I have a problem, which I would like your thoughts on please. 5 years ago I spoke to a close sister about an elderly brother who had made a terrible series of confessions to her. One of these confessions is alarming and has resonated a sense of horror through me for years. He told this sister in private (believe me, I do not doubt her word!) that amongst other sexual problems, he had involvement when he was in his 20s with a 10 year old girl. Whereby she performed a sexual act on his person. He revealed this to the sister, as he could not bare the guilt of this act any longer. He is now in his early 60s. Yesterday I found out through a friend that he now lives in another part of the country and one of his best friends (who is a JW) was a former, convicted paedophile (who was sent to prison for several years for crimes against his own children). I am utterly appalled at hearing this news and deeply concerned about their friendship together. They are both active JWs today, although neither I believe engage in the preaching work, due to "mental illness". My dilemma, is that I know this mans son. Very well indeed. I feel as though I am betraying that friendship by NOT voicing my concerns to him about his father. If I do reveal the information that I know to him, he will be utterly devastated. I really do not know what to do at this point and need to make a serious decision. I do not want to move until I am sure in my own mind of the right course of action. The former sister who he revealed this tale to is considering taking what she knows to the crime squad in our area. Just in case. Help!
I need your combined thoughts please !!
by Dizzy Cat 16 Replies latest jw friends
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talley
Let the former sister handle it.... what you know is 'second hand info.' / hear-say.
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Swiffy
Well, for what its worth... I am a former elder and I was involved in a couple child sex abuse cases and I stepped down because of what the other elders wanted me to do or in this case not to do. I was told not to go to the police and to advise the sister accusing not to go either. I was sick cause of the direction I received from the gov body... I would bring this info to the police and his son, it will hurt but he is also being deceived by his father and the rest of the congregation and CHILDREN MAY BE AT RISK. I feel so strong about this because I am on the board of directors of Missing Children Minnesota and we deal with missing children and abused children and adults. You wouldnt be asking this question if you didnt already know the right thing to do, so DO IT, you may feel bad for a while, but you may prevent more abuse by TWO GUILTY OFFENDERS. Just my opinion. Jack
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Swiffy
second hand info and hear-say can become real info, dont take the chance!!! At least talk to the son and see what happens.
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AGuest
Dearest DizzyCat... may you have peace!
First and foremost, dear one... before you talk to ANYONE... you take the should talk to the "brother" and/or his friend. Tell them what you know/been told... and let them know your concerns. Second, you should go to JAH (Psalm 68:4)... in prayer... THROUGH Christ ("Father, I am coming to you through your Son, JAHESHUA MISCHAJAH)... and ask for a portion of His holy spirit, the portion this is "knowledge and wisdom"... to be with you so as to know what YOU should do, if anything, about what occurs in your conversation with these gentle(?)men, if any conversation actually occurs.
If, in talking to these men, YOU feel they are repentant, that they regret their action(s) and you feel fairly sure it won't occur again (if that's what you need to feel, as in some instances a "sin" very well may occur again), then I would say to you to listen to the spirit that is in YOU, by virtue of you requesting it (Luke 11:13)... and obey that spirit. (It seems the friend "paid" for his sins as far as "society" is concerned, yes? He did his time?) My thought is that it will direct you to FORGIVE this man... and send him away in peace. Does that absolve him? With God, yes, because YOU forgave him, and when such forgiveness is granted by means of holy spirit, "whatever you bind on earth is bound in heaven and whatever you LOOSE on earth, is loosed in heaven."
But it does not mean he should not go to the authorities and confess his crime... AND to the person he harmed, if possible, and beg the forgiveness of that one. But that is up to him. As for going to the "elders", I must ask you... why? Do you think that they don't know... or that their hands are any "cleaner"? Truly, I say to you, that by means of the holy spirit you ask for, you will have more "authority" than they, those who have no such spirit.
As for going to authorities, whether you do or not is up to you... and what you are compelled by conscious and spirit to do. I would implore you, however, that if you intend to do so, you at least let the "brother" know that that is your intention. That way, there is no "deceit" on your part; you are only doing what the law requires. He committed the act that required this, if he indeed committed it.
But right NOW... all you have... is gossip. Truly. No matter how much you trust the "close" sister's word, you have an obligation to at least address the man himself with the accusation, versus believing it from someone OTHER than the victim herself (or someone else with firsthand knowledge). The sister should not have told you, for she was told in confidentiality. He confessed his "sin" to her. If everyone went around telling whatever deep matters others told them, who could we trust? She should have implored the brother to "deal" with the matter in whatever way was legal... and moral.
As for this matter bothering you, I say to you, "go your way in peace. Trust the spirit that will be in you if you ask for it, and do not let YOUR heart be troubled any longer."
May the undeserved kindness and mercy of my God and Father, JAH of Armies, and the peace of His Son and Christ come to be upon you, if you so wish it.
Your servant and a slave of Christ,
SJ
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LB
I would at the very least talk to the son. I would tell him that I had heard some very distrubing news and then relay what you have heard. Child molestors aren't normally cured, they can at best be contained. There are children at risk everywhere a child molestor resides.
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Swiffy
ARE YOU FOR REAL SJ???? YOU SOUND LIKE A TWISTED BORN-AGAIN MEMBER OF THE GOVERNING BODY. THIS GUY COMMITED A CRIME, IS NOW CLOSE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE WHO COMMITED THE SAME CRIME AND NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT IT THAT REALLY SHOULD!!!!!!!!!
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Dizzy Cat
Thank you for your thoughts so far.
My impulse is to do what Swiffy & LB say, but I will hold back for a day or two until I can see clearer the right course of action.
Aguest:
I do not hold your faith my friend, but thank you for your thoughts. I will try and meditate upon everything you and others have said so far and wish you peace as well. I must tell you that the sister involved I would lay my life down for as far as her word is concerned. She is not a gossip and I would trust her without doubt with any private information I hold. I was told this particular information because she was rightly disturbed and had nobody else to turn to at that time. I happened to be rather close to her and I know for a fact, that we are the only people to date who have this information.
Edited by - Dizzy Cat on 18 November 2002 10:41:2
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Francois
The sister is going to take what she knows to the cops? If she does, your friend can find out that way, I think.
LB is certainly right. Molesters can't be cured, only contained. Are they being contained? If the sister doesn't go to the cops, should you? Perhaps that question is your entre to your friend. That is, if the sister doesn't go to the cops, you go to the friend with what you know and unburden yourself.
You have a Gordian Knot.
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Dizzy Cat
Francois:
Agreed - a Gordian Knot indeed. One that is rather uncomfortable to bare.
To add another note to this song, the man in question (the father) came to my house about two months ago (unexpected visit) and I found it hard to look him in the face. I have anger inside me for the information I know.
He is a manipulative individual, who on the outside would do anything for anybody. He is a control freak, the world must revolve around his own desires. He also likes to play the "I'm so hurt by life" card too often. To say I am beginning to hate him, is an understatement.
But, I do not want my actions tainted by hatred. I need to be clear minded and objective.