Arranged Marriages by Jehovahs Witnesses

Atlantis

A reporter did a story on arranged marriages in Canada. Lady Lee's story is at the top

http://www.macleans.ca/news/canada/against-their-will/

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Atlantis!

cofty

I find it hard to accept that the appalling way Lady Lee was manipulated by her mother was a result of being a JW.

Arranged marriages are not a feature of the cult.

Simon

That is a strange piece to read. It's nothing like the Watchtower / Jehovahs Witness religion I experienced or ever heard of.

There are of course always 'encouraged' marriages in any group and likely will be as long as there are parents but 'arranged' marriages is a new accusation to make against the WTS in my opinion and possibly a difficult one to make - have they ever taught such a thing? I know there is "marry only in the lord" but that is not the same thing.

It appears to me to be more a case of bad parents and spouse who happened to be JWs more than something that the Watchtower promotes as part of the faith which means it will probably be an easy piece for pro-JWs to critique.

Amazing that some so against the idea of arranged marriage and women being forced to marry against their will would object so much to criticism of others religions where such things are a far more common occurrence (including forced + under-age) and where girls often face the threat of death if they object to it.

prologos

it's an old story, the Shulamite maiden pleaded with the "Daughters of Jerusalem", her peers, not to rush her, into joining the Harem of the "price catch Solomon" --particularly since song 8:8* was a telling description of her.

Canada's legal age for marriage will be 16? what is it now, 12?

* describing a pre-pubescent.

Simon

Canada's legal age for marriage will be 16? what is it now, 12?

No, it's pretty much a copy of the UK system - 18+ you can chose yourself, 16-18 needs parents permission, under 16 requires court consent (I presume they only allow exceptional circumstances, timing issues close to birthdates etc...)

insidetheKH

Never heard of something... this is just another Media Hype & painting black

rebel8

My arranged marriage (attempted)

I experienced a huge amount of pressure to marry someone selected by my jw parent and so did others. As to being forced, I don't know. But Lee mentions she feared physical abuse if she refused, because her mom was abusive. Mine was too but didn't threaten abuse if I didn't comply, just pushed me very very hard.

You can see in the above-linked thread that others did have this experience.

You're right, it is not part of their teachings to arrange marriages. However, other things enabling it exist in that cult(ure). Let's compare dubs to this list:

The UK's Forced Marriage Unit (FMU) have outlined the following reasons why people coerce others into matrimony:

To control unwanted behaviour and sexuality, and prevent ‘unsuitable’ relationships, i.e. with people outside their ethnic, cultural, caste or religious group yep, for me it was to keep me in dubbery
To protect perceived cultural or religious ideals obviously yes
Family ‘honour’ or long-standing family commitments yes, reputation = social standing in dubland
Peer group or family pressure yes this does exist in some jw social circles and obviously their cult(ure) encourages pressuring others to comply with the behavior du jour
To ensure land, property and wealth remain in the family probably not much of an issue in dubland
To strengthen family links yes again, a marriage between 2 families strengthens social standing in dubland--i was from a ubm family so if I had married into an MS or higher family, my family's station would have been elevated
To assist claims for residence and citizenship i've heard this does exist in dubland but i don't personally know
To provide a carer for a disabled family member / reduce the ‘stigma’ of disability meh i don't know

Simon

You're right, it is not part of their teachings to arrange marriages.

If a JW happens to do something or more that 'someone doing something happens to be a JW' it doesn't mean that the WTS is to blame for it unless they command or ever actively promote such things.

To control unwanted behaviour and sexuality, and prevent ‘unsuitable’ relationships, i.e. with people outside their ethnic, cultural, caste or religious group

This would seem to be the most common reason for 'encouragement' to marry among JW's. It's probably also likely the most common among most other groups too whether religious or not. People want their kids to marry people they approve of and approval often means "same tribe as me".

JWdaughter

Didn't a male on this forum recently relate a story about how when his sexual encounter with his fiance was found out bythe elders that their only choice was tomarry quickly in vegas or something? It was that or disgrace/DFing? It seems the wife was devastated and it ruined their marriage before it began (though I guess it is arguable that she would have been a cold fish anyway, they will never know, she lost her options).

That would be a forced marriage then, right?

I don't object to arranged marriages where there is a choice. I do object to anyone being forced to go through with it. Unfortunately, there are too manyfamilies that don't even see these kind of arrangements as being "forced" even though many have married just to please family expectations when their parents would never THINK of "forcing" them to do so.

Simon

I'm not sure - at what point are things really 'forced' compared to encouraged even if it seems pressured? How much of that pressure is self-applied vs external?

There are consequences to actions - if we're in a group with certain set of rules and we break them or we chose some course of action to skate round them, are we really forced or do we force ourselves based on the beliefs we've chosen to adopt?

Tough to say. I'm sure many "worldly" people have stories of family pressure when it comes to people their families did or didn't want to marry.

Arranged Marriages by Jehovahs Witnesses

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