Online romances ruiner?

Kingpawn

Minimus posted a thread lately asking for questions you'd like to see answered:

jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.aspx?id=39972&site=3

Prisca asked how many online romances there were here.

I got to thinking about that at work, among other things (see previous thread). And besides the "slim pickings" mentioned by a poster in another thread, another potential problem came to mind.

We can probably divide ourselves into two groups here: the "ex-jw's' and the "never-jw's." Someone else once said that as a "never-jw" they couldn't relate to the pain ex-jw's feel over being df'ed/da'ed/shunned.

A third group could be those like me who are an "ex" but who were in for so short a time that for all practical purposes we're more a "never." This leads to a nightmare scenario where a scoring system has to be developed for gauging how close to "ex" a "never" is regarding how much emotional baggage they retained from their time with the WBTS so you can tell if a "never" and an "ex" are compatible.

Seriously, how much of a problem might that cause in a relationship?

jackfrost

but there is another group also the disfellowshiped ones as myself which has been out; for 6 months but have no life in or out

I want to go back to be a jw but not alone as i would be as my marriage is gone and being on a small island there are not many jw wemen around so where do u turn too ????

pettygrudger

For both of you - what degree of abuse you suffered by the WBTS should have very little to do with your choice of mates. My hubby has never been affiliated with any religion, yet he has helped me overcome much.

The best thing to do, whether on line or in the real world, is to find OTHER interest, and join clubs accordingly. This particular board is good for JW issues, and maybe romance has sprung from them, but the chances of this happening are rare.

Any relationship built on JUST WBTS issues is not very healthy imho. Nor is marrying a person because she was "the best" you could do within the JW's jackfrost.

Get out and live - find a way - there in is where you will find your mate.

Kingpawn

I am married!

The point I was trying to make is to ask how much the "never's" inability to relate to the "ex-jw's" pain from being rejected by the WBTS would be an irritant in the relationship if one person from each group began one.

I was df'ed too jackfrost, but since I was the only family member in it, knew next to nobody in the KH, and wasn't on super-mushy terms with those I did know, being kicked out was like water off a duck's back to me.

Prisca

Wow, I inspired a thread... cool

Personally, I think it depends on how much of an open mind both parties in a relationship have.

Although I feel I have more in common with an ex-jw than a never-jw, I would hope that either way the relationship would be based on much more deeper things than jw experience.

Maybe if I was with a never-jw, he might not be able to relate to the pain of being shunned; on the other hand, he might have the resources that I don't have to help me get over that pain and move on.

ozziepost

Wow, I inspired a thread... cool

Not for the first time, Pris!!!!!!!!!!!! ..

Ozzie

czarofmischief

Well,

I prefer up close and personal contact anyway. and I'm engaged. So online romances are out of the question. Besides, if you are looking for love, there are plenty of websites devoted to that purpose. What I am looking for is the common bond between minds that similar experiences can produce.

CZAR

Kingpawn

I could have worded it better, but...

Although I feel I have more in common with an ex-jw than a never-jw, I would hope that either way the relationship would be based on much more deeper things than jw experience.

Maybe if I was with a never-jw, he might not be able to relate to the pain of being shunned; on the other hand, he might have the resources that I don't have to help me get over that pain and move on.

What I was trying to say was, if an "ex" and a "never" tried to make a relationship work, would that inability of the "never" to not totally relate to the "ex's" past pain doom an ordinarily workable romance?

You're probably right in that the willingness to start fresh each person has will be a big factor. Then too, maybe whether the person was da'ed, df'ed, or fa (faded away) might have a bearing on it, if they aren't open-minded about it. Sort of like a divorce...if it was bitter wouldn't a person be more reluctant to remarry?

onacruse

Without a doubt, one of the very important factors in my developing a relationship with bikerchic was our common "heritage" as ex-JWs. I seriously doubt that I would have found the emotional and intellectual compatability that we share if it wasn't for the fact that we've both had so many similar experiences in and out of the borg. Indeed, while we have individually resolved the more cancerous issues of our JW past, there still remains a lot of social readjustment that we are exploring together and reconciling on a daily basis. I can't imagine how my heart would have been open to share this journey with someone who otherwise would "know" so little about the path that got me to this point.

Our love is founded on many many other deep and enduring bonds, but our mutual ex-JW factor was and will, with diminishing force, always be a part of how we met, why we were attracted, and what we do together in healing and living.

Craig

COMF

Here's a thread on this same topic from a year ago.

Ex-JWs Make Better Lovers?

Online romances ruiner?

Share this