Any advice what to do?

cecil

Hi folks.

It has been almost a year since my last posting. My wife and I have tried to move on with our lives, since we decided to stop being "active" about 14 months ago. We have not attended any meeting since we stopped last year. From time to time (4-5 occasions) elders have visited us or called to "encourage" us to come back. We don't want to. (Sorry: I have not been of much help to the others on this board in the past months - but anyway: I'd like to ask for some advice...)

Earlier this week we received a letter from one of the elders in our congregation, who invited himself for coffee tomorrow afternoon. The CO is visiting the congregation and he/they want to talk to us. Now we wonder what to do: Some of the elders have already marked my wife and me as "apostates" - several families have been warned to have too close (any) contact to us a.s.o. Because of family-members still inside we have decided to (try to...) just keep quiet and see if we can fade away. That seems impossible - some of the elders are hunting us and would wish to be able to hunt us down. Until now we have managed to manouver around the sharp corners, but it gets more and more close.

I think we are prepared to get df'ed (both of us know, what that's like - we have been df'ed some years ago and worked hard for a "comeback". Please don't ask: "Why didn't you stay out back then...?" We had our reasons). I do not know what they will bring up, when they visit us tomorrow. But we are afraid, that we won't be able to play games: If they push the right buttons, we will kick them out of our home and ask them to never come back again. Should we just get things straightened out and tell them what we feel and believe (both of us feel sick when we even think about meetings, WT-study - or just being JW (which we have been for 30 years) we have had enough "religion" for two lifes...). Or should we just keep quiet once again and try to keep our "show" going.

Anybody who has experienced something similar? Any advice? Thank you

cecil

edited to supply a link to my "intro": http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.aspx?id=4095&site=3

Edited by - cecil on 22 November 2002 11:12:54

larc

Here is what I would do. Get up early in the morning and go out for breakfast. After that, I would spend the day out shopping or out on a nice country drive, and come back home about ten at night.

cruzanheart

Well, I'm trying to do what you've already done - fade away - and lately I've had an elder calling about once a week. Thank God for Caller ID! I may end up with two elders on my doorstep too, so let me know how you end up handling it. You could plead ill health (since it makes you sick to go to the meetings) and whine gently that you're doing the best that you can and you appreciate everyone's interest in you but you just need time and space to recover. Or, if you feel like you have nothing and no one to lose, let 'em have it! It won't change anything but it might feel really really good.

Best wishes, good luck, bon chance, and may the Force be with you,

Nina

Mulan

We had a visit like that three weeks ago. My husband didn't want me to post about it. Send me an email and I will tell you how we handled it. We were successful!

cecil

Hi Larc.

That would be possible, if I had not refused to meet with the CO and the elders a couple of times. This time we decided not to refuse their wish to visit us. So we will meet with them - the only things we do not know for sure is: What shall we tell them? The truth? Or should we tell something, that let's the show go on for a while once again...

cecil

Hi Mulan.

Have just e-mailed you. Thanks!

/cecil

Mulan

You've got mail!! Let me know how it goes.

Shakita

Cecil:

I echo larc's suggestion. Be a "not at home." They are not coming to "have coffee." This is so deceptive. But you already know that. I have learned much since coming to this board months ago from the stories of those here who have been where you are now. My husband and I are doing the fading thing, too. We haven't been to a meeting in over 8 or 9 months. We have had a few visits from a couple we have known for over 20 years. And, some sisters came to "visit", too. We let these friends into our home. We knew that their visit with us was not a "witch hunt." I think they have given up on "encouraging" us though, we haven't had a visit in about 4 months.

Our plan is, if the (2) elder arrangement is standing on our doorstep, we will not open the door. What they want to make of that is their problem. We will not play their game. I will not add to their hours that month in field service. I have learned from other people's stories here on this board that, when you play their game, they make up all the rules. And, if you don't play according to their rules, you lose. If they call, we will always be sick or too busy to meet with them. If they insist on seeing us, we will make an appointment, and then not be home when they come, or not answer the door.

We still have family in, so we choose this way to deal with fading. Others choose to make a stand and confront the elders. There is no one right way. We must decide what is best for us and our families.

I wish you the best in whatever decision you make. It's ashame that it all has to come down to this, isn't it?

Mrs. Shakita

Smoldering Wick

Hi Cecil,

I've been "inactive" for four years and have been able to dodge the big DF successfully (for now). It is a very big decision to allow the JWs to disfellowship you. Most of us who were raised as witnesses have too many reasons why getting disfellowshipped isn't right for us. Only we can be the judge in our own lives.

What has worked for me is to just be cordial and try not to get caught in any of their word traps. For instance, if they ask you the dreaded "apostate" question...be prepared. The elders are looking for certain responses from you.

When I was asked "If I thought that Jehovah's Witnesses were God's earthly channel here on earth today?" ...I just said "I'm not sure, I have my doubts."

They cannot disfellowship you for doubting. Even they have doubts.

I was going to email you a link to a thread I started about one of my encounters with the local elders...but, since I see your email is private, here it is.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.aspx?id=22406&site=3

p.s. turning off the lights and pretending you aren't home works too...it's a JW trick I learned for Halloween.

~Wick

Mulan

Mrs. Shakita, my niece did what you suggest and they da'd her. They said her not being available for them to talk to her, was evidence that constituted a refusal to meet with the elders. They announced it a few weeks later, after many attempts to meet with her. She was always not available, or just didn't answer the door.

Smoldering Wick..........or you could say "why would I doubt it?" I love to answer their questions with another question. We always try to avoid directly answering a question. Or you can say "why are you asking me that question?"

Any advice what to do?

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