How many times a day do U think about being ExJW?

LyinEyes

I thought about this tonite, I was out on the town with my husband, trying to forget about the week I had of being sick. Trying to not think about my 3 kids problems they all have,,,,,,,,like who gets to do what this weekend and who's turn it is to call the radio. etc. etc. Just trying to unwind a bit. The lights are flashing and the music is pounding, I am even laughing at some drunk guy on the dance floor doing his best John Travolta imitation. Somehow thru this all, I still think of what this last year has been like for me. Realizing I am an Ex JW. I still dream about going to assemblies and still see some of my old bookbags and my faithful ole bible lying around. It is times like this I think of all the time I wasted being a jw and how much I put into it. When I see people dancing to music I should have danced to years ago, I think how much being a JW robbed me of. When I think of the future I think of how being a JW for so long, will always make me doubt, and will I ever have faith again.

I guess I am just relating how I feel to see if others who are on the new end of leaving the JW's , feel the same way I do. It seems that more than several times a day, I think of my old JW life. I wonder if in the years to come will it always be so consuming in my mind? Will I ever see myself as anything but an ExJW? Since I was raised since a child in it, and just left JW last year, that is 35 yrs of being this way, I think it may take more time than I thought to see myself as anything eles.

I am not complaining or wishing it to all go away, I know I have to accept this and deal with it. I have so many questions that need to be answered , or addressed anyway, even thou I may never know the answer. I often wonder what it is like to be a non believer, or someone who had a life before being a JW. Sometimes I just get so tired of thinking about God, about the WT, about life, about death, about it all. Even thou I am tired of thinking of it all, it never goes away, the thoughts seem to come and go as they please even when I try to ignore them. Do any of you go thru this too? Especially those who are fresh out of leaving the JW?

bay64me

I think about it quite often now as my daughters birthday is coming up and I am already xmas shopping. I get paranoid at the shops when my trolley is filled with presents or if I wander down the aisle with the birthday card etc. I feel that I ought to be looking over my shoulder and that I will have some explaining to do if I happen to bump into any of them.

I also feel regret over the wasted years, although I wasn't in as long as you were. Although I must admit that the regret is only a tinge compared to the freedom I experience in having choices over the music I am able to enjoy, places I can go, clothes I can wear, tv programmes I can watch etc, etc.

So yes I probably still think about being (ex)jw most days, several times, but do you know what I really enjoy now? I really love having a laugh over the stupid things we did when we were in. We can sort of take the pee out of ourselves for being so naive and stupid. I cringe at how gullible I was and how I took everything I heard from the platform so seriously. I suppose being able to laugh at ourselves now has in someways replaced the anger and bitterness that we once felt.

But being a jw is not normal, it is a totally ABnormal lifestyle and I don't know if the experience of spending a considerable amount of ones life like that will ever depart from us?

qwerty

I think about it all the time, to the point of it irritating me!

Mind you I am still officially one of them.

6 Months and no meetings, wife still goes so she's a reminder of da Troof.

qwerty

SPAZnik

I dunno. I think I think about it about once a day. Maybe twice. (outside of visiting this site I mean, which kinda gets me thinking on it.)

I've been out about 2 years now.

SPAZ

blondie

I would think it is like getting divorced. How often do you think of yourself as married and then remember? Most marriages started out good with some good times. What do those who have been divorced say? Is the process of leaving the WTS similar in ways to leaving a spouse?

Blondie (on her first and hopefully last marriage)

ozziepost

When I come here (twice a day)

and

when I think of my family who have cut themselves from us.( I don't care to think how many times that is).

Ozzie

safe4kids

Hi ((((Dede))))

I think that what you're experiencing is normal. About the first 2 years after I left, I thought about it often, and had nightmares and other dreams about being a dub, but it slowly started tapering off. You mentioned that you have many questions that need to be addressed, and I definitely used to feel that way too, but they've become less important to me as time has gone by. I got caught up in developing a new life, in figuring out what I think, as opposed to what I had been told to think, and somehow most of the questions that seemed to be so immediate sort of faded into the background.

I also was raised a dub, and spent 30+ years as one; it takes a while for all of that programming to get out of your system and I'm not sure that it ever goes away entirely, but it does get better. I can't say how often I think about being an ex; it's kind of a background noise for me these days. It's there, but I don't give it a lot of thought. Even when I'm here, sometimes I have to really struggle to remember what it was like, and the most common emotion I experience when I do think about it is one of relief that I'm out and that my kids can grow up normal (well, relatively normal...they DO have me for a mom! ).

Dana

P.S. Glad that you're feeling better and able to get out and have some fun

Xena

I think about it every time I have to explain to someone why this is just my 2nd "official" Christmas....or why I haven't seen hardly any R rated movies .....or why I am so excited to celebrate birthdays ...or why my family has nothing to do with me....or why I am so turned off by organized religions....or why I didn't go to college...basically why the bulk of my life is like a big freakin void.

But other than that just when I am on here

moana

It's been so long since I've been gone .......27 years. I don't think it would pop into my head at all except for the shunning part I've been dealing with lateley. That makes me think about it alot. Especially, when people talk about their mothers & getting together doing things or visiting each other or holiday plans. I think of being told I was selfish for wanting birthdays and holidays. I think about knocking on doors instead of being able to play as a child. I know this shunning thing will get better - just like grieving. That's what I have to do. The worst part is this mother is still alive - it's just that she is deep in a cult.

Sharing it is the best medicine for me. Would you believe I tell everybody about my mother not able to speak to me. They are so shocked & very helpful to me.

drea

mommy1

I think about being an exJw at least three or four times a day. When I think of my Brother or father. Or when I see something about child abuse. When I see a witness girl at my son's school when I pick him up. Sometimes I get upset about the cruel treatment I have recieved by JW part of family. These days I tend to be more happy not to be involved with the Jw's and glad to have my freedom.

How many times a day do U think about being ExJW?

Share this