It was the Questions from Readers in 12/15/2001 Watchtower.
WT 12/15/2001
Questions from Readers
How can a Christian wife balance loyalty to God with submission to her
unbelieving husband if he shares in religious holiday activities?
Her doing so will require wisdom and tact. But she is doing the right thing in
striving to balance her two obligations. Jesus gave counsel about a parallel
situation: "Pay back, therefore, Caesar's things to Caesar, but God's things to
God." (Matthew 22:21) Granted, he was dealing with obligations to governments,
to which Christians were later told to be in submission. (Romans 13:1) Yet, his
counsel finds a parallel in a wife's balancing her obligation to her husband,
even if he is an unbeliever.
No one familiar with the Bible would deny that it stresses that a Christian's
first obligation is to Almighty God, to be loyal to him at all times. (Acts
5:29) Still, in many situations a true worshiper can accommodate the requests
or demands of an unbeliever in authority while not sharing in a violation of
God's elevated laws.
We find an instructive example in the three Hebrews, as related in Daniel
chapter 3. Their governmental superior, Nebuchadnezzar, decreed that they and
others present themselves on the plain of Dura. Realizing that false worship
was scheduled, the three Hebrews would likely have preferred to avoid being
there. Perhaps Daniel was able to excuse himself, but these three could not.
So they complied to the extent of appearing, but they would not - and did not -
share in any wrong act. --Daniel 3:1-18.
Similarly, around holiday times an unbelieving husband might request or demand
that his Christian wife do something she would like to avoid. Consider some
examples: He tells her to cook a certain food on the day he and others will
celebrate a holiday. Or he demands that the family (including the wife) visit
his relatives on that day for a meal or simply as a social call. Or even prior
to the holiday, he might say that while his wife is out shopping, she must make
some purchases for him - foods unique to the holiday, items to use as presents,
or wrapping paper and cards to use with his gifts.
Again, the Christian wife ought to be determined not to share in false
religious acts, but what about such requests? He is the family head, and God's
Word says: "You wives, continue in subjection to your husbands, as it is
becoming in the Lord." (Colossians 3:18) In these cases, can she show wifely
subjection while being loyal to God? She must decide how to balance obedience
to her husband with her overriding obedience to Jehovah.
At other times, her husband may ask her to cook a certain food, whether it is
because it is his favorite or because he is used to having that meal in a
particular season. She will desire to show love for him and recognition of his
headship. Could she do so even if he made the request on the occasion of a
holiday? Some Christian wives might be able to do so with a good conscience,
simply considering it as a normal task of preparing the daily meal. Certainly
no loyal Christian would attach any holiday significance to it, even if her
husband did. Similarly, he might require her to be with him when he visits his
relatives at various times each month or year. Could she do so even if it was
the day of a holiday? Or would she normally be willing to purchase things at
his request, without judging what *he* intends to do with the items she buys
for him while doing her shopping?
Of course, the Christian wife should think of others - the effect on them.
(Philippians 2:4) She sould like to avoid giving any impression that she is
linked to the holiday, just as the three Hebrews may likely have preferred that
others not see them travelling to the plain of Dura. So she might tactfully
try to reason with her husband to see if, out of consideration for her
feelings, he might do certain holiday-related things for himself to accommodate
a wife who loves and respects him. He might see the wisdom of not putting both
of them in a potentially embarrassing situation if she would have to refuse to
engage in false religious acts. Yes, calm discussion beforehand might lead to a
peaceful solution. - Provers 22:3.
In the final analysis, the faithful Christian wife must weigh the facts and
then decide what to do. Obedience to God must come first, as it did with the
three Hebrews. (1 Corinthians 10:31) But with that in mind, the individual
Christian has to decide what noncompromising things can be done at the request
of one having authority in the family or in the community.
Edited by - Scully on 10 November 2002 11:1:6