Getting Married as a Catholic

teenyuck

Hi All!

My husband and I got into a discussion about joining the local Catholic church, signing up for 2.5% of our income and getting married by a priest.

Quick background:

Me: Raised a JW, left when I was about 20 (drifted away, was baptized at age 13). Married at age 23, by a judge at courthouse. Divorced within 12 months. Never followed any other religion

Husband: He is 2 by law. Raised Catholic, went to Catholic school til about age 12 when it got to be too expensive. Never went to church until 5 years ago. Now goes every Sunday.

Us: We met and dated for 2 years. We planned on going to Las Vegas to get married. Mentioned it to our mother's; they freaked out. Wanted to be a part of it. We had 6 weeks to plan our marriage. This was almost 15 years ago. Since time was critical (we had a non-refundable ski trip planned after our marriage in Vegas)

We agreed to be married in a venue that our mother's could attend. I asked my mom to see if I could be married in the KH. (I was not thinking clearly) Good luck...they declined. I was living in sin with my betrothed. They said NO.

Husband asked priest at church he went to through college. Priest said No. I was not a Catholic and I had been divorced.

We had a judge from the county come to the resort we had our wedding and reception at; and he married us. No JWs except my mother came. All the Catholic friends of MIL came.

When our 10 year anniversary hit my husband wanted to renew our vows in a church. I was "not religious." He had just started going back to the church; only on Sundays. We agreed to look into it. Now it is 5 years later. (how time flies)

He mentioned it again, with our 15 year anniversary coming up. I said since I was divorced I could not be married in a church; remember? He said no, that was not the reason the priest said no initially; it was because we did not have time to go through the classes that are required.

Ok, I said, we can look into it. Now, my questions begin.

What is involved with the classes? My husband has no idea. We/he still has not joined the Catholic church, however, he is going to look into how. (without giving 2.5% of our income; I said no. If he does and I find out, I will be very upset; he agreed only to join the parish.)

Do I have to disassociate myself formally from the dubs?

My husband is convinced that God brought us together, 18 years ago, so he (my husband) could show me that there is a god and he loves me and we (Hubby and I) were meant to be together forever; including heaven. (which I don't believe in...)

Will a priest marry us even if I don't join and/or do not become a Catholic? I agreed to go to church once in a while. My husband is tired of going alone. I said as long as I did not have to get up early and/or dress up, fine. I have too many memories of the KH and the effort to go to every meeting. He agreed not to push and just let me come when I feel like it.

As an aside: My husband said his mother would want to come to see us renew our vows in a church. "the church is such a big part of her life."

I said really?! 1. Does she volunteer at the church? 2. Does she help the nuns with duties at the local school? 3. Has she ever? 4. How often does she go to church?

Answers: 1. No 2. No 3. No 4. She tries to go every week

I told him that my years as a JW beat her. I was more involved and went to more meetings than she did in her 60 odd years. Between 5 hours of meetings a week, 2 hours (minimum) of field service, etc I did more in 18 years than she did in 60. He agreed, then said she went to Catholic boarding school. That was more.

Bottom line: Will/Can a priest marry us?

Any direction from any Catholic, former or current, would be helpful. Thanks!

Celia

....signing up for 2.5 % of our income....

Never heard you had to sign up for a certain percentage of your income to join the Catholic Church...

In the parish I was in, once a year, my family received en envelope from the diocese, or whatever, and you gave it back with a donation, whatever you wanted to donate, or nothing if you couldn't afford anything...

teenyuck

Hi Celia,

That is what I thought. He said the priest at one of the two churches he is looking at, suggested that everyone gave 2.5% and sign a pledge for it!! I said NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

I refuse to give 2.5% to them. They (the one that suggested it) are building a new school and want to "improve" the church. It is very niceright now. Having their hand out really makes me mad. Go ask the Pope. I do not think signing up, to fund it, is logical. My husband agreed and is going to look into joining the church that has no requirement; or suggestion like that.

NameWithheld

They're not gearing up to build a new church - they need $$$ to pay out all the abuse cases they are about to lose.

Sound familiar?

Mary

I'd think twice before I joined the Catholic Church hon........they've got the child molestation problem, just like the JWs do, plus EVERYTHING in the Catholic Church will cost you money.

Catholics have just as bizarre doctrines as what the JWs do, only in a different way............

willy_think

Hi,

When you were baptized, were you baptized in the name of the farther son and holly spirit?

Edited by - willy_think on 21 November 2002 13:29:22

hamptonite21

How about a uniterian church?

imanaliento

i was raised Catholic, my husband Lutheran, I wanted both priest and minister to do the wedding ceremony, the preist refused because a minimum of 3 months was required. (my husbands the procrastinator) and no we didn't have to get married. we had it without the priest, that was 25 years ago.

growing up in the religion, the envelopes used to make ones weekly contribution always bothered me. They would at the end of the year post all the members in the church and how much or how little they gave. My parents were not rich and I sometimes think they felt they had to give to make it look good. I wonder what would happen if you couldn't give the requested 2.5%.

having made to feel like you had to contribute to the borg also bothered me and I didn't do that very often.

I hope things work out for you.

one more thing about that church that didn't seem right is they pray to Mary the mother of God.

Edited by - imanaliento on 21 November 2002 14:51:47

bluesapphire

Not all parishes are the same. I remember a pastor came to the church I had always gone to and started posting all the contributions. He only lasted a year because everybody hated him. The people have a lot of voice in the parish. Far as I know, the contributions were never posted again.

You can get married in a church if you've been divorced as long as you were never married in the church previously. If you are being given wrong information, you may need to investigate another parish.

There is no required amount that you have to give. Sometimes a parish is in need of remodeling and so they pass the basket around for a special donation at the end of each mass. But it's always voluntary.

I would never go to a parish where they charged for baptisms, communions, funerals, marriages, etc. I've never paid a dime for any of these things and it's not a Roman Catholic teaching that you should. If the pastor is charging, I would complain to the bishop.

The individual parishes will not be paying for any child abuse lawsuits. That will come from the diocese. There is a big difference. And I believe it will be the insurance companies who will pay mostly.

Once a year there is a "bishop's appeal" where the bishop asks for the money to operate the diocese. That's where people make a pledge like for instance, "I pledge to give $10 dollars a month", etc. No different than signing up for one of those programs you see on TV where you adopt a child. The expenses which are covered by this money are catholic charities and many other types of things that cost money to run. I don't like my bishop and so when he sends me the envelope I send it back empty. I donate to catholic charities directly period.

There are pedophiles in all religions, groups, etc. Watch your kids no matter where you go.

Lastly, I am mostly agnostic but have a Catholic culture. Just like anything else, people who don't know anything about being catholic will say things that are inaccurate. I'm only interested in accuracy here. The catholic church has its faults along with every other religion. It's up to you what you feel comfortable with. Personally, I don't see the harm in saying your vows in a church with a priest if it makes your husband happy. You are not required to become catholic. The classes are marriage classes, not catholic classes, unless your husband is tricking you into going to RCI which is "Right of Christian Initiation" and those are classes people go to when they want to convert. I would ask him to be specific.

Hope I've answered some of your questions. Like I said, I don't have any particular interest in your conversion. I couldn't care less. So I'll just tell you the truth of what I know.

Skimmer

Hello teenyuck:

I am a Catholic and have been for eight years; I joined as an adult in 1994.

The pre-wedding waiting period is a common practice with a usual length of six months. The main intent for this tradition is to provide the participants with the opportunity to demonstrate their sincerity and mutual commitment. A secondary goal is to ensure via the instruction program that the couple is fully aware of the spiritual aspects of marriage including the lifelong nature of the marriage bond and also the responsibilities involved with raising children in the faith.

The waiting period is sometimes considerably shortened for older couples.

In general, a divorce from a prior marriage is not an impediment if the marriage was never sanctioned by the Church.

I have never heard of any parish "requiring" a percentage donation.

For more information about Catholic doctrine and practice, see the http://www.ewtn.com site.

Getting Married as a Catholic

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