No longer filling my spiritual needs...

eisenstein

Hello everyone,

I feel very sad today. I see my old JW friends almost every day on my way to the subway, they are street witnessing. I've talked to a couple of them about my doubts, etc. They have encouraged me to "come back" to the hall, especially now, that I have been laid off.

Most of you know by now if you've read my profile that I am currently on private reproof (well it's no longer private now, to you folks, I guess). I had been given my commenting priveleges back at my old cong. but, still not allowed to give talks or demos, etc. If you notice, it has been quite a while since I was put on PR: 1996. I wonder why it has taken me so long to get back? These doubts just didn't happen overnight. I haven't been to a KH for over a year now, except for the Memorial.

One brother invited me to come to the meeting tonight...to start back. And well, I am just not feeling it. I do still have a spiritual need, but I can't even skim through a WT or A without feeling sad or angry. The brother made a comment that I shouldn't feel bad about coming back now that I am laid off or that I shouldn't worry if some of the bros. & sis. might think "Oh, now she needs us because she's laid off, or "she shouldn't have put her job attendance before meeting attendance" (I worked a second shift).

Tonight is our MS and SM.

I was wondering how any of you may feel and how you are filling your spiritual needs, if you have any? This website has given me a lot to think about and you all have confirmed a lot of my feelings.

Thank You, for the insight You have given me!

eisenstein

Robdar

(((((Eisenstein))))))

Sadness and anger seems to be the main 2 emotions I felt after leaving the org. Sadness that I no longer felt it was the truth and anger that I had allowed these people to dupe me. And yet, I still had this deep spiritual need.

The way that I dealt with this was to pray more, read my Bible without the WTS publications to interpret it for me, and I started attending other churches. The first time I set foot in a church I was so sure that demons would get me! But they didn't (whew!) However, no matter how many churches I attended, I realized that not a single one of them had the complete truth and most of them did not have that much brotherly love either.

Soon it began to occur to me that maybe no religion had the truth because it was up to US to develop a personal relationship with God. This led me to various religions of an eastern slant, meditation, lucid dreaming, gnosticism, etc. I took what I needed and discarded the rest.

I hope this information helps you. However, if you still feel that the JWs have the "truth", go back there and give it another shot. We all must find our way, no matter how dark it seems at the moment.

I wish you well on your spiritual journey.

Love,

Robyn

Edited to add: In your bio you said "baptized with fire in 1987". What exactly do you mean by that statement? I have been away from the org for a long time. Is that some sort of new teaching? I know what it means to me....what does it mean to JWs?

Edited by - robdar on 14 November 2002 18:17:37

core

Sorry to hear about your job situation and the apparent patronising tone of those who would encoiurage you 'back' to the meetings.

For anyone who has come away from the WTS after many years there is a vacuum - I can only suggest you see that your spiritual need is real and try to fill it in some way yourself - what we all did for years was to mortgage our coinsciences and lives toi an organisation and it took us over completely. It is not surprising that therer is a vacuum in your life.

How can you fill your spiritual need - with candid respect I would suggest it is NOT by going back to mental servitude - I do not know what you did or in what circumstances but the farcical situation of having a PR active for 6 years (?) is evidence of the lack of concern for people evidenced by the WTS organisation. You need toi appreciat that you can (if you want) have a relationship with God - but he does not want to have a relationship with buildings, printing presses or organisatioins - he is interested in you.

To me no simple answer exists - who to go to - where to go to - if it was easy then you would already have the guidance you need from this site and others.

Just because the WTS claims to represent the God of the Bible exclusively does not by association make the Bible wrong - it is not - read the psalms - dont try to look for complex or prophetic explanations - it is written directly for YOU. Just relax and enjoy what you read with o pressures or schedules or timetables. It was written for you and can help you.

Not much help I know but I hope it does help to know that many (all I think) reading your post are thinking of you and are concerned for you.

thepreacher

Seek out the Lord. You won't find him at the 'hall. It's just one of Satan's traps. I prayed to God to guide me to those who worship Him in spirit and truth.

The Preacher

Puffus

Dear Einstein.

I'm sorry, I'm not really sure of what all went on that brought you to this place, but maybe I can be of a little help. I should probably say it straight out that I don't buy anything in the WT or A. I'm not a JW, but I'm very familiar with JW beliefs and have had numerous discussions with them concerning scripture and the like. If you're dissatisfied with the whole thing, you're probably not far from the truth.

I could totally get into all the theology of it all right now, but that would be absolutely useless. All I can say is that all your life you've never known the Almighty God, Jehovah (or actually Yahweh). You've only known an institution - the WTS. They've blinded their followers into thinking that knowing about God is the same as knowing God. See, everyone knows about Pres. Bush. but relatively few actually know him. "Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to." (Lk 13:24) I can testify, because I know Him and have peace beyond comprehension. Not a psycological peace, but a rest in my spirit. Honestly, I really don't know how to explain it.

Read a different version than the New World Translation, like the New International Version, or the New American Standard Bible. Occasionally I do a word study on different Greek and Hebrew words, and the more I look into it, the more I see how many places that the NWT has been twisted just slightly from the original intent of the Biblical authors.

Leave the WT and A behind.

Robyn says to find what's true for you - but I say to find the One who is true.
I can't formulate the ultimate truth (and yes there is one)
But I know that at the end of all things,
all people will be assembled, all who have ever lived, they will bow down on their knees, and with their own mouths will confess that Jesus the Christ is Lord over all.
No one can refute that.

Einstein, Feel free to email me at [email protected] I would love to chat with you more. Anyone else can email me too. (Please nobody spam me)

Jerome

Robdar

Robyn says to find what's true for you - but I say to find the One who is true.

Puffus,

Robyn didn't say that at all. I said: Soon it began to occur to me that maybe no religion had the truth because it was up to US to develop a personal relationship with God.

How is this not finding as you put it "the One who is true"?

If you are going to quote me, quote me correctly.

Robyn

cellomould

eisenstein,

Do you like to read much?

Remember the parable about the house with unclean spirits? Your mind has to be filled with things besides WT and Awake dogma. Unfortuntately, the bible itself is full of such dogma. The more you read it, the more you will see it.

There are many, many books that Jehovah's Witnesses would sooner die than read. Read some of them.

Good luck to you,

cellmould

eisenstein

Thanks Robyn, for the hug and for your words of encouragement. Prayer does help, and sometimes I set my clock for 5am on Sundays to hear a sermon on the radio, that has helped some too. Maybe I will make it one day to the actual church and hear it live.

As for what I meant by being baptized with fire...well, it is a long story. I almost died trying to kill myself while I was in the hospital and had a spiritual encounter with a higher being. Also, during the same awful hospitalization I came to in an isolation room somewhere in the hospital feeling like I had terribly been violently and repeatedly raped. (It is not any new term the WTS has come up with, just something between me and God)

eisenstein

COMF

Hi, guy,

the filling of my spiritual needs was a gradual thing which happened naturally as I came to know, understand, and finally forgive and love myself. I realized that the most important things in my life are those that are uniquely mine; the ones that come from inside me.

I've filled my spiritual need by developing an accepting, approving relationship with myself and giving myself encouragement and reinforcement as I take on various challenges. Lately, I've expanded those challenges to include woodworking (revival of an old hobby), classes in aikido, and books on a variety of subjects I know little or nothing about, but which interest me.

Life is wonderful, if you let it be, Eisenstein. Hope you'll discover that to be true, as I have.

eisenstein

Thank You Jerome too,

I am going to buy a different bible like you mentioned. And thanks for your encouragement.

eisenstein

No longer filling my spiritual needs...

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