Barbie's Nasty Christmas Letter To Santa

Xena

Dear Santa:

Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here by next Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list:

2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!

3. A REAL man...maybe G.I. Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boyfriend Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.

4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.

5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, just get it done.

6. A jogging bra. To wear until I get the surgery.

7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, an advertising account exec.

9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.

10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years. I think I deserve it.

Ok, Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bimbo doll for next Christmas. It's that simple.

Yours truly,
Barbie

Tatiana

Good one, Xena!!!

I think she should have a choice.....gay or straight Barbie. She could choose GI Jane or Joe. Just a thought..hehe

Miss you, girl!

April

Xena

Hey Tat,

It's been nice seeing you posting again...I have missed ya! lol you are the only one that posts to my threads

hhhmmmmm gay barbie....personally I think she is already bi-sexual...I mean there just don't appear to be enough kens to service ALL those barbies...

Tatiana

I think you're right, Xena......Barbie has lots of female "friends" too. Where are all Ken's buddies?

I think they should make a Barbie Dominatrix!!! Nice little leather whip. Thigh high boots. I mean, it's bad enough they already have a Beyonce Barbie!! Why not a SM one?

I'd buy it.

Xena

I am liking the way you are thinking Tat.....hhhmmmm we need to get together and whip up some dolls to sell this x-mas.....

LyinEyes

Xena that was too funny. I totally agree, Barbie must be sick of her clothes and lack of a real man to choose from.

My kids have barbie and GI Joe. So in my house Barbie has already ventured on to better things. In fact I caught Barbie and GI Joe naked together in a twisted head , naked, in my bathtub.

My daughter is not a girly girl, but she does like playing with her dolls. Her barbies are either totally naked and she has cut most of their hair into GI Jane like buzz cuts. Her Barbie also , borrows my son's GI Joe's army uniform. Her Barbie rides in the GI Joe Hummer and has all of his army supplies including a bazooka in the back seat. Some must be in active duty, since many of her Barbies are missing limbs.