Hi everyone. Ive been reading these posts and some on other websites for awhile now, trying to figure things out for myself. Im still a JW, a non-believing one if you will. I more or less grew up as a JW, my father was an alcoholic and my mother became a JW when I was a kid. I guess now I understand why she thrust this religion upon me, it conferred upon her some sort of status, even a chance to get out of the house. Alcoholism isolates people and their families and this was a legitimate way to meet people and do things. Neither of my parents had much education, so the JW teaching of education not being important (especially back in the 60s when she was baptized) probably sounded like heaven on earth to my mother. Anyway, sorry to bore you all. Ive had low self-esteem almost all my life, guilt, anxiety and of course was able to blame it on my upbringing in an alcoholic home. That was partly true. I realized just lately that the other reason was due to this religion. I used to special pioneer and even that didnt seem enough. I always figured that I probably wouldnt survive Armageddon but at least some of the people I helped bring into the truth would stand a chance. And of course Id always wonder why God was so petty, picky and harsh. After the Dateline program the walls started to crack. Then I (fearfully at first, I must admit) ventured onto these apostate web sites and found for the most part people like myself who have been hurt (or much worse in many cases) and struggling with many of the questions I have. Right now I dont have a clue whats right or wrong, or if there is any right or wrong. Many of the scales fell from my eyes after I read an e-book: God Lives in Brooklyn. It cleared up so many things for me. No more guilt! Ive read Pentons book (it was like a cloak and dagger experience) but not the Ray Franz books yet. I still go the meetings, although not every single one, mostly because my elderly mother is now living with me and once again, its practically her only diversion. When shes not feeling well I dont go. What helps is that Ive recently bought a house and changed congregations, so not too many people know us yet, and absences are less noticed. Ive rambled on for too long. I just wanted to thank everyone for being here.
One other thing then I promise Ill stop. A JW works in the office here and went to the annual meeting. The main talk was apparently on having absolute trust in the faithful and discreet slave. Could it be theyre becoming paranoid about not being able to control the access to information the internet has provided?