tolerance in religious areas.

Finally, after hearing one too many uncharacteristic comments from my JW friend, I started poking around on the internet. I was blown away by what I learned. I also started reading some books on cults, specifically on dealing with people who are in cults and decided that after quite a lengthy amount of time together that I would not forgive myself if I did not try to loosen the control of this group over my friend. I slipped things into conversation, I encouraged actual thought process, I encouraged questioning but without making specific reference to his group. I threw in information on other groups. I read a variety of Witness resources so that I could better understand the arguments I'd face. I argued online with active witnesses (before being unceremoniously dumped from a website or two!) I was armed with info and ready to go at a moment's notice. I walked carefully, inching along, hoping that I could raise just a few nagging doubts or capitalize on some existing ones without pushing my friend away. I really tried. But, I lost my friend.

Ummm, here's the unusual part...
then, after almost nine months, my friend came back to me saying he wanted out of the group. I knew he had been disfellowshipped during the interim and that he had kept up with meetings trying to get back in. So, it came as a bit of a shocker when he called me out of the blue to meet up with him.

He's still got major issues that need to be addressed. He still thinks it's his personal failings that make thr group wrong for him. It doesn't occur to him that the group itself could do anything wrong, per se. But he's been "out" physically for several months now. I know he still has a way to go in really setting himself free but I've decided not to push for the moment.

I love my friend. I love the person that he is. I didn't like the person he was when group-personality took over. You could see he had two distinct personalities working at the same time. Genuine and group personality. Frankly, he's a warm, non-judgemental person so affiliating with a group that considers those qualities something of a weakness would never be a good match for him.

I'm sorry for the pain you've felt. I can relate. Best of luck!

Jesika

Hey Josh, Welcome to the board.

Thank you for sharing your story, and I am sorry you got hurt in the process of learning the truth about JW's. I hope to see you posting more.

Jes

Joshua77

Hi again!

Thank you all for the support and your kind words and thoughts!

It really helps to read about the same kind of experiences that others have had. I know now that the decision that I made is a really the right one, but still... Its hard to let go completely you know.. But I'm sure that after I get over it I will be glad of the decision that I made, even if it hurts at first.

It is sad that you cant do what you like if the others in the organization dont approve it, in my case the girls parents and relatives are JW's, and after studying more about the religion I know how they feel about any outsiders (wordly people), If I am not one of them, then I quess I am against them in their view.. And if I dont convert then anything more then friendship is impossible, and I'm not sure that even a friendship is possible?

I REALLY hope that the experience that I had and which I told about will help someone in the future too. I dont want anybody to get hurt. If someone is in a situation as I was, then PLEASE, take a little time to find out about this cult for what it really is.

-Joshua

I hope you all the best in the future!

-Joshua

Dating between JW and non-JW

larc

butalbee

mouthy

detective

Jesika

Joshua77

LB

kelpie

Joshua77

Share this