I edited this for a wording error. Also, this co-worker's initial is given here as "B." Reason being to make it clear who I refer to at the end of this post.
Matty--All the reasons I mentioned, like chivalric motives, a crush, and so on, I'm willing to consider. That's the reason I posted this and mentioned it to the therapist...a safeguard against me acting on my own flawed thinking, if that's what it is. By "flawed" I mean am I overlooking things, rationalizing, are there errors in logic, and so on.
Yeah I'm married, but I'm not looking for an affair. And if she asks I'll tell her I am married. If I have to gamble my marriage should I see she is being abused, I'll do it. My wife knows I'm unhappy here anyway. Part of the reason I'm willing to gamble this is explained in my reply to LB below.
DakotaRed--To be honest, I don't know she drinks from seeing it personally. If she does I am concerned it could be a crutch.
LB--I couldn't stop the abuse I went through. But if she is, and maybe her son, or he's at least seeing it, it's going to affect both of them...especially him...later on. Then it becomes my problem and everyone else's through social service agencies, police, and the courts. There's wisdom in the saying about an ounce of prevention being worth a pound of cure. Is this motive self-serving, an excuse? May be. I still see some merit in it.
Dantheman--I very rarely think about her sexually. It's usually in a romantic sense. As far as getting my mind off of her--would that it was that easy! I can't turn my emotions on and off like a light switch.
Joannadandy--Yes, all this is speculation. Is the person telling me this trying to play matchmaker, showing her a way out, or some sick game? Unknown. But I'm on my guard.
Sixofnine--If I were that good a writer, my first book would already be on store shelves instead of my computer's hard drive!
Robdar--I know, she'd have to save herself. Maybe I figure one reason she might hesitate is wondering what's out there as far as a replacement--financially, emotionally, etc. As Matty said, love is a strange emotion. But women can be held economically in a bad relationship too.
Several people have given their opinion that this is a crush. How long do crushes last? I've been attracted to her for almost four years. And the last job I had, a woman there appealed to me probably just as strongly. Still does. And I haven't seen her in seven years! Is that a crush? Also, no one's commented on my question about crushes being based on an idealized view of the other person. With "S" from the previous job, I knew she had a temper, wasn't the best housekeeper, had had an affair (one night stand, anyway), and yet...hardly the type who needed protection. So why did I feel a strong emotional desire for her? Sympathy because her marriage was described as dead emotionally? Because her daughter was almost killed in a car wreck? Because she was "caught in a closet" with a member of the maintenance staff and pretty well fired on the spot? I cynically assumed if she put out for one she would for me?
I don't expect anyone to say they can definitely answer those questions. I raise them to point out that "S" wasn't in an abusive relationship (unless emotionally?) as far as I know.
I must have good taste in women...for a while, someone was sending "B" flowers at work. No, that doesn't make my acions right, but apparently someone agrees with me about her appeal.
Edited by - Kingpawn on 9 November 2002 18:53:29
