Ignore Dad, he is not doing enough??

by breeze 10 Replies latest jw experiences

  • breeze
    breeze

    unbelieving mates versus inactive mates...

    I could never figure out why the org told wives of inactive or brothers doing less, that they were to do their own thing and just not listen to their husbands?

    If they were married to a unbeliever the org said to listen to him unless it were a direct vilation of bible standards.

    I had many problems because of this position with my family and wife especially if they were in a "going to the hall mode", and I was not doing as much.

    It seems I heard many talks about this subject, was I just too sensitive?

    Does this make sense to anyone else? Did I just imagine this? Maybe I am just not worthy....my name isn't Wayne either? LOL....

    BREEZE

    Edited by - breeze on 7 November 2002 20:38:20

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  • minimus
    minimus

    Breeze, let's face it, you were viewed as dog do-do. Once you lose your enthusiasm for the Watchtower you are a marked person. If your own family gives you up, you're really considered a loser by the elders.Their way of "encouraging" the family is to make them feel it's us against them. Be loyal to Jah and forget about your mate. Perhaps you may even be able to shame him.....Sadly, this works on a lot of poor souls. Don't let anybody get you down!!!

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  • outnfree
    outnfree

    Breeze,

    All I can do is to validate the impression you had that wives of unbelieving mates were to follow the headship principle as far as was possible in order to "win their husbands without a word." However, that did not stop the brothers from encouraging sneakiness and obstinance when it came to doing anything the Organization proclaimed as "God's will."

    Don't know how the wives of inactive mates were to behave. Remember, however, that the headship role goes God, Christ, [FDS], [Society], man, woman, [child]. Even believing males of the R&F gener are pretty low on the totem pole. (Pagan reference used with only a small amount of cliched tongue in cheek. ) Wives of unbaptized sympathizers were subtly pushed to take the theocratic lead.

    out

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  • cruzanheart
    cruzanheart

    Yet again, the imposing of rules regarding inactive husbands is nothing but a load of crap. My husband, who for 14 years made sure I and then the children made it to every meeting we could, even though he himself had decided the Borg was an abusive lunatic asylum, was constantly looked down on. When I offered our home for book study (Big Tex works nights so he wouldn't even be there) I was told that our house wasn't good enough because I was married to a baptized male who was doing nothing in the Borg. The last elder's visit I had (the one where the elder prayed that we would be "readjusted" - ack!) he tried to condescendingly tell me that he knew how hard it was for me having to deal with a recalcitrant husband who opposed my going to meetings. I heatedly told him how wrong he was, and if I'd had any doubt about the wisdom of my decision to leave, that pretty much sealed it. The arrogance of these little tin gods is absolutely incredible. I do believe they're surpassing the Pharisees.

    Nina

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  • BluesBrother
    BluesBrother

    If she is married to an unbeliever , then there is hope that she will win him to the "Truth" by her "Quiet and mild spirit"

    If she is married to an unbeliever who opposes or even strikes her , she gets bucketloads of sympathy and support as a "Spiritual widow"

    If she is married to man who is inactive, or worst of all "apostate"- then he is a real no hoper fit only for buzzard food. She has to make it on her own.

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  • refiners fire
    refiners fire

    An unbelieving mate is not as dangerous to the cults mind control as an inactive mate.

    The unbeliever knows nothing of their beliefs and methods. And he knows nothing of apostacy. But the inactive mate might be slipping into apostacy, having known the truth, why has he turned away from it? He is more dangerous in the cults assessment. Just a thought. As well, guilt manipulation is recommended as being used on the inactive mate.

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  • Navigator
    Navigator

    Refiner

    This unbelieving mate knows a great deal about their beliefs and methods. They stink! However, my wife is an educated woman who chooses to ignore the evidence. It is her right to do so. I think they have given up on getting me in. However, I do contribute out of my resources to their organization out of respect for my wife and the contribution she makes to our life. I also gave them $4000 when they built their new Kingdom Hall. Do you suppose thats why they go out of their way to be nice to me.?

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  • Brummie
    Brummie

    Unbelieving mate...is a term used to distance children from their natural parents and get them trusting more in "Mother" org as the grow in to adult life.

    "Unbelieving" is a derogatory term and has worked to break the natural bond of family ties! In the Watchtower he's not reffered to as dad but as "moms unbelieving mate" or vice versa

    Brummie

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  • SixofNine
    SixofNine

    Navigator said:

    Do you suppose thats why they go out of their way to be nice to me.?

    I think that is 4000% of the reason.

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  • outoftheorg
    outoftheorg

    Ignore dad huh.

    When I began to doubt and drift away from the borg, my wife went to the elders for help. She was told several times "to go on without him". That to me was a clear buzzword or subliminal suggestion to divorce me. Then she would be without me. It was not long before she told me that she would not turn to me for advice any more but would ask the elders. This meant that in All things the elders would be consulted, not me.

    In a time span of about 2 years This way of thinking was ratcheted up to the point of her displaying a hateful attitude toward me. By this I mean an unresonable anger and hate towards the only person that ever cared for her and took care of her. This would include her mother father and siblings. None of them ever showed any love or care for her in any true way by actions. Instead they abandoned her, set her up for rape, and incested her. This ended in a very bitter divorce.

    In my opinion, they orchestrated and caused this divorce since all the complaints from my wife, in one way or another all involved the wbts teachings and beliefs.

    There were no scriptural "wbts" reasons for divorce. The elders pushed this to the point that I confronted them and almost attacked them physicaly. They then used the "you have fits of rage" thing as a reason to df me.

    What a kind loving organization the wbts is.

    Outftheorg

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