by Mulan 21 Replies latest jw friends
I would answer according to why they were asking. If they are JWs themselves with doubts, I would calmly tell them a little at a time and direct them to read the books you listed. If they are staunch JWs themselves and are seeking answers to why you no longer attend, I would tell them nothing. if they are wanting to become JWs, I would tie them up and beat some sense in their heads, LOL.
Seriously, it does matter on why they wish to know as to how you should formulate an answer, I think.
Lew W
Mulan, I'd have to echo Scully pretty much on this one.......
It would depend on what I sense their motives to be, first and foremost, that would dictate what I divulge.If they could be there to gather information that would in turn be used against you by snitching to the local elders, I wouldn't say anything that might incriminate myself.
If they were sincere, and expressing their own doubts, I would let them lead the conversation and allow their own disclosures to dictate how much to disclose.
Well put Scully.
Just tell the truth. Tell the whole truth.
Your experinces without fear of betraying anyone.
Silence of past member is a cults greatest weapon. The next generation will have to go through all that you have. Maybe more. You are dening others the wisdom of your mistakes. If you do not speak out then you are still in a way helping to spread the message of the cult. Because people only hear one side of the story.
I can sum it all up in one sentence. "The Jehovah Witnesses are evil."
When someone says "I work with one of them and they see, fine." My response is "That is because they see you as prey." Also, "If you are not a club member you are just cannon fodder for their pipedream of the total aniolation of all of mankind, (Accept them of course)."
If you say nothing that is not palitable regarding them then you do not see their dark side, and, I do not recommend seeing the dark side. It is not pretty. It is dark and evil.
Like the "borg" in "star trek" if they do not see you as a threat they will ignore you. (For now)
"Jehovah Witnesses are the sowers of salt in the garden of faith."
Great comments everyone. I've talked about this with a few people, and the opinions vary. Some feel you shouldn't say too much, because if you "take it all away" they have nothing. I am unsure about how I feel. I haven't had to do it for a long time, so wondered what I would do if confronted again some day.
SLOAN, thank you for your comments too. Good advice. I value everyone's input.
I should have qualified this, that the person coming to you is a witness, who is doubting.
Edited by - mulan on 10 November 2002 22:19:35
I'd never tell them that I was no longer a "believer" at all. The reason is, they may still well be a believer and it is not my place to try to destroy a faith that they find comfort in....that is, if they do. If they don't, they'd say so.
I'd ask open ended questions so that they do a lot of the talking. but mostly I would do as most here, tell them why I left...leaving as much emotion out of it as I can. If I were to say too much, it could make them back off and someone thinking about leaving the JWs are timid enough...one must be careful so that they can do it.
If a family member or another person comes to see you, because they know you know something about JW's, how much should you tell them?
Hi Mulan
What kinda family member or friend are we talking about? A JW? Or an interested in JW person?
Whenever anyone asks me my opinion I usually give it to them. LOL But sometimes it isn't the wisest thing to do.
If you just bash JWs then it makes you look bad. It doesn't really matter if you have a valid bash or not. But if you just point out a few things casually and give them reference material that is as objective as possible then your own credibility is left in tact as someone that will be honest and unbiased. Sometimes there is a lot more value in not sharing your personal feelings too much about a subject.
JMO. plum
I should have qualified this, that the person coming to you is a witness, who is doubting.aw missed that last part. But my response is the same.
Edited by - plmkrzy on 10 November 2002 23:24:29
Mulan,
I'm sorry, that changes everything.
What do I say to a JW that has doubts;
I had that experience this year with a young woman (jw) who left her husband. She did not divorce him she moved out. No money no job not even her belonings. Everyone turned on her. I didn't. I gave her a little money some work and told her that if she needed some place to stay then she could stay with us as long as she needed.
She asked me why I am doing this; she wanted to know why? What do I want? All I asked in return is that someday when all of this gets worked out; On that someday then you will be where I am now. You will have the option of helping someone in a situation that is just like yours right now. You can help or hurt. Please choose to help. It is better. Remember how you feel right now.
That was it. I never told her to leave or stay. And, I don't know what is the case now. I assume that she is still in it. When I chose to take a stand...I have not even seen JW since. (And I don't mind at all)
There is little that one can say to a person on the fence. (My take) I believe that people free themselves. Steven Hassen says that almost anyone who goes through his program will leave. How can anyone read COC and stay or have any respect for it?
If we were all educated about "black propaganda" all of this would be much easier. I have become quite blunt about all of this Mulan because people are dying and lives are being ruined every day. For me the issues over the Jehovah Witnesses is more than a bitch session. Some people want to be better than they are as a JW or an EXJW. I support them. For people who don't want to be better, who can't believe that things could be good without or outside the WT, the ones that just bitch the need to stagnate and run in a circle to nausia. I move on.
One thing I do ask people who are in need is "How can I help you?" and "What do you need?" Sometimes that makes it easy.
Hi Mulan,
I would suggest that you tell the wavering JW that you are not seeking anyone to follow YOU, per se, and so instead of "telling all you know" what you will do is give them "homework assignments."
You might begin with instructions for them to look up things in their own Bible, then expand that to an examination of the WTS older publications, then CoC, etc. This graduated approach would permit them to move at their own pace and also to OWN their own conclusions much more than they would if you simply told them everything that it has taken you (and US, as a community) years to learn.
You will be "teaching them to fish" rather than feeding them a Burger King Filet o' Fish sandwich.
If a doubter comes to an inactive Witness for advice, and you think he's sincere, then I would slowly but surely give answers to the questions.Too much in the beginning can be scary and overwhelming.
Totally depends on what they are asking, what they want to hear, do they want facts or personal experience...I couldn't really decided. I think I would probably tell them what I had to say, and say it's just my opinion. I think being too negative can have just as bad an effect.
