given a roasting for our daughters behaviour!

by Bosho 18 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  Bosho

  I'm not sure if I'm posting in the correct section but I had to put this somewhere just to let off some steam.

  I have a beautiful little girl, she's just two and a half but she's tall, so she looks more like a four year old. We live in a flat and have no access to a garden, the lady who lives underneath us is a nightworker, so we have to try and keep the noise down through the day. Which means that my poor daughter doesn't get the chance to run off steam. We take her out to th epark etc but it's not the same...

  Anyway, when she gets to the hall she gets really excited to see the other children, and she wants to play with them. Running around, screaming... we try very hard to keep her calm, while accepting that she isn't going to sit like a mummy.

  On Tuesday night, (It's our C.O. visit) she gave a very short scream after the meeting when one of the other children pushed her away. One of the elders told my husband to "try to stop her screaming as she encourages the others to misbehave as well, and he couldn't hear himself think when she screams.". I was livid and told him that she only screamed because she was just a normal little girl who gets very excited and that we do try to stop her. His daughter waded into the fray ( she has two boys who frankly, are terrifed of breathing without permission) and told me I wasn't disciplinign her right and that I had to discipline her if she ran around as she could knock someone over.

  I told her that I refuse to smack my girl for talking, or screaming, or running (all things which are perfectly normal in children that don't have to sit and be bored for two hours!) and she told me that I had to do it.

  Bloody cheek! (excuse my french) I am so annoyed, she really upset me and my husband and as my girl was with us she heard them and saw me getting upset. She's just getting the hang of toilet training and she's quite sensitive to other peoples feelings (for example she cried when she saw Christopher Robin nailing Eeyore's tail back on!) and it really upset her, she had nightmares that night and she's set back in toilet training now, we had several accidents and she even asked to go back in nappies.

  What has really annoyed me is that they were acting as if we let her run riot. We do try to keep her fairly quiet and not to run (I would hate to see some of the older sisters go flying). We try very hard, but obviously it's not enough, by their book anyway!

  It makes me so annoyed that they think they can tell us what to do with our children. This particular elder even confronted my mother asking her if we didn't discipline her at home. My mother, bless her, told him exactly whats what, to which he replied "Ah yes, but does their yes mean yes and their no mean no! My daughter is blah blah blah!"

  I refused to go last night as I couldn't face that self-righteous @&$&@ and her two spotless children (Who I actually feel very sorry for as they don't have much of a life) and I'm of the opinion that children under seven should be in bed by seven thirty any way! I hate bringing her home gone nine and then having to deal with her because she's overwrought. GRRRRR!

  Okay, I'm sorry for blasting off at everyone... needed the release. The only reason I keep going is to keep the peace and not to break my mother's heart... but it gets harder!
• 

  NameWithheld

  This is a good place to vent!

  Don't you know that to be a good little JW you must beat the children? And children better not get the impression that 'fun' is OK, because god doesn't want JWs to have 'fun' anyway. Apparently all the 'fun' is waiting for the new world (or course, there will be all that cleaning of the dead bodies before the 'fun' can start)

  I think they learnd child disipline from the Catholics.
• 

  IslandWoman

  Hi Bosho,

  Does your little girl go running down the aisles of the KH often? In other words, are you constantly having to run after her?

  IW
• 

  Bosho

  IslandWoman: Well.... to be honest.... yes and no. If we go after her she thinks we're playing chase and goes even faster... so I tend to wait for her to pass me and then I'll caught her arm and say "Walk! Don't run!" adn ignore the blank look I get sent in return... or else i'll send the "look" her way. But neither work!

  Any sugestions?

  NameWithheld: You're quite correct! Fun is not an option. Even in their "so called" get-togethers which happen once in a blue moon, it's a controlled affair. I don't go any more! With our cong. your either in or your out and we're very much out!
• 

  bittersweet

  boy,reading this post made me soooo mad!

  I always hated it when people would try to tell me how to discipline my 3 boys when I used to go to meetings.How can anyone expect such a young child to be perfect?And how on earth is a 2 1/2 year old going to encourage other children to misbehave?

  You did the right thing to speak up for daughter and to not listen to their bullshit(pardon my french).Your daughter will be better off for it,let me tell you.And she won't grow up like the two little boys you mentioned....afraid to move a muscle for fear of getting in trouble.

  You keep up the good work...you are doing a great job,and you know your daughter better than any of those idiots.So hold your head high,and let your daughter be herself!
• 

  Scully

  Hi Bosho

  Fifteen years ago, I might have written the exact same post as you have. Meetings are not designed with children in mind, are they? I was "scolded" by an elder for bringing a dolly and blanket for my children when they were little - and the alternative was that they were boistrous and unable to pay attention at meetings. It was hard on the children, it was hard on my husband and me, and it was hard on everyone else around us.

  The only reason, it seemed, that the elders' children were "well behaved" was because they were well aware that if they didn't it meant a trip out to the parking lot for a beating. What a wonderful way to teach children about a "loving" God.....

  Love, Scully
• 

  Bosho

  bittersweet: thank you so much!

  That was so encouraging! That's what I should be hearing at meetings not the opposite! Tells a tale really doesn't it!

  Scully: Thanks! I used to just take the bible stories for her, but now I take all sorts of books and crayons etc. I won't let her have any watchtowers etc... she picked up the one that had the person badly injured on the inside front cover and it upset her.... hardly protecting our children!

  This may also seem trivial, but I think the bible stories book is bit much for children that young... they get to see a man who's been clubbed to death, a woman clinging to a rock with her baby screaming with a horrible death imminent. another man robbing people and that's all in the first section. Not to mention Jesus on a stake which really freaked her out! We took the book away! I won't let her watch anything on telly etc Cbeebees, she doesn't even see adverts. She's seen worse things in the society's literature. I really think they need to update on the way they treat and educate children.

  Edited by - bosho on 8 November 2002 16:32:43
• 

  outnfree

  Bosho,

  I completely understand your RIGHTEOUS indignation!!! I've run into several sisters (fewer brothers, but some of them, too) who think they have every right to tell other grown-ups how to raise their children. I'll tell you a story:

  One winter night, the book study was switched from its usual venue to another couple's house. My best friend and I attended the same meeting that night (she usually attended a different study) and so did another young sister who has no tact and less manners. The young sister had a two year old child who was quite hefty. My best friend has had THREE back surgeries and suffers from chronic pain and this young sister is well aware of that. They were sitting beside one another on the couch and the child was crawling over them from one end to the other and her mother was ignoring it. Finally, my friend picked up the baby and took her upstairs to have somewhere to move where she wouldn't distract everyone. After a while, my friend brought the child back down and sat with her at the foot of the stairs. The child wanted Mommy, but Mommy wasn't making a move towards her. My friend now had a wriggling two year old throwing her weight around (if you've ever had a wrenched back, you know how this would hurt!). I must've been looking daggers at the mum, because when the study was ending, the conductor offered prayer and looked right at me when praying for us "to have affection for our brothers and sisters, who are imperfect, as are we..." or something similar. I had NEVER had a brother correct me (or anyone else!) during public prayer! LOL However, I was not chastened as I told my friend as we trudged through the snow to our cars that it would be my luck to have to give my life to protect THAT SISTER during the Great Tribulation and that I would likely fail, utterly!

  That same sister has made one of my daughters kneel in the foyer of the Kingdom Hall to see whether her skirt was long enough (I wasn't there, but my same best friend got steamed and told her it was NOT her place to discipline my child in such a public and humiliating manner when, obviously I thought her skirt length was okay).

  Yeah, and that same sister now has TWO children who run all over the Kingdom Hall and expects EVERYONE ELSE to help her out because her husband is now inactive. Well, I had three in five years and, while they were not perfect nor perfectly quiet (my son wriggled and ran, naturally -- two hour meetings are LONG!!!!), I never ASSumed that the Friends needed to help me with them! My husband was never a JW.

  So, it seems SOME PEOPLE just have to put their two cents in where it isn't needed nor welcome. I'd tell you to pray for patience, but then God might send more tests of patience your way!

  (((((((Bosho))))))))

  outnfree
• 

  IslandWoman

  Bosho,

  I raised 3 children while going to meetings and I know it can be difficult. But you know, kids are bright and they can learn when it is acceptable to run and when it isn't.

  For instance, when you are at the mall or the supermarket do you allow her to run about? When you visit the zoo or the library does she run about?

  Even at two and a half she is bright enough to know what you will allow and what you will not allow. With my children if they ran about in circumstances where it would be dangerous or not permitted they would be required to remain at my side. This was for their own safety as well as my own peace of mind.

  You might be surprised to see how fast our little ones learn that "walking" about is so much more preferred to "standing" with Mom!

  Of course, it goes without saying that she does need her time to play and run. Playgrounds, parks etc. are great kids places and great places for "kids" of all ages to play and run. I myself still frequent them!

  IW
• 

  LyinEyes

  Oh this makes me fuming mad. Brings back the memories of when my 9 yr old daughter was that age. She was so hyper and screamed and laughed , ran around like crazy. She had many allergies and was also dianosed as ADDH. She is a smart child and know at the age of 9 is so much better. I never thought she would calm down but she did.

  Don't let those self righteous people tell you how to raise your daughter. I was told the same things and it didnt help. I was not about to beat her , I just stayed home with her if I could and if not we stayed out side the Hall quiet a bit. In time she was more behaved, but the brother, none of whom had any children, didnt understand why she couldnt sit still.

  I gathered up alot of information on ADDH and even the Awake had an article on it. I presented this to them and told them of many things the doctors said. I had a had labor with her and when she was delivered her cord was wrapped around her neck 3 times. So every time I had a contraction it cut her air supply off. Since i wouldnt have a c-section because of the blood issue(my blood wouldnt clot) I had to just wait it out and have her the regular way. She was born 8 lbs 2 oz , quite a large baby for me. She was under so much distresss she had a fever when she was born and had to be watched . The doctors explanined to me that although she was very normal in intelligence, she might have the ADDH because of lack of oxygen to the brain during deliviery. Somehow the lack of oxygen disrupts the area of the brain that controls self control.......hence the behavioral problems.

  After telling these brothers this,,,,, they did lay off. I just did what I had to do to keepher as quiet as I could , but most of the time I was walking outside or in the bathroom.

  My third son was born a premmie and also had lack of oxygen and fought chronic lung diesese, pnehmonia, 5 times before he was 3 weeks old......long story on him. We are lucky he is alive. So he also presented some behavioral problems,,,,,, still does and he is 8 now.

  By this time I was exhausted and was not about to take any of their non experience advice. So they left us alone.

  Just give your daughter time , she may learn to settle down in time. Mine did. The boy.....lol is another story. I always took pen and paper to the hall and let her draw the whole time. I didnt care what anyone said. That helped alot. She had her own little bookbag with the colored pencils and plenty of her favorite paper and it made her look forward to sitting there drawing..I wouldn t let her start drawing until after the song and prayer so she would be excited to start.

  You sound like a wonderful careing mother and don't worry what they say,,,,,,, do what you fee is in the best interest of your little girl. Things will get easier,,,,,,, Ihave been there and thought I would go crazy , especially at the ignorance of our elders. I wanted to tell them to kiss off so many times.