Did being a witness bring out the best or worst? (page 2)

LB

It sure brought out some of my worst traits. I sure became way more judgemental. That's one of the reasons I started to reconsider being a witness. I didn't like myself much then.

Brought out my worst traits to be sure. I was once accused of "selling" the Lord's words. I said, "Lady, I wouldn't get out of my car and walk up to this door for fifty cents if I knew it was gonna happen a every door. it ain't worth it." So I left the magazines, jumped in my car and laid rubber.

czarofmischief

It destroyed my fear of being different.

Now I'm unconventional and I like it, albeit not religious.

shmokin'!!!!!

CZAR

SPAZnik

lmao irongland

onacruse

Wow...Room 215, your post really got me!

"denigrate emotional spontanaeity...engenders mistrust and even paranoia...downplayng of indivuduality and attainment particularly heathful to the development of emotional maturity."

And yet, I would say that being a JW has brought out the BEST in me, despite the odds.

Perhaps any organization to which we gravitate only brings out of us what we already are inside???

Craig

willdabeerman

being a witness made me an insecure peon who tried to do anything i could to make the "proper" impression.to this day my self esteem sucks.but now , i can kick a lil ass and looking back all the old memories make me hot! so i guess it brought out the anger.but while i was in it brought out the stupid moron that had no life and did everything for the org.

blondie

Actually being a JW helped me survive my abusive household. I knew there was a power higher than my father and that was more forgiving of my mistakes. And the elders never figured much in my life so I didn't have their negative input. So when my father said I was stupid for the 15th time that day, I knew that God did not feel that way. I was quite a Bible reader even then and I would read the Gospel accounts which are still my favorite.

Blondie

DanTheMan

I'm with LB. I really started to dislike myself when I was a JW. I came to feel like I had totally stagnated, spiritually, emotionally. I would pray and pray to Jah to help me change, but it never seemed to work. When I became JW, I was a socially inept, paranoid, judgemental person. Being JW did not help me in these areas at all.

Remember the testimonies in the WT and Awakes about people who were violent or criminal and became JW's, resulting in a complete change of personality? I wonder how those people did long term.

There is a well-known elder that lives in my area. He is well-known because of his zeal and his ability to stand up to "apostates" (you should hear the venom in his voice when he says that word). I used to have so much admiration for him, and he is a virtual hero among the local dubs. Before he became JW, he had been a student at the local university. He was intelligent, and loved to get into debates with people and humiliate them. He also would get into fistfights. He was a bully. Now he's a religious bully. He loves getting a fundie or a Catholic at the door, so he can shred them with his "sword". So he really hasn't changed. He still has the same general hostility towards other people that he had before he became JW. I think that the only thing JW has done for him is to keep him from totally self-destructing. I would say the same holds true for me, that I probably wouldn't have made it through my 20's without the org. I needed something outside of me to take over my life, because I couldn't handle it.

Mum

There were several phases for me.

Because I had very low self-esteem, the initial love bombing did give me some confidence. I got lavish compliments on those "sister talks" I gave at the TM school. As a teenager, I was better accepted by the JW kids than by kids at school, as I was very shy and totally lacking in social skills.

Being a female and a JW makes a person just a little lower than the amoeba. So after I married an elder, my self-worth plummeted. I was depressed, cried a lot, frustrated my husband with my inability to shake the depression, and was not allowed to seek treatment.

I did become a lot more judgmental, too, to the point where I realized that I did not like myself for good reason sometimes. I realized that, overall, I had been a better person before I was a JW.

SandraC

Vee

In the case of my parents who became associated with the JW organisation in the mid 1970's, I would have to say that their affiliation most definitely brought out the extremes in their behavioural tendancies. I once had this best described to me best by an ex-associate of mine as the "1970's mentality". In the case of my father the organisation gave justification to his need for extreme control and discipline. For my mother it meant that she would theoretically attain the love and respect that she so desperately desired through the principle of the "Headship arrangement".

Please do not think that I am generalising that all who became involved at this time did so to fulfill their fantasies of what life in their "ideal" could be like so as to hide and not deal with their insecurites. In the case of my parents it did bring out the occassional extreme which did benefit the family. I do think however, that in choosing to be a JW you are choosing to be an extremist. Having a fatalistic viewpoint on life in the now will do that to you, especially when something can only be but black/white, or good/evil.

This is my first time on your site, and I say with full sincerity that I am really impressed with its content. Of the few sites that I have visited for the first time in the past few weeks I was disappointed with the bitter and twisted outlook that I saw in the writing. If there is one thing that I desperately want for myself now that I am an ex-JW (who made an intellectual decision to no longer associate) is to gain balance in my life, and to no longer think in extremes, and exist in fear.

Look forward to visiting again soon.

V**

Did being a witness bring out the best or worst?

LB

Francois